Magnatolia Posted December 6, 2007 Posted December 6, 2007 Hey all, I used to work with this girl who I happened to get to the office at the same time, we'd been introduced but worked in different departments. For 3-4 days we would stop and chat for about 10-15 mins. Then we ended up working in a different office about a week later. We chatted a bit not as much though and I mentioned that I'm keen to make friends in an email. She didn't reply but also didn't delete the email for about a week (all my other emails were deleted the same day). Anyway, we're working together this week and next. I had lunch with her, it went well. She's really chatty and told me a few things she wasn't comfortable with, etc. So do you think she would reconsider? It's been a few months since I asked.
polywog Posted December 6, 2007 Posted December 6, 2007 Well, I'm no fan of game-playing, but.... Don't appear Too Eager! Be cordial but not consumed by her, even if you are. It seems as if the ball is in her court right now, from what you've posted. Don't be waiting too hard for the ball to be tossed back into your court. You obviously like her, but just remember that you don't really know her yet, and that she might not be as great as you think she is. Stand back and give her the chance to make the next obvious move, and then see where it leads. Maintain your dignity and self. Don't expect much, even if you want it. You don't really know her yet. She may or may not be worthy. You'll figure that out, I think, soon enough.
Kamille Posted December 6, 2007 Posted December 6, 2007 Well she didn't flat out refuse or reject your offer to be a friend, so I don't think she has anything to reconsider. I might have missed something ( I promise to go look into your profile as soon as I am done writing this), but are you actively out seeking friends? If so, why? And how are you going about it? I ask because having moved to different cities, provinces and countries throughout my life, I have often found myself confronted to the challenge of making friends. Rule number one: don't ever take any of it personally. Rule number two: since you are the one looking for friends, the impetus is on you to set up and propose an activity. Your coworker most likely has an establish routine and an establish network of friends. As such it is likely not a reflex for her to think of inviting you out or including you. Yes, that means you're the one who is going to have to do the asking out. It's easy, pick an activity that you like and say you are going to do xyz and ask her if she'd like to join.
Kamille Posted December 6, 2007 Posted December 6, 2007 Ok so I read a few of your threads and I think your fist mistake is not being clear about what it is that you are looking for with the women you approach. I think you would like to date them, but are willing to settle for friendship. I for one believe that if you want to date them, your best bet is to avoid disguising the whole thing as friendship.
Author Magnatolia Posted December 8, 2007 Author Posted December 8, 2007 Thanks for the advice Kamille. Although I don't 'disguise' anything with friendship. Looks aren't a huge 'attraction' thing for me, sure a woman has to look attractive, but for me to actually want a relationship I need to get into a deeper level with her. Find out who she is/what she's about. I see any relationship as a river, sometimes I'll fall for someone who I've been friends with. But I don't see a girl and deliberately become friends as a stepping stone to a relationship. Yeah I worked out that I need to do all the work. I am able to arrange activities/events, and have done this a few times.
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