In need of friendly voices

[Trialbyfire]

Well that sucks about your job carrot. Your boss took the easy out and passed the buck. Not unusual. As they say, shyte falls down the line. Jerk.

 

Take care of carrot. You deserve some TLC. ((hugs))

[Crestfallen_KH]

I'm sorry, carrot.

 

This year sucks. Hopefully you can get some sleep.

[carrotgirl]

I made some gelato because I really wanted gelato and I didn't have anything better to do. Then I slept about 2 hours. It felt good to wake up and realize I'd slept some. My head is still pounding. I had some soup. That was good.

 

I'm kind of on auto pilot with my head up my a$$ here. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm detached and I can't say if that's right or wrong. I guess I have a new understanding of GD. If nothing else, at least he'll understand my detachment. I'm not concerned about him.

 

I have a whole new day of nothing again.

[carrotgirl]

Today life and any effort tp accomplish something with mine seem rather pointless. I'm sorry for kissing GD off yesterday. But only because it's going to be a lonely, lonely time of things. Talk about feeling lost. What am I supposed to do with myself? Even volunteer organizations aren't interested since they're overloaded with do-gooders during the holiday season.

 

I'm going back to bed. I'll clean some more later. I literally have nothing else to do.

 

Carrot

[sao2]

Aww Carrot, I am so sorry to hear about your recent turn of events.

[carrotgirl]

There is no coming back from this. The only thing I can do is go back to school and learn a new trade. Oh god. That will take years. And money. And now I have no job.

 

I worked so hard for so long and it was all for nothing. I managed to make no meaningful life for myself in all this time. What's left? No income. No career. No family. No youth. Soon I'll have no home of my own. And the only person I have to blame is myself. I chose poorly.

[melodymatters]

Hang in there Carrott !!! I know how you feel, I also feel like I chose "poorly" with men and careers and now at 40, I'm looking to start all over again on both counts.

 

I KNOW IT SUCKS !!!

 

But you can't give up. You have too much inside you that is worthwhile. So since checking out isn't an option, you will have to be stronger than ever, get through one day at a time, until one day you see a little light at the end of the tunnel.

 

I know it seems hopeless now, so just eat gelato, sleep, do whatever makes you feel at least ok. revel in your misery, until you get so bored of that, you finally have the energy to do something else.

 

These are not hollow words, this is exactly what i've been doing for the past year !!!!

[carrotgirl]

One of my best school chums used to say "Talk about shiit and it hits you in the face." I loved his ribald humor.

 

Well, some just hit me in the face.

 

As I hit the "Submit Reply" button on my previous post my mobile rang. I saw it was my (gulp) former boss and CTO. I was about to send him to voice mail and then changed my mind and took the call.

 

It was him and the CEO on the line together. Okay. That was a surprise. Then they asked me to please come back. They said this outcome doesn't work for anybody and they think the best thing for the business is for me to be there.

 

I didn't see that one coming.

 

Don't know what I should feel or think. Other than maybe relief that I won't be spending the rest of the day thinking of ways to spend the rest of the days. I don't know if I should feel flattered or other? I wonder why the reversal.

 

Carrot

[carrotgirl]

I know it seems hopeless now, so just eat gelato, sleep, do whatever makes you feel at least ok. revel in your misery, until you get so bored of that, you finally have the energy to do something else.

 

These are not hollow words, this is exactly what i've been doing for the past year !!!!

Thanks so much Mel. It means a lot to hear it. You are a brave as well as generous. I'm in a heap after just a couple of days. Thanks for your kind support. Yah. I had gelato for breakfast this morning with a plate of spaghetti chaser.

 

Everything else is just a big blank.

[melodymatters]

One of my best school chums used to say "Talk about shiit and it hits you in the face." I loved his ribald humor.

 

Well, some just hit me in the face.

 

As I hit the "Submit Reply" button on my previous post my mobile rang. I saw it was my (gulp) former boss and CTO. I was about to send him to voice mail and then changed my mind and took the call.

 

It was him and the CEO on the line together. Okay. That was a surprise. Then they asked me to please come back. They said this outcome doesn't work for anybody and they think the best thing for the business is for me to be there.

 

I didn't see that one coming.

 

Don't know what I should feel or think. Other than maybe relief that I won't be spending the rest of the day thinking of ways to spend the rest of the days. I don't know if I should feel flattered or other? I wonder why the reversal.

 

Carrot

 

 

And there you go ! You only had to wallow for a day or two ! Be flattered : you are obviously irreplaceable !!

