spookie Posted December 6, 2007 Posted December 6, 2007 Do you shed your skin and start over every couple of years? I WISH I still had friends from childhood. Or even high school, for that matter. But, like the Johnny Cash song, everyone I know, goes away, in the end. At this point my heart is so slashed up that I don't know where else someone could stab it. I had one friend that I had known since we were 6. We were best friends through high school, even through the first part of college. We knew everything about each other, always gossiped and chatted about our sex lives; and even though we were really different, she was incredibly fun to be around and we always had a blast. She was like a sister to me; but a terrible one because she was mean, selfish, crazy, and borderline abusive. With her, the rules were that she could be a selfish bitch and do things that made everyone uncomfortable, but you had to smile, adore her, and take it, to build up her self-esteem. In our third year of college, when she came to visit, I realized I had grown up to a point where I could not be in that kind of relationship. Within a couple of days we got into a fight, and I stood up for myself, for the first time in my life (with the help of my now-ex). Our fight threw her off-guard (in fact she dissolved into tears, and, from what I heard, din't stop crying for a week) and after a nasty back and forth, she stormed out, called a taxi, and caught a flight back home; and we stopped being friends. She even unfriended me on myspace:o. I miss her a lot sometimes. I don't have many friends from high school I keep in touch with, none that I have seen since graduation, and none that I'm close to (family moved out of hometown, so I've never had a reason to visit). In Texas for three years my ex was my best friend, but now he won't even return my phone calls. I know he was bad for me too, he made me mentally unhealthy, and I know there was nothing I did that could have made him dislike me enough to warrant cutting me out like this (so at least I don't feel guilty) (it was a simple issue of me being not good enough), but I loved him and it's hard to cope with the fact that I will probably never see him again. It hurts that I have literally no one from any part of my past I can talk to. Why is it like this for me? Is it normal? Is it cause I'm a bad person? I didn't think I was, but maybe the facts speak for themselves? Or is it the kinds of people I pick for friends that are the reason? Is it good that I have no unhealthy influences now, if I have none whatsoever? Is it just the disposable culture? The funny thing is, losing someone I love is my biggest fear, and no matter how many times it is realized it doesn't diminish.
polywog Posted December 6, 2007 Posted December 6, 2007 Wow, spooky... I relate! I also have Huge fears of losing people, and have also had similar experiences to you about friendships falling by the wayside or becoming cut off. I know this sucks, because of long term friends being part of our history (repositories of it, actually), etc. But I do think that it is a bit like the snake shedding its skin thing. They shed their skin because they grow out of it, after all. In my experience I've had "friends" that just could not handle that I grew, or I just could not relate to them after I grew and distance just naturally happened. It's made me very sad at times, and nostalgic, but it's just how it is. On the bright side, I've had childhood friends or college friends look me up over years (thank god for google) and have had some fantastic glorious reconnections with like-minded souls who I haven't heard from in years. When this happens I've regained unexpected bits of history, and also felt reassured that there are kindred spirits with lives that merge from time to time out in that big vast world.
Stockalone Posted December 6, 2007 Posted December 6, 2007 For me it's the exact opposite. My close friends are mostly guys I have known since kindergarten. I haven't made new friends in years, one close friend I met while serving in the army and another one while I attended university. I don't know if that makes any sense but I kind of feel like I am set in that department, I basically have a limit for how many people I can handle.
tomwiz Posted December 6, 2007 Posted December 6, 2007 I've been friends with the same group of guys for 15+ years. I have made new friends but in the end, they are still my go to guys
Author spookie Posted December 6, 2007 Author Posted December 6, 2007 I'm jealous of you guys. I always have close friends but I've been forced to change them every 2-3 years.
tanbark813 Posted December 6, 2007 Posted December 6, 2007 But, like the Johnny Cash song, everyone I know, goes away, in the end. You mean the Nine Inch Nails song. Cash just covered it. I only have one friend who I've known since childhood and am still close friends with. My core group of friends I've known for about 7 years or so and will like be friends with for a while longer. Then the next outer circle(s) of friends change every couple of years. I think having some friends who come and go every few years is probably the norm, at least for adults.
Leoni Posted December 6, 2007 Posted December 6, 2007 spook, friendships are the same as romantic relationships, in that they evolve over time. What I've found works is that you have to give and take a little, right from the start and try to keep it balanced over time. If you give too much, you'll be taken for granted. If you take too much, sooner or later the other person will get sick of it and walk. My close friends are mostly from highschool, although I've picked up a few close friends through university, work and socially. I greatly value my close friends, where I will do anything for them, with the reverse also holding true. Sometimes we have quick blow-outs which always get resolved the same day, where we either compromise or one gives. No one person is consistently rolling over. The balance are friends that I've met over time, who are fun to hang out with but I wouldn't fall on a knife for them.
Pedigree Posted December 6, 2007 Posted December 6, 2007 Do you shed your skin and start over every couple of years? That only applies to people who are not my close friends. Since graduating from high school last year, I've only regularly kept in contact with 4-5 close friends. Outside from that, I'd like to think that I haven't burned any bridges. It's just that there's no one walking across them.
polywog Posted December 6, 2007 Posted December 6, 2007 I'd like to think that I haven't burned any bridges. It's just that there's no one walking across them. Wow, pedigree... great quote! Kind of sums it all up, what this thread is about, as I see it. I think you should use it in your profile.
Pedigree Posted December 7, 2007 Posted December 7, 2007 It's a line's that been brewing for quite a while, actually since I've scarcely met anyone outside of my circle of close friends since I graduated from high school. And yeah, I'll take your suggestion.
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