Confused in KY Posted December 5, 2007 Posted December 5, 2007 Well first hello to everyone... But let me start... I am a 23 year old married man (well I hope I continue to be). My wife recently told me that " she is not sure she is in love with me anymore ". I am thinking that this is because of my behavior in the past. I struggle with depression and I have not been wiling to get the help I needed. My wife has asked and demanded that I get help but I always seemed to blow her off. The last time we had a big fight was about 3 months ago and she left for a few days. It was honestly my fault. I kinda let myself go and I have been ignoring her for a while. She came home on the condition that I get help. I didn't. But for the past two months everything has been going great. I thought I was changing and we have been communicating. Well my wife starts a job about three weeks ago and things start changing between us. She became distant from me. She blamed this on her job...which is very stressfull. Then she tells me a couple days ago that she loved the person I was but she doesn't love this new me. She says we need to seperate. Her position on marriage counceling is up in the air. She says she's not cold...she's just over it. The other day she said that " I have cried so much that I can't cry now" I understand her position...honestly I have been a jerk to her...I havent treated her like I wanted her. I am starting therapy on friday. She is gradually letting that big cold wall around her heart down and told me she doesn't think that this will survive but she will go to MC. She said that there isn't anyone else in the picture...I believe her because she said " Why would I care enough to lie to you if I am leaving you" I really messed this up and I want my wife back... Can someone help me?
reboot Posted December 5, 2007 Posted December 5, 2007 My wife recently told me that " she is not sure she is in love with me anymore "Sorry, I know you don't want to hear this, and may not believe it, but 99% of the time those words mean there's someone else.
Author Confused in KY Posted December 5, 2007 Author Posted December 5, 2007 Sorry, I know you don't want to hear this, and may not believe it, but 99% of the time those words mean there's someone else. Maybe I'm in denial..but I believe her and she said " I am not sure I am in love with this new person" I really have changed(for the worse)....she says she wants the person I used to be
sedgwick Posted December 6, 2007 Posted December 6, 2007 For the record, I broke up with someone because I wasn't in love with him anymore, but there was no one else. Sometimes there really isn't.
Crestfallen_KH Posted December 6, 2007 Posted December 6, 2007 Maybe I'm in denial..but I believe her and she said " I am not sure I am in love with this new person" I really have changed(for the worse)....she says she wants the person I used to be There is definitely someone else. I was in this exact same situation. Has she also said "Y'know, I think I just want to be single..." Trust me, she has feelings for this new person.
redblack66 Posted December 6, 2007 Posted December 6, 2007 There is definitely someone else. I was in this exact same situation. Has she also said "Y'know, I think I just want to be single..." Trust me, she has feelings for this new person. From my own experience: assume that there is another person and try not to be in denial. Your description seems to follow in a pattern where OM is involved.
base618 Posted December 6, 2007 Posted December 6, 2007 Well first hello to everyone... She said that there isn't anyone else in the picture...I believe her because she said " Why would I care enough to lie to you if I am leaving you" I caught my wife talking to another man inapproiately 3 times, and each time she promised to stop. Finally I had no way to catch her (she changed methods every time, and ran out of ways for me to check). Since I had no way to know (she worked with him and could talk to him all day long) I begged her everyday that if she was still talking to him just tell me and we'll end it. It was horrible in the house, yet she still denied having feelings for him, said he was a 'fantasy' but would never happen. She had planned a long weekend away a while ago to collect her thoughts and just be alone to think about everything (difficulty having a child). So when she left, I checked her closet... and lingerie was missing. I called her and she admitted that he was there and she was sleeping with him. This was last week, it is still a fresh wound, but I know what you are going through. There is someone at this new job. It is over. I hung in there for 2 months trying to make it work, the whole time she was focusing on him. It hurts. I wish I had taken the advice of those on this forum in the beginning and ended it. I realize you probably can't for the same reasons I did, but I can tell you that it's over. I am sorry.
cj1988 Posted December 6, 2007 Posted December 6, 2007 I agree, sounds like there is someone else. I am sorry.....it is not your fault either if it is true. This is about her and only her, so do not beat yourself up. Follow her, check the phone reccords....you will be surprised to find that she is telling the truth or surprised she is not. I hope she is not !
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