washingtonlady Posted December 8, 2007 Posted December 8, 2007 Ok, I am brand new at this forum stuff. So, be patient please. I am 47 years old and just very recently divorced. I am involved in an affair with a MM that I work with. He is 54. I was married for 27 years, he has been married for 34 years. I have 3 grown children, the youngest is 19 and lives with me. She is adjusting to the many changes in her life as well as can be expected. My MM has a marriage that has lacked many things for many years, communication, sex, etc... , He has a 18 year old daughter in her senior year of HS. They have drifted apart. He is very close to his daughter. They have done many things together. Just spending the kind of time together that his wife and him should have been spending together, but she was not intersested in being a part of that. He was lonely for love but not alone. My marriage also was lacking in communication for many many years, he was not abusive, a drunk, or addicted to anything. He loved me, I know that, yet he took for granted all that we had. He was a very negative person. I was not able to talk to him about anything that wason my mind. We were just living day to day, and romance, and the passion were gone. I was lonely but not alone. Anyway, we see each other 5-6 days of the week. He plans on leaving but wants his daughter to complete her senior year before she finds out. I am waiting, in love, and if I didnt believe in this, I wouldnt be waiting. Am I crazy? Can anyone help me?
stampdaddy Posted December 8, 2007 Posted December 8, 2007 NO, you're not crazy.. You're in love and happy. DO YOU BELIEVE HIM, regarding waiting for the daughter to be out of the nest? If so, wait... It is VERY common for that to be the case.. How long have you been seeing him?
Author washingtonlady Posted December 8, 2007 Author Posted December 8, 2007 We have been seeing him for 2 and a half years. A long time. I cant even imagine giving up on him now. He is such a good, giving, person. Someone who doesn't know him as a person would only see his situation and would think that he is a cheating, self centered, jerk, but have been where he is and I understand that he his situation is very difficult.
stampdaddy Posted December 8, 2007 Posted December 8, 2007 Well, wait. It's not too much longer.. IF you believe that he will make the move.. IF he doesnt, well then that's a different story.. I have been with my MW for 3 1/2 years.. and I am "waiting"...
Author washingtonlady Posted December 8, 2007 Author Posted December 8, 2007 I have total faith that he will make that move after his daugther graduates, so by July or so he will be dealing with taking that next step. In my mind, if something is not happening in this process by then, I will not wait forever. It would be very hard, but I will then have to walk away from this relationship.
Author washingtonlady Posted December 8, 2007 Author Posted December 8, 2007 3 and a half years is a long time. Why are you still waiting?
stampdaddy Posted December 8, 2007 Posted December 8, 2007 3 and a half years is a long time. Why are you still waiting? Because I love her.. we have just entred into NC, 5th day now. We were found out 5 months ago.. She has been asked by H and MC to give them time wiithout me in the picture, while they "figure things out", but I have a feeling that I am a white elephant sitting in the corner... wont wait forever, but I am waiting now..
Author washingtonlady Posted December 8, 2007 Author Posted December 8, 2007 I know that when you feel the way I do about someone, you are willing to wait. Sometimes, along time. I wish you the best.
Author washingtonlady Posted December 8, 2007 Author Posted December 8, 2007 I cant imagine going NC. We have tried it on two different occasions. Lasts about 12 Hours. LOL I guess we really dont want to try that hard.
stampdaddy Posted December 8, 2007 Posted December 8, 2007 I know that when you feel the way I do about someone, you are willing to wait. Sometimes, along time. I wish you the best. Thanks, you too.. If I thought that they were working on the M, I wouldnt wait another second.. But they arent.. so i wait.. H knows about as, BIGTIME, and knows that she loves me.. so it's just getting through the Holidays... She may come back to tell me "goodbye", but REALLY can't see that..
