Author cj1988 Posted December 7, 2007 Author Posted December 7, 2007 Oddly enough, I do not want him to feel pain or be insecure by my choice to take a break.....I want him to understand why and use it to help HIM and US, no matter what the outcome.....you see I am not the devil he thinks I am !
AynRand Posted December 8, 2007 Posted December 8, 2007 I'm really pleased CJ! It's going to be tough, but don't take anything less than what you desire. Getting your power back must be a tremendous rush for you! Like a warm spring day after a long bleak winter.
Author cj1988 Posted December 10, 2007 Author Posted December 10, 2007 Thank yuou everyone, I am finally there. I told him I was NOT asking permission to take a break, he said you do and we are over, I said that is your choice, if we do not we are over anyway.....he has NO idea where I am now, but he shall see....I'm BACK
Triarge Posted December 10, 2007 Posted December 10, 2007 Omg! I love your warrior spirit!! It is so inspiring! You've drawn that line in the sand and said enough! You have so much courage girl. Go take your life back and I hope it all works out for you
Author cj1988 Posted December 10, 2007 Author Posted December 10, 2007 Thank you TRI, it feels GOOD ! So good to be ME again and not have him controlling my every emotion and move.....I do not want to hurt him, I just want time by MYSELF to figure out what I want now, he owes me that at the least for what I have been through. If not, he can divorce me, I do not care. He could have avoided all of this if he would have listened when I asked him to treat me like a HUMAN ! I do love him, but now I am starting to question in what way do I love him.....that is what I have to figure out. I am a true romantic at heart and want to be with someone that loves me as much and as true as I love them, I think we have blown that over the years and sometimes it just is not meant no matter what ! He is not a bad guy, just a really screwed up one at the moment or has been his entire life.....I am too tired and too pround to endure his behavior any longer....I can finally say good bye if necessary and BE FINE ! Never thought that was possible, I even shocked myself, how funny is that !
abeliever Posted December 10, 2007 Posted December 10, 2007 CJ- I am so proud of you! I wish you nothing but peace and much luck. I hope when my house sells I too can become free! My daughter left for college also last year. This too will be my first time living alone. A little scary but looking forward to it. I have been buying things I will need so he can have the majority of it. So that has been fun. Good luck. Keep us posted. abeliever
Author cj1988 Posted December 10, 2007 Author Posted December 10, 2007 Abeliver, thank you very much. I feel GREAT....he is not making this easy of course, but who gives a s---- what he thinks or wants, not me ! This is all about ME now and I am excited and cannot wait to start my NEW single life for the first time.....yes, I am scared, but intrigues at the same time. Funny thing, I have already had 3 men tell me that when I am free that want to take me out, felt good......but that is no time soon....I want to be alone for a while, check out the scenery instead of closing my eyes. As for the H, I do not wish him harm or pain, just hope that he gets his life straight and can live a happy life one day and find the one he can be himself with again. He does not want out of course, but too late now....shoud have thought about that before he treated me like dirt when I needed him the most. Sad, but true......the A if indeed happened is not why I am leaving him, it is because of him and how he treats me......it was just a wake up call.....Dear Sissy looks like she actually did me a favor......she does not talk to him now either......he lost BOTH with his crap, not my problem. Let me know when you are on your own, I do not know where you live, but maybe one day we can meet, that would be nice !