[Trialbyfire]

Okay, carrot. I hope you told them you would think about it. Here's where you can negotiate what you want from them. It sounds like all hell broke loose and they're now experiencing life without carrot.

 

Be careful carrot. If you accept, it might only be to stabilize business, slowly have different people learn your tasks from you, then let you go again.

[carrotgirl]

Gosh Tri it's good to hear you say that. Takes one to know one? I can't help but be shrewd. It's just not in my nature when it comes to business anyway. Regarding learning my tasks, in that I'm not so worried. It would take many years of education. I didn't go to "Evil" university all those years just to be called "Mister"......

 

It's not that I'm not ungrateful, unforgiving, un whatever. But just like the come here then go away then come here of the ex.... If I'm given a choice, I'm not going to say, Oh sure. I'd like to stay ignorant. Obviously their turn about isn't purely altruistic.

 

Perhaps I'm fantasizing but I do wonder if someone, someone like, say, GD said something? As I said, It was already decided. I was already out.

We're meeting later. They already pushed for a "reconciliation" starting immediately.

 

Where I worry for me is truly where I'm ignorant. What am I missing here? What was I missing before? How can I not make this mistake again?

 

The symmetry with the love life relationship wasn't lost on me either. I'm far to involved with the work emotionally. I knew I took too much of my identity from the work I do. I'll need to change that definitely. I did mention wanting to bring more balance to the position. I'm not signing on to keep at this same pace again.

 

Also on my list is to address the gender bias taking place. So there aren't many women in the field. Big deal. It's always been shocking to me that a real patriarchy is promoted instead of trying to bring on any other qualified women.

 

I'm still not really in the mood to talk. Damn! I'm really glad you're thinking this way too Tri. Very glad.

[carrotgirl]

Even though I was obnoxious in cutting off GD, everyone who has been reading, helping, arguing and so on should know something very nice about GD.

 

I found out that his very poisonous pal had started on one of his Carrot is a waste of human existence rants while out one night last week. And guess what happened? GD and another friend told him just where he was mistaken and put that venomous snake in his place.

 

There is even more value, at least, to me. The person who related all of this to me was GD. He just tossed it out as a by the way, you were staunchly defended to P_____ the other night. When I said, Oh, he told the whole story.

 

That is not his usual MO. GD doesn't like to talk about those sorts of things. He would be more likely to speak up and later lie and say he hadn't spoken on behalf of someone else, even me, if asked. Though in this case, I didn't know to ask in the first place. So it meant something to him that he shut the guy up and it meant enough that he wanted to tell me about it afterward.

 

I was about to write something pejorative about how this wasn't a grand gesture and it probably didn't matter for much and then I stopped. GD really showed his loyalty. It matters for a lot. He could have remained silent (something he knows I despise since silence so often signifies compliance) and he didn't. He didn't equivocate either.

 

Isn't that a nice thing to know and not wonder about?

[carrotgirl]

Thankfully, dinner was brief. They came as close to apologizing as I'm likely to hear. For your reading pleasure, I have a Letterman styled top ten list of the funniest things said to me,

 

10. We expected you to cancel tonight saying your cat has separation anxiety.

9. You look rested.

8. If you were sugary sweet you'd be scary.

7. We don't want you to work more than 55 hours a week.

6. We moved you to the large corner office.

5. We'd like you to have time for a social life and maybe to settle down.

4. We're allowed to give you a hard time but no one else is.

3. We think you should only be available by cell phone during off hours.

2. Carrot, nobody thinks of you as a woman

1. So you're coming in tomorrow right?

[carrotgirl]

For the record, I now have 1 and 1/2 days of 100% NC in my NC calendar.

 

Carrot

[carrotgirl]

How many days does it take a Giant Douche to break NC? How long does it take for Carrot to break NC at the same time? Let's see.... 1.... 1 and a 1/2..... 1 and 3/4.

 

1 and 3/4. Ring Ring. Yah? Hey Carrot let's go to the movies.... Okay, says Carrot.

 

What a bizarre few weeks this has been. I just want to sleep and sleep and wake up next year.

[serendip]

How many days does it take a Giant Douche to break NC? How long does it take for Carrot to break NC at the same time? Let's see.... 1.... 1 and a 1/2..... 1 and 3/4.

 

1 and 3/4. Ring Ring. Yah? Hey Carrot let's go to the movies.... Okay, says Carrot.

 

What a bizarre few weeks this has been. I just want to sleep and sleep and wake up next year.

 

 

If this is affecting you in a negative way....why would you continue to go out with him?