Author washingtonlady Posted December 8, 2007 Author Posted December 8, 2007 We were busted too. But it has been about 6 months ago. He has smoothed it over and she doesn't know we are still seeing each other. But she continues to put no effort into making her M work. He is still waiting to comeout with it all until his daughter graduates. It is a tough time.
stampdaddy Posted December 8, 2007 Posted December 8, 2007 We were busted too. But it has been about 6 months ago. He has smoothed it over and she doesn't know we are still seeing each other. But she continues to put no effort into making her M work. He is still waiting to comeout with it all until his daughter graduates. It is a tough time. 5 months ago here, but H knows we kept seeing each other.. Up until about 4 weeks ago, at least, but he still has his suspicions.. He should.. These have been a long 5 days NC, but I KNOW WWE HAVE TO DO THIS if "WE" are to become "WE", OR, if I just become "ME" again....
stampdaddy Posted December 8, 2007 Posted December 8, 2007 We were busted too. But it has been about 6 months ago. He has smoothed it over and she doesn't know we are still seeing each other. But she continues to put no effort into making her M work. He is still waiting to comeout with it all until his daughter graduates. It is a tough time. ALSO, there can't be any "smoothing over" here.. He knows way too much, in my opinion..
confuseddd Posted December 9, 2007 Posted December 9, 2007 Hey Washington Lady...WOW, reading your post, I can certainly relate...especially this: "He loved me, I know that, yet he took for granted all that we had. He was a very negative person. I was not able to talk to him about anything that wason my mind. We were just living day to day, and romance, and the passion were gone. I was lonely but not alone." That's me too...I can't talk to my hubby about anything in my life...he blows up. He is terribly overbearing and grouchy...no amount of talking to him about his attitude helps. Just makes him madder. and somehow he turns it around on me and makes me out to be the bad guy or the ungrateful one. I feel like I am drifting further and further away. ANYWHOO...just wanted to say hi and glad to know I am not the only one out there who faces this (or in your case FACED).
Author washingtonlady Posted December 9, 2007 Author Posted December 9, 2007 Hi I am glad to visit with someone who can relate to me and my problems. My M has ended, I still care about him, want him to have a good life, I just am tired of spending my life in his negative world. It was time to move on. So I did. Life is too short. I want someone I can be close to, that understands me or will at least talk to me. Both parties in a relationship need that, I think. I am excited about the opportunity to move on. I am trying to be patient while my MM gets things straightened out on his end. It is kinda lonely sometimes right now though. He is worth waiting for though I know that.
KnownTruth Posted December 10, 2007 Posted December 10, 2007 Ok, I am brand new at this forum stuff. So, be patient please. I am 47 years old and just very recently divorced. I am involved in an affair with a MM that I work with. He is 54. I was married for 27 years, he has been married for 34 years. I have 3 grown children, the youngest is 19 and lives with me. She is adjusting to the many changes in her life as well as can be expected. My MM has a marriage that has lacked many things for many years, communication, sex, etc... , He has a 18 year old daughter in her senior year of HS. They have drifted apart. He is very close to his daughter. They have done many things together. Just spending the kind of time together that his wife and him should have been spending together, but she was not intersested in being a part of that. He was lonely for love but not alone. My marriage also was lacking in communication for many many years, he was not abusive, a drunk, or addicted to anything. He loved me, I know that, yet he took for granted all that we had. He was a very negative person. I was not able to talk to him about anything that wason my mind. We were just living day to day, and romance, and the passion were gone. I was lonely but not alone. Anyway, we see each other 5-6 days of the week. He plans on leaving but wants his daughter to complete her senior year before she finds out. I am waiting, in love, and if I didnt believe in this, I wouldnt be waiting. Am I crazy? Can anyone help me? Hi, I was reading your post and can relate to your situation as well. As the OW I feel like I am always waiting for the MM. It's always wait for the kids to get older and then it is some other excuse. I think we all want to believe that our MM loves us and wants to be with us. Basically we as the OW have to decide if we will wait or if we want to move on with our lives. I'm sure you two do really love each other and I hope it does all work out in your favor.
