sakeeta Posted December 7, 2007 Posted December 7, 2007 I am having a hard time coping with a new development in this journey! I wrote a little while ago that I broke NC with a man that I had left in early October. During our visit he was ugly and unpleasant, and even though I know he is hurt..I decided that when I left I did indeed make the right decision because I don't feel that he ever really loved me..or at least wasn't IN love with me. I have had an undying love and desire for this man for 2 1/2 years. No matter what ever happened between us, that love has never wavered...not in all that time, even though I left. And we have been through a lot..the relationship was often in turmoil, but it never affected the love I had for this man. Even after I left in October, I still was as love with him as I have always been, until that visit. In less than an hour, and I am not sure how, he killed it. I honestly don't think I am in love with him anymore. I am kind of having a hard time dealing with that, because I am of the same belief as Spookie that real true love is unconditional, undying and forever. I never in a million years thought I would feel the way I have in the past couple of weeks for this man. Is it possible that love can be killed, that it can die like that? Is it possible that I was never really in love at all? If not..what was it? I have never felt that way about anyone before..how do you know when it is the real thing? If it was real..then what happened? I can see his house from mine and when I look that way I just feel a kind of disgust and it really kind of blows me away. I would have bet a million dollars I don't have a year ago that I would never feel this way about him..and now I do. I would have lost a million dollars!
cj1988 Posted December 7, 2007 Posted December 7, 2007 I have no idea, except my H said I killed his....whatever, he is an idiot so it does not matter anyway !
mav100 Posted December 7, 2007 Posted December 7, 2007 You can be angry with someone, even bordering on hatred. However, ask yourself this question: How would you feel if something horrible happened to him? If you are just angry or disappointed, then the answer would be obvious - you'd feel bad and want to help. However, if you really don't have any more feelings left, regardless of the circumstances of what this "horrible" thing is, you'd feel somewhat indifferent about it. That's at least one way of looking at it to see what, if anything, has changed about your feelings.
norajane Posted December 7, 2007 Posted December 7, 2007 Loss of respect for someone, developing contempt for them, call kill love faster than anything.
MattyTee Posted December 10, 2007 Posted December 10, 2007 I guess that it depends a little on your definition of love. If you love someone because of who they are, how they act and what they do, then 'love' can die. If they do something that makes you lose respect for them or develop contempt as Nora says, then I believe those feelings will change as they no longer seem to be the person you 'fell in love' with. If love is something a bit deeper and perhaps more mysterious then maybe it isn't something that simply dies but is instead something we aren't always in touch with. Maybe our ego kicks in or our rational mind and states that we 'hate' this person, or they hurt us so badly that we shouldn't love them any more. The love is masked by our sense of self. I just wanted to give a different perspective I don't think you really need to worry about it, it's in the past and you can just accept that you feel a certain way now. I wouldn't worry whether you have or haven't loved, at least not rationally. If you felt love, it was love
Author sakeeta Posted December 13, 2007 Author Posted December 13, 2007 Thank you all for the responses. Yes MattyTee..what I felt was love. I know I loved the man I thought he was, but didn't turn out to be. I think he has just hurt me so bad that I don't know what to feel. I have been doing pretty well until today, but the tears are falling again. I feel so betrayed! And I am so sad. I am tired of being so sad.
Trialbyfire Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 Loss of respect for someone, developing contempt for them, call kill love faster than anything. No kidding. I found that out fast. Real love is conditional, regardless of what people might think. You both have to fuel it in a healthy manner or it can turn into an obsession, especially when it's not returned.
serendip Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 But I think the distance between love and anger is not that far one is nurturing and the other one is spiteful You can't be angry with someone if you never loved them indifference is when the love is gone
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