H20girl Posted December 6, 2007 Posted December 6, 2007 It's been more than 6 mos. from me breaking up with my ex (I had to, relationship was stalled and he was getting distant but kept saying he didn't want to break up, etc etc). Two mos ago he got back together with a skank ho he was dating just before he met me. And it's absolutely killing me. Can't sleep, can't eat, can't focus at work. He is getting all the good karma breaks and I am getting nothing - feels liek there is an endless spiral of **** that I'm eating and I did everything I was supposed to. FYI - I am seeing TWO therapists and going broke over it. still have mostly bad days though i am managing to get to my office. probably going to get fired there soon too. how to break the cycle of bad karma i'm in? there is a young poster on here that's really broken - I have felt really broken for three months. i keep begging to be in a car accident - i dont' even wear a seat belt anymore. the hopeless feeling is too great - i'm treading water but it's getting over my head and i'm tired of doing it. really ****ty thing is when i punch my ticket i want to take his skank ho c-rag with me so he suffers as i've been. i hate feeling like this, i'm tired of it. two therapists for the last 8 weeks have done NOTHING. any advice from the peanut gallery other than just "GET OVER IT?"
starlite Posted December 6, 2007 Posted December 6, 2007 Well H2O...I am not EXACTLY where you are but it is similar. Let me fill ya in. I was with my ex 2.5 years, we broke up 2 months ago. Well, 3 weeks ago I found out he had cheated on me...and he is now sleeping with his best friend EX girlfriend. (They are no longer best friends.) I am pretty sure he cheated on me with her too, the night before we broke up. I was doing ok with the break up until I found all this out. If i think of them together (sexually or just hanging out) i get like a surge of adrenalin and I get so angry and frustrated! I even have intense dreams about kicking her butt. She was a friend of mine as well, because we all hung out together. Lately everytime these thoughts cross my mind all I can really do it tell myself to shut up...I tell myself that as angry as I get myself I am only hurting myself and it is not affecting them at all! Not one bit ( I am not really vengeful so I wouldnt really go after this girl...as much as i want too). So I do the above, try and talk myself down...as well as I have been focusing on me. I have been looking for a better paying job, getting back to the gym etc. It helps. It is his loss...now u can improve on yourself. Unfortunately there is nothing you can do about them being together. You can only better yourself. And I know how you feel. I would LOVE to rip her ugly hair out. That is the only advice I can give you. Focus on your work more...make some great changes for yourself. Eventually you will move on and find someone so much better than him!
Author H20girl Posted December 6, 2007 Author Posted December 6, 2007 I have been trying to move on for three months now and been getting nowhere. no job prospects, not motivated to do any of the things i loved to do in the past. i drive by my gym every day of the week, bag packed in my car - and just keep going. i have great friends but they only take you so far. as far as the breakup - i might be handling this better if the a-hole cheated on me. (been cheated on once before but after the initial BS and hurt it did go away). i was hurting but doing okay until he starting hooking up with his skanky c-rang. i mean really - i was okay until then. and i really shouldnt' be this way... it sux. if all i wanted to do was rip out the c-rang's rank hair that'd be okay. i drive over the skank with my car, then back up... many times. who thinks like this? it's really not worth waking up to this every goddamned day.
starlite Posted December 6, 2007 Posted December 6, 2007 Sometimes it takes some people longer than others to get over stuff..and him seeing someone else...of course it is a HUGE setback because now you know that he's doing ok (although ultimately will end and he will end up alone AGAIN) and you have to think of 'them'. As for work, the gym etc. Maybe you need to kick your own a*s into gear. Make yourself go. He's already caused you enough pain, dont let him control you like this! You are better than that. Me finding out my ex cheated made things worse for me. It turned 2.5 years into one big fat lie and all those memories of being in love are kind of a wash and that is really really hard for me to accept because i was so great to him! But now...in time...i will get to be great to someone else, someone more deserving. I'm SOOO not ready now though. How long were you two together? Did you live together?
Krytie TV Posted December 6, 2007 Posted December 6, 2007 No one needs a therapist just for breaking up with a boyfriend. Are they really necessary? I don't know where this "woe is me" attitude stems from, but I would say a psychiatrist would be more helpful if you are really as down as you say. As for Karma... hmm. Why is it so great for thim to be with a person in a relationship that has already ended once. If just simply being in a relationship is so great, why not go have a one night stand. Or grab the first man that walks by.
