panicprincess Posted December 6, 2007 Posted December 6, 2007 OK, I'm 30 and I'm still in the dating pool. I think I'm a fairly normal person and I just can't seem to find the right guy. Everyone around me thinks I'm too picky but I just don't want to get married, just to get married, only to end up divorced. I started to blog about it, please stay tuned. I def. need the advice. Thanks! Vanessa (aka Panic Princess) http://panicprincess.blogspot.com/
Leia Posted December 6, 2007 Posted December 6, 2007 I'm much younger than you are and I'm like you - I don't want to get married for fear of divorcing later on but you know what? I'm going to take my own sweet time in figuring out men and what I want from them. It doesn't matter to me if it will take me 5 or 10 years to get there... it's better than just settling down and later on, find the marriage not as what I picture it to be... then the divorce paper comes out... eerghh.... too much for me. So just enjoy your single life! It's alright to be picky... nothing wrong with that.
thewholeshabangg Posted December 6, 2007 Posted December 6, 2007 i commend you for not settling. there is nothing worse. i would suggest however, you are giving any guy you date a fair chance. and you may as well could be, but just something to keep in mind, for all those saying you're 'too picky' good luck to you, a lot of us are in your boat, so keep us all posted on updates
CD111 Posted December 6, 2007 Posted December 6, 2007 I can totally relate, I am 27 and the thought of marriage puts a lump in my stomach. Same as you, I really don't want to marry some guy to find out 2 yrs down the road things just won't work out. I would much rather be single. However, I am beginning to feel like the longer I wait the harder it is going to be to find the right guy. Not that there aren't plenty of them out there. It's just that once people get settled into their own lives alone, a career, house and whatever else, the harder it is to get into a relationship and begin compromising on those things. It's like a catch 22, on one hand being single is great and my opportunities I have currently seem endless. However, it is starting to seem like if I continue to take steps to further my education (for example) I will also further limit my opportunity to find a great guy. Not that it's impossible, a person just has to be much more picky and that's ok. In the end it should all be worth while. Plus look at all the fun you have had because you are still single. I know I have had tons.
Leoni Posted December 6, 2007 Posted December 6, 2007 I didn't read your blog but do yourself a favour and don't settle. I'm older than you and going through a second round in the dating pool. While it can be fun at times, you need to be in the right headspace for it. When you're not, take some time off for yourself. Kick back and just enjoy hanging out with your friends.
Kamille Posted December 6, 2007 Posted December 6, 2007 Don't settle! But I think we need to figure out a way where you can approach dating differently, so that you at least meet someone you're really into. I think number one thing: recognize that dating is all about casualties. I don't think you did anything wrong by getting to know someone and then deciding it wasn't going to work out. You shouldn't have to feel guilty or abnormal about that. That's what dating is. Second: don't jump in too fast. From your blog and this here it sounds like you might feel like you don't have control over the dating process. I wonder if when you date guys it quickly becomes a semi-relationship? You still haven't made up your mind whether or not you like them, yet here they are, calling you everyday and you feel like you have to pick up the phone because, after all, you're dating them? If that is what happens, that needs to change. You need to present dating as a 'getting-to-know you period'. Limit the amount of times you see them in a week (by keeping busy otherwise with friends, family, hobbies or even just taking time for yourself). Third: promise yourself you will not settle but stop panicking about it. You don't know what life has in store for you or what is just around the next bend. Whatever it is, I'm sure there are plenty of things in your life right now that make you happy. Focus on those, on your life right now and how good it is. I know that helped me realize I was in no rush to meet anyone. I wanted someone who could enrich my life, and that is exactly who I recently ended up meeting after three years of casual - roller-coster ride- dating. (I'm 31 BTW).
Just Friends Posted December 11, 2007 Posted December 11, 2007 Well, from reading your blogs, it seems like you definitely have some commitment issues. Good relationships usually do start off with that spark that you're talking about but after awhile that spark that you get at the beginning of a relationship, needs to be stoked every once in awhile. I'm guessing you have dated other guys that treated you exactly how you wanted to be treated and were most of what you were looking for but stop dating them only because your spark was missing. That's when you need to talk to them to see how to make it better. If you don't let your partner know how you feel...things are always going to turn sour. That's more important than anything if you want any relationship to last. When you start dating someone, maybe you should be more clear on what your initial expectations are so there isn't any confusion. There are lots of great guys out there...and like I said, I'm sure you have known plenty but failed to tell them what YOU wanted so instead of talking with them, things annoyed you to the point where you ended it. It's going to be a vicious cycle unless you communicate. You'll meet other great guys, just look for the qualities that would make it last, not just for the superficial things. As for online dating, it's a crap shoot just like anything else. I've dated online and met some great women but I have to say, I personally like meeting them in person through friends. That way you already have an idea of what they're like and if you would mix well with them. I've talked to other girls who have tried online dating and they have told me that it can be hell. I think it's different for guys and girls to date online though. Relationships are hard enough to begin with. No matter who you date, there are always going to be hard times and good times...it's how you handle the bad times that will make the relationship last. If you find the right one, he will be there for you no matter what. Then again, maybe you just need to be single for awhile and let it find you instead of searching for it. Sometimes it finds us when we least expect it. Just my thoughts. What works for me might not work for you.
D-Lish Posted December 11, 2007 Posted December 11, 2007 I find that the older we get, the more complicated dating becomes. I am divorced, and in my 30's back on the dating scene...and have been for 5 years. I too have the feeling that I don't want to settle. Settling doesn't make sense at this stage of the game.... that doesn't make you picky- it makes you smart and logical. I have tried online dating- met men at parties, through friends, at pubs.... but there doesn't seem to be one avenue of meeting someone that is superior to another. Even 5 years after leaving my ex husband... I have residual issues that linger and interefere with me wanting to get close to anyone. I have purposely spent the last 5 years dating the "wrong" guys to avoid getting hurt. So- I hear you when you say you don't want to settle or just get married for the sake of getting married. What I do believe is that when YOU are truly ready and open to meeting the right person- you'll attract the right kind of men. I am clearly still not ready- geez, my latest is 12 years younger than me... and I date him because I know I will never take him seriously. haha- you think you have issues!! The world is way to humungous to believe that a good match isn't out there somewhere for all of us. ;-)
Green Posted December 11, 2007 Posted December 11, 2007 A bunch of women thinking about the dating game so funny hahahah
desertguy Posted December 11, 2007 Posted December 11, 2007 A bunch of women thinking about the dating game so funny hahahah Like an old SATC rerun, but I digress... Men feel alot of the same things, but maybe not EXACTLY the same things, but we're all human too. I agree about not settling for someone. I'd rather be single and lonely than attached and miserable, but that's just me...
D-Lish Posted December 11, 2007 Posted December 11, 2007 a lot of people do the whole attached and miserable thing DG.... It's sad and too bad.
lbj123 Posted December 11, 2007 Posted December 11, 2007 You're blog looks like its off to a good start! I learned the hard way just how much settling sucks. I married a man who has a lot of great qualities; intelligent, funny, caring, giving, wonderful family, and many other great qualities. But I was not sexually attracted to him. I lied to myself and pretended to be ok with it, but everything I kept inside finally reached a breaking point, I exploded with unhappiness, and we ended our marriage. Now I'm single and have made a promise to myself that I will not settle, but sometimes I'm scared that I'm looking for something unrealistic. Is there some form of settling in every relationship? Things you wished were different about your SO?
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