[carrotgirl]

It's a good question and one I ask myself whenever anything bothers me about anything. I don't want to be where I'm not wanted and I don't want to be with anyone affects me negatively.

 

The bulk of the upset during the past couple of weeks has about 1% to do with GD, 4% to do with me being snotty because of GD's 1% and 95% to do with work crappies that are beyond my control.

 

I've been so up and down lately I just want peace and quiet and solitude. In fairness to GD, his benign contribution to my upset is by far outweighed by his contributions to my happiness.

 

It's not every man who rewards a crying, complaining, angst ridden, short tempered woman with a homemade dinner. No, he didn't buy me off with a dinner tonight but every bite of that delicious meal made me feel loved and nourished.

 

I was about to ask when does it ever get easier? When does it get easier to hold my temper in check? When does it get easier to right wrongs quickly and painlessly? But I realize I can answer that question already.

 

It has gotten easier. We're talking through problems instead of letting them fester. We both are. More and more the talking through takes only a few minutes. Sometimes less. We're sharing more.

 

My frustration is almost always for the few minutes here and there where one or both of us are having that toddler type tantrum. I've got to find a better way to deal with that drama internally.

[Trialbyfire]

carrot, here's my daily hit and run. Kind of like a Dilbert cartoon.

 

Should relationships always be about walking on eggshells, not getting what you want or need from them? Or should they be something that you relax, enjoy and bloom in?

[carrotgirl]

Should relationships always be about walking on eggshells, not getting what you want or need from them? Or should they be something that you relax, enjoy and bloom in?

Yah. I'm obviously not communicating well here. What I'm saying is that I'm doing the opposite of walking on eggshells or internalizing. And it's hard. It's not my natural way to fight and argue. We're not doing it much but as much as we're doing it, takes effort from me. Seemingly more effort than not arguing, discussing, fighting but in the end, it always winds up that it takes less effort to let it all hang out. Yah. It's not relaxing all the time but what is?

 

He talked about us becoming a family again this morning. I think that's kind of a bloom.

 

Carrot

[AriaIncognito]

Carrot,

 

Sorry I've missed your updates on this thread. It seems you've had a rough couple of days, and I'm sorry for that.

 

I'd go with TBF on this one (heck most of the time I seem to). It's great that they realized the err of their ways, but watch out for potential ulterior motives. Seems all of a sudden they not only want you, but want to make your life better/easier. What do they have to gain from this? Employers, sadly enough, don't usually have their employees best interest in mind. They usually think of their own gain. At least that's how it seems to be here in the states.

 

As far as GD. I've cautioned you all along and you know my stance on him. I totally understand the yo-yo relationship. I lived it for 18 months. It truly sucks to emotionally be thrown around like that. I can attest to that. My life, while a bit less exciting right now, is no longer a roller coaster of emotions, and I realized that I am ever better able to deal with things now that I've distanced myself from the ex. When the band fired me (without notice or justification), I grieved for a day, and moved on. I'd never do that if I were still on the roller coaster.

 

I hope everything turns out alright for you. Maybe it would be good to keep your options open, job wise, in case this turns out to be too good to be true???

[Trialbyfire]

I'd like to coin a phrase in your thread, if you don't mind, carrot. It's Waffleboy.

 

Definition:

 

Waffleboy - One day they're on, next day they're off, sometimes for weeks on end, then they waffle back.

 

Guys like this are uncertain where they stand, even within themselves. There's a reason why they have those imprinted dents in them. It's scars they bear from assorted exes, who've had enough of their crap.

 

In all seriousness, I agree with Ariawoman. Be careful and play it cool. He's just as likely to waffle back.

[AriaIncognito]

 

Definition:

 

Waffleboy - One day they're on, next day they're off, sometimes for weeks on end, then they waffle back.

 

 

Damn, i didn't know I previously dated a superhero! Waffleman describes him to a tee. (t?)

 

Either way, waffles are great to eat (TBF your avatar makes me wanna run out to IHOP) but not great to date. After a few minutes they are cold and sticky from the syrup. :lmao:

[Trialbyfire]

Damn, i didn't know I previously dated a superhero! Waffleman describes him to a tee. (t?)

 

Either way, waffles are great to eat (TBF your avatar makes me wanna run out to IHOP) but not great to date. After a few minutes they are cold and sticky from the syrup. :lmao:

Note the other items in the pic. Sometimes they make up for the stickiness...

[carrotgirl]

Waffleboy. Love it. GD is hereby demoted to WB.