abeliever Posted December 10, 2007 Posted December 10, 2007 CJ, You sound like your doing great! I can just see you going on and really finding the life you deserve. Good luck! Yes, I would love to meet, I live in Missouri but can fly anywhere to meet. I have often wondered if all of us would like to set a date and time to meet? Not to hook up, but to finally see the faces that goes with the names? Like do a annual or semi annual meet and greet? Just a thought? We could meet in Chicago? Dallas? LA? NYC? Me, I like warm places like Florida ( Miami )? Anyway, Good luck CJ you really deserve it, I am truly happy for you! abeliever
Author cj1988 Posted December 11, 2007 Author Posted December 11, 2007 Abeliver, That sounds awesome. I am in Atlanta, so as of today it will be 78, another record breaker. I was born and raised here and love it !m I also thought how nice it would be to meet the people that I have poured my life and heart into. It is like we all share that special bond that keeps us strong and that is amzing for strangers to be that way....that is why I love LS so much. As we can all see there are decent people left in this world and that is what it is all about
JustBreathe Posted December 12, 2007 Posted December 12, 2007 CJ, you are making the best decision you can make! This is long but your post resonates with me. My H jerked me around for 3 years after D-day. Oh I heard the divorce crap over and over and he refused to come completely clean with me. I know when he is lying. We separated for 4 months during that time during which I cried for him to come home, he eventually did, although somewhat reluctantly. Then I got another year of mind twisting crap from him. One day, I found a hidden email account and asked him why he had it and demanded he open it. He refused saying "You're not my mother." That was it for me and a few days later I told him to leave. He looked at me in disbelief, he didn't think I would ever do that, and out he walked with head high in the air and moved into one of our rentals which was vacant. I told him NO contact and stuck to it. No emails. No phone calls. No nothing. It took ONE WEEK of no contact with me to come crying and sobbing to come home again. He couldn't handle the no contact. Was used to me blubbering like a two year old. He never did open the email account and I didn't ask him to as I felt he had time to erase anything on there he didn't want me to see. But after that he straighed out and has been different ever since. Too bad. I haven't felt the same way about him since and I never will. Let me tell you, CJ, it was the best week I ever had in the whole 20 plus years of marital "bliss" I had with him. I didn't really want him to come home and were it not for my boys missing him so much and their ages at that time, I would not have done it. I didn't feel ready for him to come home. I was enjoying my freedom. I regret it sometimes to this day that I caved. Were it not for having my boys at home needing him and wanting him to come home, I swear, I would not have done it. Every time I would start to miss him I would think about all the lies and deceit. I knew in my stomach I shouldn't let him come home, but i did. So... FOLLOW THROUGH. Give yourself a well deserved break from all the heartache and confusion and lies. Tell him you need time to think and don't want to see him or hear from him. You wll not regret it. Do not let him talk you into coming home until you are ready. If you ever are. Do it, CJ, and you won't regret it. I promise. It will be sad for a couple of days, but it doesn't last because when we women have had it, we have HAD it. Your husband has a hard head like mine. He may never learn. Then again, he might. Here's to us reformed doormats!! I like who I am now alot more than I did the poor confused taken for granted creature I used to be. Go CJ.
abeliever Posted December 12, 2007 Posted December 12, 2007 JB- I agree 100% you really have to move out or they need to. That time will clearify the things you need to figure out. One way or another. Glad your M worked out! CJ- I have a friend who lives in Marietta and I go visit all the time! We will have to set a meet and greet. I haven't seen my thread of all of us meeting not sure if they pulled it off or not? But I am hoping eveyone does want to at least maybe in the near future? You are going to do just fine CJ, I am sure of it. Good luck again. abeliever
Author cj1988 Posted December 12, 2007 Author Posted December 12, 2007 JB, all I can say is bless your heart. I am so sorry you are somewhat trapped in that life. I know when it finally hit me that I was not happy with him and I wanted a break, I was totally a different person right then...I was me again and I have not changed since...I am not mean to him at all, I am not anything to him in anyway. He still tells me he loves me in the morning, I do not respond all the time and if I do it is like I would a friend. I am just so ready to go and be ALONE for the first time in my life, It is sooooo exciting ! I will watch for you on the web and if you have a private e-mail, send me a private message.....good luck sweetie ! AB, what's up my new friend. I have a lot of friends in Marietta and I am not far from there at all right now. The lake house is south of ATL, but I work near the airport, so I am around all the time. Whenever you are here, look me up. I will send my real address to you now
