Woggle Posted December 7, 2007 Posted December 7, 2007 This is not a thread to bash the OW or any of that but if many of you actually got what you wanted from these men you would get bored within a year and would be looking for greener grass. You date MM because a real relationship scares you and a MM is safe. That being said you are still human and you do have a heart so you fall in love which is why you tear yourself apart emotionally.
Suny1 Posted December 7, 2007 Posted December 7, 2007 You are most likely right!! I have had to deal with this heartache that was totally unnecessary on my part. I wanted to believe I could have a better life and an exciting one that wouldn't BORE me. Seeing how I am easily bored, am sure by looking at the *grass on the other side....it wouldn't be any *greener than what I had in my own yard. I was in love with what I wanted it to be... sighh. Now just looking forward to some snow this winter to maybe make MY own grass greener next spring! lol:laugh:
OWoman Posted December 7, 2007 Posted December 7, 2007 This is not a thread to bash the OW or any of that but if many of you actually got what you wanted from these men you would get bored within a year and would be looking for greener grass. You date MM because a real relationship scares you and a MM is safe. That being said you are still human and you do have a heart so you fall in love which is why you tear yourself apart emotionally. I disagree respectfully with you, Woggle. I've always gotten exactly what I wanted from "these men". "Bored within a year" is good going for me - I'm usually bored with a SG in ten minutes and with a MM in about three weeks, but current MM has lasted far longer than my M ever did!
frannie Posted December 7, 2007 Posted December 7, 2007 ... if many of you actually got what you wanted from these men you would get bored within a year and would be looking for greener grass. You date MM because a real relationship scares you and a MM is safe. Hello Woggle, what are you basing these conclusions on?
Author Woggle Posted December 7, 2007 Author Posted December 7, 2007 Hello Woggle, what are you basing these conclusions on? From what I have seen and read and how these women have treated commited relationships in the past.
JamesM Posted December 7, 2007 Posted December 7, 2007 With all due respect, Woggle, it is hard to be honest on this forum. For most of us who observe the OW/OM forum, we have so much we could say, because we are not in their situation. IMO, most OMs and OWs hang on to a dream that one day, he /she will become my committed husband/wife. And unfortunately, for most it will never happen. While this shouldn't bother me, it does. I see so many (mostly women) people getting hurt here by mostly men who are enjoying the fruits of marriage and the "thrill" of an affair. The reality is....most MM simply want some excitement on the side. If they received the ultimatum...."If you want to be committed to me, then I will be here after your divorce."....then less people would be hurt. It makes me angry that so many men can get away with living a double life and hurting so many women with their selfishness. Just my opinion. There is no intention to hurt anyone with my comments. None of them are directed to any particular situation. And I admit...my opinions could be wrong.
addicted2love Posted December 7, 2007 Posted December 7, 2007 This is not a thread to bash the OW or any of that but if many of you actually got what you wanted from these men you would get bored within a year and would be looking for greener grass. You date MM because a real relationship scares you and a MM is safe. That being said you are still human and you do have a heart so you fall in love which is why you tear yourself apart emotionally. I whole heartedly disagree with you here Woggle. While I'm sure there are men and women out there that fit your discription and are easily bored with ANY relationship in a short period of time. I don't think that OW are typically looking for "greener grass" as you say. You are assuming that A's are not "real relationships". Then how do you explain long term A's that go on for years at a time? I am aware of more long term A's than I am flings. Nice of you to say that we're human and do have a heart, however I found that to be more condesending that it was "sweet". I'm sure that there are OW out there that are out to have fun with any man the comes along M or otherwise. But the majority of the OW I've met do not fall into that catagory. The "real" OW struggles daily with a multitude of things that go far beyond simply looking for the next best thing. IMO you've generalized all OW to be one type of person. That happens a lot here. Which is why I no longer post any of my own personal details here on LS. I was tired of being lumped into a catagory, stereo typed and judged. That's the kind of thing that happens in high school. For example....In high school when a guy has long hair he must be a "druggie". If a teenage girl get's pregnant she must be a "slut". If a person is a good student they're considered a "nerd". If a person is bashful they are called a "loner". So if an OW falls in love with a MM she's automatically a "home wrecker" "tramp" etc. It is unfair to generalize people this way. A2L
