MissD126 Posted December 5, 2007 Posted December 5, 2007 My husband and I got married young, at 18, and we have been married for 6 1/2 years and together for 8. We have been through sooooo much crap streaming from cheating, baby mama drama and jail. He had a son with another girl while we were married and I was also pregnant with our daughter. I accepted that situation because I was a fool but more importantly she didn't know who the father was. That is way in the past and life is good. We raise our children together and he stopped cheating and going to jail. but just recently I found out he has yet another child by someone else. there was a girl he had cheated with a few times while we were seperated, well we lived apart but were still together, and they were together just before he went away to prison. Apparently she never told him she was pregnant and over a year later we get a letter in the mail stating that he needs to provide medical insurance for this child. She didn't bother telling him ever...she didn't want to. I wanted to leave him, but I have no where to go. So he has seen him a couple times and even went behind my back to introduce him to his family. I was pissed off and hurt. My husband is a very loving guy and would do anything to make me happy so he doesn't see his son on a regular basis. It's more like every 3 weeks if that and only for a day or less. But I just can't take it, I feel like I will explode. I'm so hurt and I told him I don't know if it'll work. I don't want the child to come around and I don't want him to speak of him. He respects my wishes and does so. I just can't believe that his family is all okay with it and acts like nothing ever happend. they want to see him and bring him places...especially my mother-in-law. I have a problem with her, but that's another story. The sitution is different with this child than my step son. We were actually living a happy life , FINALLY! I can't live likie this forever...there's no way I can make my husband not see his child for the rest of our lives. I just think it's time for me to go and don't know what to do. We are happy and have a great time together but inside I feel like crap. What should I do?
sb129 Posted December 5, 2007 Posted December 5, 2007 MissD are you really happy? You say you are, but you don't sound it. You say your H would do anything to make you happy, but do you truly believe it after he has repeatedly cheated on you, gotten other women pregnant MORE than once, and been to jail? You seem ready to forgive him for anything, do you really think he deserves so much love and forgiveness? Would he forgive you if you had gotten pregnant to someone else while he was in jail? I am not judging your H for having a criminal record, but I do think its very selfish and irresponsible to commit crimes when you have a wife and young children, knowing that you could get caught, convicted and sent down, and that will make life very hard for the people you leave on the outside. Your H is a lucky man that you have put up with this much. I certainly wouldn't have stayed as long as you have. He needs to grow up and stop putting so many selfish demands on you- demands that are a result of his selfish and immature behaviour. I am not telling you what to do- but you do deserve someone who respects you, loves you, honours you, and is faithful to you. You are young still, and that someone is out there for you.
Mr. Lucky Posted December 6, 2007 Posted December 6, 2007 I don't want the child to come around and I don't want him to speak of him. He respects my wishes and does so. I just can't believe that his family is all okay with it and acts like nothing ever happend. they want to see him and bring him places...especially my mother-in-law. I have a problem with her, but that's another story. So you're mad at......................this newborn child??? He should not have a father (or an extended family) so you can pretend that your husband is something he obviously isn't? I understand that you also are a victim here but your anger and displeasure are definitely misplaced. Regardless of what you think or want, your H is the boy's father and your MIL is his grandmother. Either accept it as part of your life or move on. Most people would have kicked your spouse to the curb long ago... Mr. Lucky
michaelk Posted December 6, 2007 Posted December 6, 2007 I agree with Mr. Lucky. I found myself feeling sorry for the baby as I read your post. He didn't ask to be brought into such a screwed up situation, and he deserves to have his father and grandparents in his life as much as possible. You have forgiven your H for repeated cheating and committing crimes, but you can't forgive his new son for being born? Redirect your hurt and anger toward your husband, where it belongs. Then decide what you want to do. But if you choose to stay with him, expect the new child to be part of the package.
sb129 Posted December 6, 2007 Posted December 6, 2007 I feel sorry for all the children this man has fathered. Michael and Mr Lucky are right- you can't blame the children. Get mad at your H. The children are the byproducts of your Hs selfish actions, and they won't go away.
NotAllThere Posted December 7, 2007 Posted December 7, 2007 this is just my Opinion-While Mr. Lucky is rather abrupt in his deliverance of opinion, i definitely agree that the child or children here are not the responsible ones. They need love and support from as many people willing to give it. You are not wrong to feel as you do-but you would be wrong not to get over it and see the reason for your anger-Your H. You have children so I doubt you really are angry at the child but rather how the child came about. So that thought path leads you back to H and unknown Mother of baby. You also definitely cannot ask H to disregard his responsibility both physically and financially to this child. I would think that some serious counselling is in order for you both but if the trust is too far gone or even non-existant (IMHO-i would not trust him around a corner)-then you need to move on and stand in line with all the other mothers of his children...it is unfortunate but you can make a better life for yourself and your children than what he is and has given you so far. That has nothing to do with Jail time it has to do with respect you as a woman, his wife and mother of his child and as a Human being...
get.mos Posted December 8, 2007 Posted December 8, 2007 dahling, is your self esteem so in the gutter that you feel you don't deserve any better? kudos to you for being there for him when he is at his lowest, but does he reciprocate? is he there for you when you are down? deep rooted sadness will rear its ugly head sooner or later. identifying and acknowledging your sadness is the first step towards getting rid of it. and don't forget: you have a child who is observing this behavior. do you want your child to think that a relationship in which you're being treated like a door mat is a healthy one?
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