ConfusedGirl004 Posted December 11, 2007 Posted December 11, 2007 From my experience, and from my observation on other women in the same boat....it's an excuse. Today it's the "wait till my daughter leaves home", when that happens, something else will delay the divorce. 99% of the time a MM or MW for that matter, will not initiate a divorce unless the BS rejects them. If his wife wants to work on the marriage, especially after "discovery"....he's not leaving. This may not be what you want to hear...but it's the usual outcome.
Author washingtonlady Posted December 11, 2007 Author Posted December 11, 2007 I read these posts, I know that you all speak from experience, I also know that I cant give up on him now. I believe in us, in him, like I said originally, I might be crazy but, I am here now, I am divorced, my life has taken a total upside down spiral, I am so so sorry for his wife, and daughter. Really I am. I know that is hard to believe. I really am. I love him, and I cant quit! I am giving this that chance because my heart is in this 100%. I might get it broken, I hope not, I dont believe I will, If I believed that I am in for a heart break, I would give up. It just means too much to me right now. I dont know what to say. Sometimes I read my own writing and see what you all see and think that I sound so messed up, but I cant undo where I am today. I have to wait to see what tomorrow brings.
GreenEyedLady Posted December 11, 2007 Posted December 11, 2007 I read these posts, I know that you all speak from experience, I also know that I cant give up on him now. I believe in us, in him, like I said originally, I might be crazy but, I am here now, I am divorced, my life has taken a total upside down spiral, I am so so sorry for his wife, and daughter. Really I am. I know that is hard to believe. I really am. I love him, and I cant quit! I am giving this that chance because my heart is in this 100%. I might get it broken, I hope not, I dont believe I will, If I believed that I am in for a heart break, I would give up. It just means too much to me right now. I dont know what to say. Sometimes I read my own writing and see what you all see and think that I sound so messed up, but I cant undo where I am today. I have to wait to see what tomorrow brings. If you are in this for the long haul, then why not enjoy what you do have? You're not crazy and you don't sound messed up...You're just making a choice that is different than what others would choose...Come to terms with that choice and I think you'll be fine...and keep posting... GEL
Author washingtonlady Posted December 12, 2007 Author Posted December 12, 2007 If you are in this for the long haul, then why not enjoy what you do have? You're not crazy and you don't sound messed up...You're just making a choice that is different than what others would choose...Come to terms with that choice and I think you'll be fine...and keep posting... GEL You are SO right. I guess I am looking at this different. I really feel like I have come to terms with this. Not say it is always easy. But, I have chosen to wait, I believe in him and us, I know it is not morally right. But, I love him. He loves me. We will get through this, and I can take the critisim, I asked for the opinions. I may not agree with them all, or at least some of them I feel make judgement without knowing him or me. Thats really not fare. We are not bad people. Just fell in love.
GreenEyedLady Posted December 12, 2007 Posted December 12, 2007 You are SO right. I guess I am looking at this different. I really feel like I have come to terms with this. Not say it is always easy. But, I have chosen to wait, I believe in him and us, I know it is not morally right. But, I love him. He loves me. We will get through this, and I can take the critisim, I asked for the opinions. I may not agree with them all, or at least some of them I feel make judgement without knowing him or me. Thats really not fare. We are not bad people. Just fell in love. It won't be easy...But if you love each other and believe that it can work and you work toward it, it can happen... People do immoral things everyday and morals are subjective...At the end of the day, do you aspire to be moral or do you want to be with the person you love and know that loves you...Whose opinion matters most to you? Being a good person means something different to each person...Does being a good person mean you are a perfect? Because no one is perfect...So does that mean that everyone is a bad person? Or are only "certain" acts considered to make someone a bad person? And a WS can be forgiven, but an OP not? How does that fit the equation of moral and good? You can make exception for one category and not another? Infidelity is an unfortunate situation, but it's not one that can't be made right; it can... Nothing is a guarantee or an entitlement... Good luck WL...There are those of us here who will support you in whatever choice you make... GEL
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