Sand&Water Posted December 8, 2007 Posted December 8, 2007 Everything started out a year ago. From the moment I met him I knew I wanted to date him, BUT I couldn't. I mustn't. I had my life to look after. My issues. I convinced myself that he couldn't, must not, have me as "More Than A Friend". He deserved better, and he does. From that point onwards, I declined EVERY SINGLE date. He asked me out, BUT I told him the truth: "My life is in no way ready to date, and open up to someone". He understood, but nonetheless still yearned for a chance. Soon after, this situation turned into a battlefield. We'd get into arguments all the time about all this. He wanted more; I wanted a platonic relationship. Only in the last few months have things gotten worse to the point where I am sure that I have caused more harm than good. I have developed feelings for him -and I don't know what to do with them. I should be happy, because now he and I can start something special. But, that's farthest from the truth. I had a talk with him a few weeks ago, and the things I heard coming from him made me physically sick. The fact that he feels the sparks are gone, and that there is no hope... he doesn't want to become "emotionally involved" with me. He went on to say that... "staying here would mean that I'll fall for you again.. . because of who you are... and I can't do that. you want something different than what I want". I told him to give this another chance, and that things would be different. I'm willing to get to know him on a more personal level, open up and share things about my life that I haven't done. The talk basically ended with him telling me that he'd think about what I've said. That was the last time I heard from him. I left him a message about 2 weeks ago saying that I wanted to talk -catch up on life. Unfortunately I haven't received a word from him thus far. I know I messed up. Badly. This can't be the end of everything ...after all that time, that one year didn't mean anything to him? If he'd ask me out on a date right now, I'd say yes in a heartbeat. I want to fix this, but I don't know how. I want to send him at least an e-mail.. so that I could explain myself... or say something. I want to know if it is really over. It's too late, isn't it? I hate myself. Sand&Water
oppath Posted December 8, 2007 Posted December 8, 2007 Relationships are sometimes about timing, but are sure that you just don't want what you can't have?
Krytie TV Posted December 8, 2007 Posted December 8, 2007 You played your cards and he played his. I'm sorry you missed a chance at something you think would make you happy. Better to focus on the fact that you're ready to open up to someone rather than focus on him. You fought for a year to take care of yourself... don't fu*k it all up now by tearing yourself apart over something that "isn't". That would mean everything you did over the last year was a waste.
oppath Posted December 8, 2007 Posted December 8, 2007 Great point Krytie. Don't filter out the gains you've made as a person because of this one disappointing event.
Author Sand&Water Posted December 15, 2007 Author Posted December 15, 2007 RE: Relationships are sometimes about timing, but are sure that you just don't want what you can't have? I understand relationships are about timing, but that isn't going to stop me. I know what I want. I know that he has most likely moved on to other women, but I'm not willing to let it go. I know this sounds desperate, but it's not at all. Sand&Water
Author Sand&Water Posted December 15, 2007 Author Posted December 15, 2007 RE: You played your cards and he played his. I'm sorry you missed a chance at something you think would make you happy. Better to focus on the fact that you're ready to open up to someone rather than focus on him. You fought for a year to take care of yourself... don't fu*k it all up now by tearing yourself apart over something that "isn't". That would mean everything you did over the last year was a waste. I'm in no position to waste all the efforts and changes I've made for myself over the last year, just because there "isn't" anything. I'm going to continue taking care of myself, and that means growing as person. I have learned a lot through this. I am in some ways still sad though. I talked to him about a week ago, and he said it himself that it is only friendship right now. I still have hope, though, that maybe someday things will change. I don't know. But, I am happy. I'm happy because I still have "something" with him -friendship is good enough for me, even if it's not what I want. I somewhat (we don't talk as much now) have him in my life now, and I hope I don't lose him anytime soon. God. I truly hope things turn around. He left me a message a couple of days ago saying "I'm sorry I was rude last time". From the message, I can tell he was being genuine that he might have hurt my feelings. I haven't responded to his message. Should I? If I do respond, what would I say. That I understand him; that it is okay. I don't know. Sand&Water
kymberann Posted December 15, 2007 Posted December 15, 2007 I am sorry about all this. These relationship issues sure can be difficult, however mature or more experienced they make us in the end! Sometimes timing makes no sense huh? WHy is one person more ready than the other and then out of nowhere it can all pull a switcheroo on you! I say hold on to that hope, again with time it may fall in to place. He may have moved on to to other women, but that does not mean he hasn't or isn't thinking about you. I would call him. Although I think it's a good idea that you didn't right away. Call and let him know that you do understand and leave it open ended. I hope this one goes well with you! Best, Kim
amerikajin Posted December 15, 2007 Posted December 15, 2007 RE: I understand relationships are about timing, but that isn't going to stop me. I know what I want. I know that he has most likely moved on to other women, but I'm not willing to let it go. I know this sounds desperate, but it's not at all. Sand&Water I've been on both sides of this. I know that in my case, it's hard for me to get my interest level up again once I've been rejected. When I was less experienced at dating and didn't know the art of moving on, I would hang around indefinitely, and a time or two I got someone's interest level back up only to have it shot down a second time. Eventually, I learned that you have to move on and find other options. I'm sorry, but guys get vulnerable too. He put himself out there and unfortunately, he wasn't rewarded for his efforts. I am not blaming you at all -- there is nothing you did wrong. It's just a fact of life. As someone said earlier, relationships are often very much about timing. Unfortunately, you can have two people who are otherwise well-matched but who see each other at the wrong time. That's why there are so precious few real relationships that stand the test of time, where people connect on all or almost all levels. I'd say about only 1 out of 10 people who enter into lengthy relationships experience that.
Racquel Colette Posted December 15, 2007 Posted December 15, 2007 The reality of it is....he is just not that into you. If you would have gotten involved with him earlier, he would have lost the sparks and you would have been heartbroken. So....he lost the spark and now he is just not that into you and you just have to move on. This is not your fault. If he was into you, wild horses wouldn't stop him from dating you.
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