stampdaddy Posted December 7, 2007 Posted December 7, 2007 This is not a thread to bash the OW or any of that but if many of you actually got what you wanted from these men you would get bored within a year and would be looking for greener grass. You date MM because a real relationship scares you and a MM is safe. That being said you are still human and you do have a heart so you fall in love which is why you tear yourself apart emotionally. Can a OM speak? I would love nothing more than to share "life's little details" with her.. I feel that these struggles that we have/are going through would make anything else a piece of cake (that same piece of cake that she's been eating??) Anyway, for me at least, my eyes are wide open and I just seek the freedom of "normal, everyday, ho-humness with the person I LOVE" thanks
Author Woggle Posted December 7, 2007 Author Posted December 7, 2007 I admit there are exceptions but I do think this is the case with most OW. I do think that OW are sluts or any of that but I do think most of them have issues that cause them to seek out these type of relationships that go nowhere. I think they are very similiar to drug addicts and alchoholics and their addiction to an unhealthy situation.
Author Woggle Posted December 7, 2007 Author Posted December 7, 2007 Can a OM speak? I would love nothing more than to share "life's little details" with her.. I feel that these struggles that we have/are going through would make anything else a piece of cake (that same piece of cake that she's been eating??) Anyway, for me at least, my eyes are wide open and I just seek the freedom of "normal, everyday, ho-humness with the person I LOVE" thanks You have knight in shining armor syndrome which is a little different than most OW but will end up in drama and heartbreak just the same.
Art_Critic Posted December 7, 2007 Posted December 7, 2007 I do think that OW are sluts or any of that but I do think most of them have issues that cause them to seek out these type of relationships that go nowhere. I think you meant Don't... Right ?
Author Woggle Posted December 7, 2007 Author Posted December 7, 2007 I think you meant Don't... Right ? I did mean don't and I apologize for any misunderstanding.
addicted2love Posted December 7, 2007 Posted December 7, 2007 I admit there are exceptions but I do think this is the case with most OW. I do think that OW are sluts or any of that but I do think most of them have issues that cause them to seek out these type of relationships that go nowhere. I think they are very similiar to drug addicts and alchoholics and their addiction to an unhealthy situation. I'm going to assume that you meant to say that you DON'T think OW are sluts and that was simply a typo. I agree that there are women (and men) that continuously "find" themselves in unhealthy situations and that there are people with addictive personalities. These types of people should seek counceling to try and live a healthy life. However the OW that live this way and actually "seek out" MM or unfit partners are a minority, NOT the majority. I've seen fewer OW on this forum with "addictive personalities", ones that are "serial OW". Than I've seen real people trying to make the best out of a difficult situation with the person they truly love. Also when I read the posts written by these serial OW I tend not to believe them at all. I've often thought they were just trolls trying to give ALL OW a bad name. Real OW have zero respect for these types of women. A2L
stampdaddy Posted December 7, 2007 Posted December 7, 2007 You have knight in shining armor syndrome which is a little different than most OW but will end up in drama and heartbreak just the same. I DO have that syndrome, which is OK, at least for me, and YES, it will make this hurt all the more... IF it doesnt work out
Author Woggle Posted December 7, 2007 Author Posted December 7, 2007 I DO have that syndrome, which is OK, at least for me, and YES, it will make this hurt all the more... IF it doesnt work out That syndrome will do nothing but cause you pain and drama until you get rid of it.
