Sierra Sunrise Posted December 7, 2007 Posted December 7, 2007 Hi All, I don't know where to begin and this will be along post. I married very very young. At 16 to be exact and him 18. We started off as two of the best friends ever and we shared a lot of things and we entered into marriage blindly, or so I thought, more in depth as we go along. My first affair started when I was seventeen. It was a old boyfriend and it didn't last long because I moved on to a second affair while maintaining the marriage and the first affair. I quickly ended the first affair and became involved in the second and that one too ended. Later on towards the end of being seventeen I quickly realized that I was pregnant with my first child, only to have lost it two months later. When I turned 18 I again had another affair. It was with a guy that lived a couple of blocks over. During this time I became very confused in my marriage and I wasn't prepared to be anyone's wife or a mother. I again became pregnant and lost another pregnancy. I became deeply depressed. When I turned 19 I again became pregnant and this time this one went full term. I had my son, he was beautiful, I slipped into the baby blues which in turn hardened me and turned me cold for some reason. I was prescribed medicine to help with the moods, though I didn't take any, my thoughts have always been unless I'm dying I'm not taking prescriptions. That's just how I've always been. I began working out and regaining my body back, amazing energy, and I went to work for the gym that I had a membership at. I met another man who in turn after about six months I had a emotional affair with. This one I caught onto and ended it. Throughout my years, I'm quite a bit older now and into my thirties, I have had many many many affairs and I have often wondered why? Why do I do this? Why do I continue to push my family aside and do this? Partially it's selfishness, the need to be desired, the need of romance, the need of a great deal many things. Although I would get so angry at my husband when every time he would show affection he'd want sex. I hated that. So then I took action and went into Christian Counseling. It worked wonders. I started that when I was 27 and I learned so much about myself. I should mention I come from a abusive childhood. Very abusive. My mother was most always either non existent (on drugs all the time) or she was mean as hell. My step father was sexually abusive from the time I was 5 on up until I turned 14 and threatened to kill him. I spent many years in counseling and now I help out in the church. I came clean to my husband about all the affairs. I grieved and felt extreme guilt and regret. My husband and I made it through it. Has he forgotten no. Will he? No. He has though forgiven me. We attend couples counseling three times a week and we are clear on what each others needs are. I know all too well the whole cheating cycle. You say things you don't mean, you lead a double life, your emotions get involved with some of them which in turn you can't run your marital life, especially if you're experiencing relationship problems, I've been there, bought the t-shirt and never going back. I just wanted to get my story out here to say that sometimes a cheater can be reformed. I have learned that I needed to love myself, gain some self esteem, confidence, and get my mental state together. That's all.
Touche Posted December 7, 2007 Posted December 7, 2007 Wow. I'm not really sure what to say. I just wanted to welcome you here. I'm sure your story will inspire others. I think you can help a lot of people on here. You sound like a very strong person. Do you feel that your marriage is solid now?
cj1988 Posted December 7, 2007 Posted December 7, 2007 Hello and welcome. I am glad to see someone come on here and be brave enough to tell a story like that....I to came from a messed up home and in turn did not have affairs, but treated my husband badly because of what I was feeling inside. I was not molested by my dad, but he was mean and hateful and abusive. I was raped by one of his friends when I was 8.....so I have always had a bad feeling about myself inside, I hated me and in turn made everyone around me miserable. I did not know why I was so angry inside until this year in therapy.....I did go through some men in my teens and did have an affair with my now H.....always looking for someone to love me, but could not accept love because I did not love myself first....so I am glad to hear you M has a happy ending, maybe mine will as well, if not I will be fine alone !
cj1988 Posted December 7, 2007 Posted December 7, 2007 Hello and welcome. I am glad to see someone come on here and be brave enough to tell a story like that....I to came from a messed up home and in turn did not have affairs, but treated my husband badly because of what I was feeling inside. I was not molested by my dad, but he was mean and hateful and abusive. I was raped by one of his friends when I was 8.....so I have always had a bad feeling about myself inside, I hated me and in turn made everyone around me miserable. I did not know why I was so angry inside until this year in therapy.....I did go through some men in my teens and did have an affair with my now H.....always looking for someone to love me, but could not accept love because I did not love myself first....so I am glad to hear you M has a happy ending, maybe mine will as well, if not I will be fine alone !
Cobra_X30 Posted December 7, 2007 Posted December 7, 2007 Life can suck sometimes. I'm glad God called you! Repent and Atone, value the man you have. Welcome!
Author Sierra Sunrise Posted December 7, 2007 Author Posted December 7, 2007 Yes My marriage is very solid now. We both have times in which we bring up hard questions but we are both honest. We spend a lot of time with each other now and like minded couples. That was another thing that we both had a problem with early on. WE did things separately and not as a couple and we spent time with single people as well. Which I don't blame single people at all. We just didn't do things as a couple. I still had my own problems and my own faults that I had to work through. I had a great deal many years to overcome things and I can honestly say now that I don't have the slightest inkling to cheat. As a result of all this I have lost several family members including my mom, because she knew everything that was happening when I was younger but didn't prevent it or take action. I've lost my brother, because he sides with my mom, but you know what I forgive them. I do. CJ I have been following your story for quite some time now. I'm so sorry that you're going through what you're going through. It's a weird story indeed and yes those resentment, anger, and all that bottled up is not good. You should try at least some IC. I think you're doing good by leaving him and going to the lakehouse. It's make or break time and I'm glad to see you've finally gotten yourself back. Keep going with it. Again thankyou all for the welcoming.
Cobra_X30 Posted December 7, 2007 Posted December 7, 2007 As a result of all this I have lost several family members including my mom, because she knew everything that was happening when I was younger but didn't prevent it or take action. I've lost my brother, because he sides with my mom, but you know what I forgive them. I do. Sierra! I am very sure that my sister went through this! She tried to tell me once but I was not there to listen... perhaps I was too young. I've cut my mother out completely! My sister is lost to drugs. If she ever recovers... I will be there this time. Maybe some day your brother will see the light. Have hope!
Author Sierra Sunrise Posted December 8, 2007 Author Posted December 8, 2007 Hey Cobra, I'm sorry to hear about your sister. Yeah it's hard when it comes down to it. See the man in question was my step father and he's my brother's real dad. So it makes it doubly hard for my brother. However my brother isn't stupid and he knows it happened. He just wants to side with my mom. My mom is a very very very harsh person and I just cannot be around her. She likes the "Oh pity me" stuff to get everyone to give her attention and for me that doesn't work. When I came clean I didn't use my abuse as a excuse. I just said I did it, owned up to my actions and my husband was the one that brought the abuse thing up and the counselor said "Yes that can have a lot to do with it right there", plus my own father was not around, though that was again my mom's doing I would find out way later in life. So yeah it's a multitude of things. However I still own my actions and I live with it, but I have forgiven myself, my husband has forgiven me and we are open books to each other plus doing things with each other. Both of us have access to everything and anything and we are bluntly honest with one another, which does help. We attend counseling together, go on date nights, attend church together and we are living as a family. Neither one of our children know anything about it at all, we have chosen to not tell them or give them that information. We have moved on and we really do not want the kids involved. It's a long road but when you do something wrong you must own up, get help, and move on. That's my take at least.
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