suffragette13 Posted December 6, 2007 Posted December 6, 2007 Have you thought about trying an antidepressant? Sounds to me like if you're starting to develop reckless tendencies then you may need to move to the next level of combatting your depression. I feel for ya. Another thing that helps fight depression (which is also internalized rage) is to utilize your fine motor skills. Sounds stupid, I know but if you draw or knit or something like that, it will really help you distract yourself. Also, you can use some simple tricks to get a handle on your obsessive thoughts. When I'm really spiralling down one thing I do to dispel those darkest thoughts is to murmur to myself over and over again, it's going to be ok, it's going to be ok and focus on that for 5-10 minutes, it fills up my mind and stops those burning tears. It's like a form of meditation but not, you know, cheesy. Now, this is purely my opinion, but I think that hatred you're turning on his new woman maybe the rage and anger you have toward yourself for creating this situation. If it was me, I would completely ignore her. There will always be some woman out there with designs on your man. She might suck, be fat, have bad breath, whatever but she doesn't matter. If you still love him then maybe you should write him a letter telling him that and that you support any decision he makes. Then leave it. Don't write call, nothing. If you take the high road he'll think you're this angelic creature and he'll come back around. My ex is never more attentive than when I am healthy and together. A***ole. Then it seems inevitable that he needs me or comes back around and all my knowledge and good intentions fly out the window-- but less so each time. I'm a slow learner but I'm getting there. Hope this helps.
Author H20girl Posted December 6, 2007 Author Posted December 6, 2007 now that's a different suggestion. never really knitted before, and the closest I got was trying to sew a stuffed animal for home ec class. I ended up hand stiching half my finger to it (but it was kinda neat). i was going to try to make small home movies from stuff friends have shot - on my laptop kind of thing - but my hard drive crashed the other night effectively stopping that idea before it got started. NO KARMA. and dont' tell me it's that "the secret" thing either, or fate or destiny or whatever. feels liek I did the right thing from the start and now i'm the one being punished and my ex and his yeasty skank are living it up. if you've done the right thing, should karma give you some goodness back? i've tried the "get back on your horse / kick your a**" thing in getting back to stuff i love. it's not fun anymroe and i really dont' see the point in it. most stuff i loved had to do with the outdoors. as for drugs, i've seen what they do to friends of mine that have taken them.no thanks- i think i'd rather be pissed and unfocused than be a zombie with no libido. i don't think i'm the type for a one night stand. i've had an opportunity here and there but it didn't feel right at the time. at least that was one thing going for me then. i hate the "woe is me" thing - that's not me. i was always the - get back on your horse - woman. now all i want to do is shoot the damned horse. seems nothing i've tried has worked in the slightest, hence two therapists. the only thing missing is a steady drug habit and i'm not interested in that (see unmotivated for anything sentence).
randuff Posted December 6, 2007 Posted December 6, 2007 if you've done the right thing, should karma give you some goodness back? Not if you expect it. I believe Karma will come back to you when you least expect. I you keep seeking for good things to happen they won't. You have to make it through everyday (I know it's hard, I have tons of trouble with it) and when you least expect it some great will happen to you. I bet my paycheck on it!! I know it's hard. My ex is now with the guy she cheated on me with and I can't stand it. Have become unfocused at times and lazy... I used to go to the gym 4 times a week minimum and now I haven't gone in months! I feel fat LOL I sound like a girl haha! Now that I think about it I am going to force myself back to the gym, it will at least keep my mind off her for 2 hours and I'll start looking good again for the sexy ladies 8-D
suffragette13 Posted December 6, 2007 Posted December 6, 2007 now that's a different suggestion. never really knitted before, and the closest I got was trying to sew a stuffed animal for home ec class. I ended up hand stiching half my finger to it (but it was kinda neat). i was going to try to make small home movies from stuff friends have shot - on my laptop kind of thing - but my hard drive crashed the other night effectively stopping that idea before it got started. NO KARMA. and dont' tell me it's that "the secret" thing either, or fate or destiny or whatever. feels liek I did the right thing from the start and now i'm the one being punished and my ex and his yeasty skank are living it up. if you've done the right thing, should karma give you some goodness back? i've tried the "get back on your horse / kick your a**" thing in getting back to stuff i love. it's not fun anymroe and i really dont' see the point in it. most stuff i loved had to do with the outdoors. as for drugs, i've seen what they do to friends of mine that have taken them.no thanks- i think i'd rather be pissed and unfocused than be a zombie with no libido. i don't think i'm the type for a one night stand. i've had an opportunity here and there but it didn't feel right at the time. at least that was one thing going for me then. i hate the "woe is me" thing - that's not me. i was always the - get back on your horse - woman. now all i want to do is shoot the damned horse. seems nothing i've tried has worked in the slightest, hence two therapists. the only thing missing is a steady drug habit and i'm not interested in that (see unmotivated for anything sentence). Ok, one thing I know for certain to be true is that there is absolutely no justice in this world. The best, most reponsible, decent people I know have lost three babies. I mean, they love kids and they would be the world's greatest parents. How is that fair? Things don't go that way. And things are relative. I mean, to me, my life sux balls right now. To Paris Hilton breaking a nail sux balls. To some peasant woman in Afganistan... you catch my drift? There are plenty of modern drugs that do not turn you into a sexless zombie. In fact, even some of the more widely used drugs tend to motivate people because they make them feel better. wellbutrin is rumored to be a mild aphrodisiac and is in the same class of drugs as ecstasy. I hope you can find a way to get back to yourself. Soul searching is the first bit and you're doing that. Good luck to you.
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