mattea Posted December 7, 2007 Posted December 7, 2007 if you wanted to have sex every day, and your partner (who you loved) only wanted to a few times a week, would you leave the relationship?
pgam Posted December 7, 2007 Posted December 7, 2007 Ok, sex isn't everything. It's wonderful, but it isn't everything. Trust me, I know. After I got out of a long term relationship, I spent the nest few years after it fell apart "sowing my oats", as it were. I studied women, bedded tons of hot women. I had more sex in a month than I had in the entire long term relationship. However, I found it sort of empty. Finally, I met an incredible woman. she is intelligent, sexy as a centerfold, and remarkable in so many ways. She is my bride-to-be. We had some issues at the beginning, as I had sex every day for a very long time and was enjoying the development of the relationship with her, exploring things I hadn't when I was the "player". She, on the other hand, wanted sex everyday, to her it was part of enjoying the development of the relationship. So? What did we do? We came to some agreements. If our relationship was not what each other had been seeking (sexual libidos, aside), we probably would not have made it to the agreement part. I would have gone about doing what I had been doing, and she, well, I have no idea what she would be doing now. Most likely, seeking the man of her desires. Our sex life is wonderful. It is made more wonderful by not just being a physical act, but the joining of two souls. Your answer lies in what you really want at this point. Do you want to have sex everyday? Go do it, have a new partner every month or whatever. However, is this person really your soul mate? If so, find a mutually agreeable compromise. Your love making will be greater with the love of your life. There is nothing like the act of two souls coming together in a celebration of your love. On the other hand, physical sex, no commitment sex, well, honestly, masturbation is just as good. An added plus is you can incorporate your partner into these solo sessions, either with them present, or in your mind. Figure out how meaningful the relationship is actually to you and then decide what you are to do. Further, if this is the person for you, there are ways to bring your partner's libido on a closer level to yours. That, however, is a story for another post.
Javelin Posted December 7, 2007 Posted December 7, 2007 Ok, sex isn't everything. It's wonderful, but it isn't everything. Trust me, I know. After I got out of a long term relationship, I spent the nest few years after it fell apart "sowing my oats", as it were. I studied women, bedded tons of hot women. I had more sex in a month than I had in the entire long term relationship. However, I found it sort of empty. Finally, I met an incredible woman. she is intelligent, sexy as a centerfold, and remarkable in so many ways. She is my bride-to-be. We had some issues at the beginning, as I had sex every day for a very long time and was enjoying the development of the relationship with her, exploring things I hadn't when I was the "player". She, on the other hand, wanted sex everyday, to her it was part of enjoying the development of the relationship. So? What did we do? We came to some agreements. If our relationship was not what each other had been seeking (sexual libidos, aside), we probably would not have made it to the agreement part. I would have gone about doing what I had been doing, and she, well, I have no idea what she would be doing now. Most likely, seeking the man of her desires. Our sex life is wonderful. It is made more wonderful by not just being a physical act, but the joining of two souls. Your answer lies in what you really want at this point. Do you want to have sex everyday? Go do it, have a new partner every month or whatever. However, is this person really your soul mate? If so, find a mutually agreeable compromise. Your love making will be greater with the love of your life. There is nothing like the act of two souls coming together in a celebration of your love. On the other hand, physical sex, no commitment sex, well, honestly, masturbation is just as good. An added plus is you can incorporate your partner into these solo sessions, either with them present, or in your mind. Figure out how meaningful the relationship is actually to you and then decide what you are to do. Further, if this is the person for you, there are ways to bring your partner's libido on a closer level to yours. That, however, is a story for another post. I dont thnk there is anything more to be said, well said my friend.
Author mattea Posted December 7, 2007 Author Posted December 7, 2007 i hear you guys, and i agree with you. it's not me contemplating leaving this relationship. it was my boyfriend who left ours because i didn't want to have sex every night. well, ostensibly that was the reason. i don't think he wants to go around sleeping with everything that moves. he says he wants a committed relationship in his life, that he loved me and fantasized about a future/marriage with me. yet he left the relationship over sex. and we were having frequent sex, but i just didn't want it every day. he seems to "require" daily sex in a relationship. so i'm just trying to make sense out of this. i'm coming to the conclusion that he didn't truly love me if he'd leave over that.
sumdude Posted December 7, 2007 Posted December 7, 2007 if you wanted to have sex every day, and your partner (who you loved) only wanted to a few times a week, would you leave the relationship? Not if the rest of relationship was good. Chances of .. Finding someone with exact the same drive as yours who is also compatible and great in every other way and expecting the sexual frequecy of the early part of a relationship to last forever ...are both long shots. A few times a week is pretty good by any standards. In life unless you're superhuman you'll spend less than 1% of the time wiith your partner having sex. It's important to have that and the chemistry. But the rest of the relationship is where you really live. Over time your bodies will change, sex will be different. You may suddenly find yourslef less interested than your partner. There are ebbs and flows to it.
