route1 Posted December 8, 2007 Posted December 8, 2007 hi could you maybe tell us what happened. eg. who the dumper was. what the reason was. and how long you were together. but break ups is something i am going threw now. and even as the dumper i find this one of the hardest things i have done in my life.
polywog Posted December 8, 2007 Posted December 8, 2007 Yes, if you feel like it give us some details. We're here to help, we've all been through it and can give you a lot of support!
Author nykal Posted December 8, 2007 Author Posted December 8, 2007 We were only together for about a year, and we had gone through a lot (cheating, parental problems, etc). We always worked through everything, but recently, things had been sort of off and today, it finally ended. I guess the relationship had run its course... Looking back, I don't have any regrets. Breaking up just always sucks =( And when I think about it now, I think I actually just miss having a boyfriend. So maybe the relationship wasn't really all that special? Sigh... Right now, I'm just dealing with that nagging feeling that's in the back of my heart. Any advice on how to help suppress it? Thank you all for your support. It's nice to know that there's always people that care =)
polywog Posted December 8, 2007 Posted December 8, 2007 Well, break ups are just lousy and you just need to give yourself the permission to grieve it. It just has to run its course. It sucks, but there Is a light at the end of the tunnel because time heals. And we all learn about ourselves, what we really want and need, from these things. Suppressing doesn't work, unfortunately, because you've experienced a real loss that your soul needs to deal with in its own wise way... trust me, it will. Just be super kind to yourself and post here as often as you need. G*d knows, I've sure done it and it really helps to have others here offer compassion and support. Hang in there, toots.
kymberann Posted December 8, 2007 Posted December 8, 2007 A year is a pretty significant amount of time in a relationship, so don't discredit that. Sometimes we miss the relationship, and maybe not so much the person. Sounds like that is what you are telling us. Give yourself some breathing room and just let that nagging feeling happen. Polywog is right, hiding it only makes it worse and prolongs the pain.
marlena Posted December 8, 2007 Posted December 8, 2007 Sometimes we miss the relationship, and maybe not so much the person So very,very true. Often it is not the person, especially if he/she caused us much grief, that we miss but just the being in a relationship. The alternative, being alone, terrifies us and so we continue to cling to the relationship, no matter how detrimental to our well - being it is. We need to conquer our fear of loneliness. Once that it is done, we are more likely to make better choices.
sedgwick Posted December 8, 2007 Posted December 8, 2007 route1, you dumped someone and you still feel bad? i am struggling so hard with thinking the dumpers just go off and laugh at us, or forget us entirely, or hate us. it's just killing me.
kymberann Posted December 8, 2007 Posted December 8, 2007 i am struggling so hard with thinking the dumpers just go off and laugh at us, or forget us entirely, or hate us. it's just killing me. That is a good point. I think it would make this whole thing easier if we/I knew the other person is hurting just as much as I! Why do we do that to ourselves???
sedgwick Posted December 8, 2007 Posted December 8, 2007 Well, in my case it's because I can't fathom that he's hurting. I mean, he dumped me. On the day he dumped me, after a year in which he told me regularly that he loved me -- including the night before he dumped me -- he said, "You'll find someone else." So I know that the thought of me with someone else doesn't bother him at all. I remember him saying to me once when friends of ours broke up, "Yeah, the thing about breakups is that one person gets to be happy and the other one has to be sad." So I know he's the happy one. I doubt he's given me a thought since he walked out the door. Now, five months later, I imagine he doesn't even remember who I am.
Green Posted December 8, 2007 Posted December 8, 2007 You could always count on me babe I'll erase his memory and replace it with new ones. Oh yeah
Da_1_n_OnlyN3na Posted December 8, 2007 Posted December 8, 2007 omg.. me too i been with my bf for a lil more than 1 year and we also wen through cheating (from both parts), trusting problems, jealousy, problems that had to do with him smoking and me drinking..u name it we went through everything...and each day we fought and made up..we were both tired and thought that it wasnt working but we loved each other very much we really wanted to work things out because we really wanted to be toguether...well we broke up and made up and went on a break all in one day..lol..u can imagine how much i cried that night...i spent my whole thanksgiving weekend drinking alot!! trying to forget..well our break is only for 3 weeks he said he was going to come back in 3 or less...he had already started calling me.. i havent mentioned anything about us because were still on a break..were just "friends" rite now..its been so hard but ive been taking this break as a break up...even thought i see him at school evey day i try not to look at him and ignore his prescence, look happy laugh and talk and hangout with my friends...hes been smoking more than ever..i have been working on my issues..one week left to go nd den..i dont know lol hoping for the best...and since we have alot in comon bout our relationship maybe you can do the same as i am doing..a year is kind of a long time..well to me it is since its my longest..and its hard to forget those moments you have spent with that person...good luck
Author nykal Posted December 9, 2007 Author Posted December 9, 2007 i am struggling so hard with thinking the dumpers just go off and laugh at us, or forget us entirely, or hate us. it's just killing me. Sedgwick and kymberann, I'm thinking the exact same thing. I'd feel so much better just knowing he cared at all, or missed me a little. Is it really true in breakups that the dumper doesn't care all that much? And sedgwick, my boyfriend did the same thing! Told me for a year that he loved me, even on the day we broke up. And when we did, he just said, "I think I just like you less. I still care about you, and I don't want to hurt you, but I think if we keep going on I'm going to end up doing it anyway." ??? In major need of some chocolate. Haha, and thank you, KMT ;-)
Da_1_n_OnlyN3na Posted December 9, 2007 Posted December 9, 2007 Wow I Think I Posted My Reply On The Wrong Thread...oops Sorry..
Recommended Posts