crawfishmaniac1 Posted December 6, 2007 Posted December 6, 2007 ok. so my girlfriend broke up with me 4 days ago. (I know, 4 days, but I cant stop thinking about it). She broke up with me because I was taking her for granted and she just couldnt do it anymore. So, After she broke up with me I didnt contact her at all for 3 days, and then on the third day i called her and told her I had an interview where she lived and asked her if she wanted to talk. (I went to college with her and she graduated and lives an hour away from my school). So we went and talked and I poured my heart out to her. I have never felt so ashamed of myself, and such regret and she now knows that. She sat at her apt with me for about an hour and a half while i cried and told her how sorry i was. She still cares about me, i can tell, but i have hurt her so bad she is just so hurt and upset she doesnt want to be with me. While i was there i noticed she took all my pictures down, and wasnt wearing our promise ring anymore. From what i hear this is the first thing girls do after a break up, and she doesnt want to make things harder on herself, but it doesnt neccessarily mean she is trying to get over me?? im not sure. We dated for over 2 years, so i dont think anyone can just throw that away. Anyways, to the point of my question. I dont know if i should leave her alone, not communicate with her and make her come back to me, or if i should stay in contact and try and show her through my actions that ive changed. I dont want to play the cold shoulder, because she might take that as me moving on and then she might move on as well, but i also dont want her to think that im always going to be here and she can just come back whenever she wants, because then who knows how long she will drag it out. Im just at a loss for what to do with this. I want to be with this girl for the rest of my life, and I know she is the right one for me, i have known since the day i met her. But i have hurt her, and i know i have, so she is going to need time to get over that. ANYONE with similar experiences or any advice i would really appreciate it.
brokeninside Posted December 7, 2007 Posted December 7, 2007 Sorry to hear what you are going through. Prepare yourself for a painful journey that you will not forget for the rest of your life. You have two choices. 1-You are prepared to be humiliated emotionally and continually rejected. This will go on for as long as you want. Eventually you will realise yourself (after weeks, months) that you cannot take it anymore. Your health will take a hit in the process, and you will come to the point where you will believe you won't ever recover from the damage the process you put yourself through for a lost cause. 2-You man up. Today, tonight, you tell yourself you weren't half that bad as you think you might have been. Tomorow you hit the gym. You stand up straight and push your chest forward. You look at the sky and wonder what life will bring next. And you are prepared for it. Choice 2 will save you a lot of pain. More than you can imagine. Even thought you have never met me, seen me, you can trust me when I say this. No woman is worth this kind of pain. This you will learn if you mistakingly pick choice 1. Thats the one I picked around 9 months ago. I'm still picking up the pieces. Best wishes, and I feel your pain. It does get better. With time.
Elyssa Posted December 7, 2007 Posted December 7, 2007 Actually, this woman may very well be worth the pain to him. He says he wants to be with her for the rest of his life, if he's not willing to endure the pain it takes to get her back after having hurt her with his own actions, he doesn't deserve to be with her in the first place. Crawfish, give her time and space. Try to cheer up and do things for and by yourself and keep in touch with her. Don't pour out your feelings for her every time you speak and don't be a doormat by begging her to take you back constantly. Show her you've changed with your actions. Make her want to be with you for who you are now, not out of pity. It will take some time but if you are sincere in having changed or wanting to change for her, it is possible. Two years in a relationship are not forgotten so quickly. Best of luck. -E
superm0nkey Posted December 7, 2007 Posted December 7, 2007 Hey, probably not what you want to hear... but cut your loses and walk away. If a woman decides to break up with you over something like this she's been thinking it over for a long time and has made a well considered decision. I know it sucks man, but sometimes you just have to swallow your pride and accept the fact that it's over for keeps. And really, looking back, if you were taking her for granted how much did you really want her? A lot of times guys (myself included) only want girls once we can't have them. Don't regret the things you screwed up - just learn from your mistakes and make sure you don't repeat them in the future. Be strong!
anarky Posted December 7, 2007 Posted December 7, 2007 Hey, probably not what you want to hear... but cut your loses and walk away. If a woman decides to break up with you over something like this she's been thinking it over for a long time and has made a well considered decision. I know it sucks man, but sometimes you just have to swallow your pride and accept the fact that it's over for keeps. And really, looking back, if you were taking her for granted how much did you really want her? A lot of times guys (myself included) only want girls once we can't have them. Don't regret the things you screwed up - just learn from your mistakes and make sure you don't repeat them in the future. Be strong! agree on that one... i say give her space, for at least a few weeks to decide what she wants on her own... if she comes back on her own terms then you too will be far more healthier in the long run.
brokeninside Posted December 7, 2007 Posted December 7, 2007 Unless there was abuse in the relationship or cheating involved, hurting her is not the issue. Thats mostly an excuse that you hear when the woman walks away, to put the blame on you and make herself feel better. Like the person above me said when a woman walks away its mostly a decision they have been coming to for quite some time, and whilst doing so withdrawing themselves emotionally from the relationship. Women dont walk away on a dime. Men do. Cut your losses and walk.
Rowen Posted December 7, 2007 Posted December 7, 2007 For me... I got back from las vegas on september 1st and our relationship was the best it had ever been! Then two weeks later she dumps me. Go figure................ "thinking about it for a long time"
smudgesimonsmith Posted December 7, 2007 Posted December 7, 2007 dont give up just yet, women are a mad species and to get to them you got to use intelligence. she is not going to want a sobbing, crying mess. she wants someone who she fancies and is attracted too. you need to cut communication with her, even though you dont feel like it go out. the reasons for this are as follows, the easiest emotions to trigger in a women is lonliness and jealousy. me and my girl split 4 days ago too. first night and next day i was sobbing and crying to her, it done nothing, just pushed here further away. then i cut communication and on my facebook profile changed my status to single. as soon as i done that girls started adding me as a friend and chatting to me, i went out two nights running and posted all the pictures up. funnily enough my dad rings me, says she is upset and cant believe how i got over her and how i am talkin to women. she also left me a text asking about how was my night out with such and such. now instead of her seeing me as a cry baby, she is seeing me as a man again, who can attract ladies and fend for him self. she is jealous and is letting me know too. its still early on, but i feel more of a chance this way than when i was begging. if your girl doesnt respond to jealousy and is happy to let you go out and meet people then you are screwed my friend, but its the easiest way to find out, plus if she doesnt come back, you got rebound girls ready to sothe the pain!
Recommended Posts