stampdaddy Posted December 7, 2007 Posted December 7, 2007 That syndrome will do nothing but cause you pain and drama until you get rid of it. I'm in this boat, and because of the syndrom, here is where I will sit, being all "noble" and stuff... looking like a fool to most, I am sure
Author Woggle Posted December 7, 2007 Author Posted December 7, 2007 I'm in this boat, and because of the syndrom, here is where I will sit, being all "noble" and stuff... looking like a fool to most, I am sure Since you know where this will eventually lead why do you keep beating your head against a wall? Why are you doing this to yourself?
stampdaddy Posted December 7, 2007 Posted December 7, 2007 Since you know where this will eventually lead why do you keep beating your head against a wall? Why are you doing this to yourself? I guess I don't know, and it is very recent, this supposed NC, day 4... I'll get there, not worried about that, just will take time. AND HOPE I'll be OK, but I am VERY hurt right now, that is why I am here.... thanks
addicted2love Posted December 7, 2007 Posted December 7, 2007 You have knight in shining armor syndrome which is a little different than most OW but will end up in drama and heartbreak just the same. What a load!!! How is it that you can make an exception for an OM by saying he has "knight and shining armor syndrom"? How is this different? How is what he's feeling and going through any different than what an OW feels? Understandably there are less OM on this board than there are OW but that's not to say they aren't out there. Do MOST OM suffer from this syndrom? Since you say most OW are only out for the "drama and heartbreak?" Such a double standard. Also I find it funny that I've posted three times now and you've not responded, especially since your original post asked for "honesty". I gave some VERY honest points to consider which you've chosen to ignore. (please don't take this personally stampdaddy...I believe your feelings about your situation are very real and I understand what you are going through completely) A2L
Author Woggle Posted December 7, 2007 Author Posted December 7, 2007 I guess I don't know, and it is very recent, this supposed NC, day 4... I'll get there, not worried about that, just will take time. AND HOPE I'll be OK, but I am VERY hurt right now, that is why I am here.... thanks I understand you are hurt but this woman is cheatin on her husband and you expect her not to play you. She is not worth tearing yourself up over.Go out and enjoy life and forget about her.
whichwayisup Posted December 7, 2007 Posted December 7, 2007 He doesn't have PM priviledges yet. Needs a higher post count and more time on LS to become an established member, then he can have PM's.
whichwayisup Posted December 7, 2007 Posted December 7, 2007 I understand you are hurt but this woman is cheatin on her husband and you expect her not to play you. She is not worth tearing yourself up over.Go out and enjoy life and forget about her. Wog, I'm sure he knows this and coming to LS will open up his eyes eventually and he'll do more reading, see that his situation, his MW isn't so different than any other MM and what he feels isn't much different than any OW on here. Give the guy time, all this is new to him and he's only just begun to figure things out - Day 4 of NC, well, that's a start.
Author Woggle Posted December 7, 2007 Author Posted December 7, 2007 What a load!!! How is it that you can make an exception for an OM by saying he has "knight and shining armor syndrom"? How is this different? How is what he's feeling and going through any different than what an OW feels? Understandably there are less OM on this board than there are OW but that's not to say they aren't out there. Do MOST OM suffer from this syndrom? Since you say most OW are only out for the "drama and heartbreak?" Such a double standard. Also I find it funny that I've posted three times now and you've not responded, especially since your original post asked for "honesty". I gave some VERY honest points to consider which you've chosen to ignore. (please don't take this personally stampdaddy...I believe your feelings about your situation are very real and I understand what you are going through completely) A2L Again there are exceptions but it is generally a different experience. OW believe all the crap that a married player feeds them and they are hooked. They start out dating a married man because they feel it is a safe way to have male companionship without the extra commitment but they quicky fall in love because cheating men are very slick and know how to play with a woman's emotions. OM tend to be nice guys that believe most women are being mistreated by men so they fall for a cheating woman's sob story. They meet these women who complain about their husbands and they fall for her whining when in reality their husband is probably a good man who has no clue his wife is two timer. Stampdaddy is a typical rescuer who believes this woman's sob story.
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