Lauriebell82 Posted December 7, 2007 Posted December 7, 2007 i hear you guys, and i agree with you. it's not me contemplating leaving this relationship. it was my boyfriend who left ours because i didn't want to have sex every night. well, ostensibly that was the reason. i don't think he wants to go around sleeping with everything that moves. he says he wants a committed relationship in his life, that he loved me and fantasized about a future/marriage with me. yet he left the relationship over sex. and we were having frequent sex, but i just didn't want it every day. he seems to "require" daily sex in a relationship. so i'm just trying to make sense out of this. i'm coming to the conclusion that he didn't truly love me if he'd leave over that. Hmm, having sex every day in a committed relationship is sometimes too much to ask. He probably is going to have trouble finding someone who is guaranteed to give him sex everyday. Most women (that I know of) have other things going on and don't always want to have sex everyday. If he left the relationship over something like that, then he probably doesn't deserve you. To me, that's not a good reason to break up. Are you sure that there wasn't some other reason? I mean, I could see if you guys barely had sex, but I think he is asking a little too much there. What does he expect is going to happen when he gets married and has kids. Not many married couples are able to have sex everyday (with kids, and bieng tired, and other things to do). Like I said, it's his loss.
sumdude Posted December 7, 2007 Posted December 7, 2007 i hear you guys, and i agree with you. it's not me contemplating leaving this relationship. it was my boyfriend who left ours because i didn't want to have sex every night. well, ostensibly that was the reason. i don't think he wants to go around sleeping with everything that moves. he says he wants a committed relationship in his life, that he loved me and fantasized about a future/marriage with me. yet he left the relationship over sex. and we were having frequent sex, but i just didn't want it every day. he seems to "require" daily sex in a relationship. so i'm just trying to make sense out of this. i'm coming to the conclusion that he didn't truly love me if he'd leave over that. Immature. one day he'll look back and go ...damn...
pgam Posted December 7, 2007 Posted December 7, 2007 You don't need someone so insecure of himself and demanding of you. He's need to leave is probably fueled by his own insecurities. You're better off, IMO
Krytie TV Posted December 7, 2007 Posted December 7, 2007 if you wanted to have sex every day, and your partner (who you loved) only wanted to a few times a week, would you leave the relationship? *After reading the rest of the posts, here is my thoughts on his approach. I answered before reading further.* People will tell you it shouldn't matter, but I'm with you. I know the importance of sex in a relationship. However, I think your expectations are high. A couple times a week is great. If you have a problem with that, you ain't seen nothing yet. If I were you I would try to adjust my expectations. But given a much larger disparity, you would definitely be justified in ending it. These things don't usually improve with time.
Author mattea Posted December 8, 2007 Author Posted December 8, 2007 To me, that's not a good reason to break up. Are you sure that there wasn't some other reason? I mean, I could see if you guys barely had sex, but I think he is asking a little too much there. What does he expect is going to happen when he gets married and has kids. Not many married couples are able to have sex everyday (with kids, and bieng tired, and other things to do). Like I said, it's his loss. I'm pretty sure that's the reason. He was married for 8 years and had a child. He said his ex-wife had no interest in sex and I guess he has some great fear of having a sexless relationship again. He says he "likes to have sex every night" when he's in a relationship and is feeling selfish about that. He says he has a lot to give in a relationship and doesn't "stop giving when he is tired". Apparently, this means that he thinks his partner should have sex whether or not they are tired or don't want to or whatever. He does not tolerate well at all a day without sex. There were numerous repercussions for that.
Author mattea Posted December 8, 2007 Author Posted December 8, 2007 You don't need someone so insecure of himself and demanding of you. He's need to leave is probably fueled by his own insecurities. You're better off, IMO Uh huh. He is very insecure. He needs a lot of reassurance and my wanting him sexually day is just one of the reassurances he needs. If I don't he loses it. It wasn't happy for me trying to keep up with that demand and suffering the consequences when I didn't. In fact, it had a hugely negative effect on our intimacy and trust (for me) and therefore my desire to be sexual with him. Those reactions just created the situation he feared - a partner who was increasingly less interested in sex.
Author mattea Posted December 8, 2007 Author Posted December 8, 2007 *After reading the rest of the posts, here is my thoughts on his approach. I answered before reading further.* People will tell you it shouldn't matter, but I'm with you. I know the importance of sex in a relationship. However, I think your expectations are high. A couple times a week is great. If you have a problem with that, you ain't seen nothing yet. If I were you I would try to adjust my expectations. But given a much larger disparity, you would definitely be justified in ending it. These things don't usually improve with time. Yeah. I tried to tell him something along those lines. But he expected/wanted/needed daily sex so I guess maybe he'll find someone else who wants/needs the same until the day they stop breathing.
Author mattea Posted December 8, 2007 Author Posted December 8, 2007 Immature. one day he'll look back and go ...damn... thanks i wish it could have been something he understood in the present, but i guess i have no control over that!
Lizzie60 Posted December 8, 2007 Posted December 8, 2007 if you wanted to have sex every day, and your partner (who you loved) only wanted to a few times a week, would you leave the relationship? Let's say your partner would want you to go for a 1-hour walk with her (or it could be anything) every day and you wanted to go/do it only 3 times a week... would you expect her to leave you. I think you have to come up to some kind of compromise.
Author mattea Posted December 8, 2007 Author Posted December 8, 2007 Let's say your partner would want you to go for a 1-hour walk with her (or it could be anything) every day and you wanted to go/do it only 3 times a week... would you expect her to leave you. I think you have to come up to some kind of compromise. hah! yeah. i would have compromised. but he didn't *want* to go for a walk every day. he *needed* to go for a walk every day in order to maintain in the relationship.
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