Author cj1988 Posted December 12, 2007 Author Posted December 12, 2007 Abeliever, I tried to send you a message, you have it where you cannot accept any.....let me know how to send my real info to you
Author cj1988 Posted December 19, 2007 Author Posted December 19, 2007 Funny thing happened this week. My H of course is being really nice NOW actually thought I was going to his fathers for Christmas this weekend. After all that we have been through he still does not get it...I AM NOT GOING NEAR DEAR SISSY ever again! I have no use for that side of his family nor any of his right now. I am working on getting myself back together so I am not getting side tracked. I have one issue, I feel bad now. Although I know I am doing the right thing, BUT I feel like I am acting like he did to me....meaning when I was hurt and trying to be with him he did not care and I could not understand how he could be that way to his W...now I feel I am doing the same. I see him hurting and trying, but now I am mad and do not care. I am not ugly to him or ignore him like he did me, I am just living and he is there. I do not like to see anyone hurt and he is just that, hurting. He told me that he does not understand what I want...I keep telling him all I was wanted was the truth and honesty a year ago and he has never done that....he said I HAVE TOLD YOU EVERYTHING, there is nothing to tell. Don't you think if I have done something I would tell you now, when you have decided to leave? He said I am not going to make up a lie to keep you....nothing happened with my sister, period. You can try and make something of it, but nothing happened.....I love her and she is my sis and the only one out of 5 sibs I feel a connection with....I finally found someone I look like and have a lot in common with as sibs and it was awesome....not so much the black sheep anymore. I love you with all my heart and that is all I can tell you, nothing happened..... But, after all that, I cannot believe it and maybe it is me......they do not talk anymore, she called him once this month around Thanksgiving and that was it. He does not seem to care to call her or any of them to be honest. I really do not know what to make of it all.....I just do not want to be mean or cruel like him......especially if he is telling the truth. He is not overly nice, just trying now. I asked him why the change, he said it is not a change, just reacting off you.....he said I am controlling and he is not living that way, but I am not....just because a W wants her H to come home at night is not controlling.....what if I am condeming an inncoent man? I hate that !
Confused9 Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 CJ, Either way, if he did or didn't have an A with his sister - he still treated you poorly, talked about you behind your back and was less than nice to you. After all of this...you still don't want to be married to him and why should you. He has NOT treated you well at all. He may have had an A he may not have but your gut tells you he did and the evidence is there. I know you have a heart so it's hard for you to not feel bad...but don't let your guard down. Regardless of him wanting to get back with you right now...you have already made up your mind. You want a fresh start. Too little too late, right? If he still continues to persue you and you entertain the option of getting abck wtih him that is your choice...not his. You need to be in control. This is your life...you need to do what makes you happy. You don't have to be mean, cold, or hurtful...you just can't be in this M right now. You know it isn't the best thing. Tell him that. Tell him you need your space. Tell him you wanted him to say the things he's now saying months ago...and right now they aren't going to just 'fix' the problem. He needs to work hard to fix it. Let him work hard for it!!! You can do this. I know it's hard. Go with what you want to do.
Author cj1988 Posted December 19, 2007 Author Posted December 19, 2007 Thank you CJ I am fine with the leaving part, I just hate to hurt people no matter what.....I know me and I will get past it.....I am sure I will feel differently when I am finally out and having a GOOD time ALONE I cannot wait.... How are you? Did you call or text him, you better not !
Confused9 Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 I was okay...now I am having a few bad days. I hate this rollercoaster. I did not text him back and didn't text him on his birthday (Saturday.) Sunday and Monday I felt SO BAD for HIM thinking he was sad. Then I realized he probably didn't care. I mean...why would he? His moving on with her so quickly is killing me. He is in another state and while he is not talking to any of our friends back here. He has been on myspace and his page is private so I don't know waht is says on there but I know she is on there and our mutual friends can see it and that hurts SO BAD. I don't know waht she wrote to him and if the baby is true then there could be something about taht on there. I don't know. That is the part that kills me. He is so far away and I have no idea what the h*ll is going on. I just feel embarrased for our friends (not close friends, but still) to see his page and no that I am nowhere to be found but there is this new girl on his page with their picture as her default for everyone to see. It is just heart breaking. He moved on SO fast!
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