Phateless Posted December 5, 2007 Posted December 5, 2007 Sometimes when I wake up with a hangover I also find an epiphane neatly packaged in there with it. Today it was that I really would rather be friends first. Just thought I'd share. So what do you guys think? Funny thing is that when I'm drunk I find myself wanting to take someone home that night... but in a way I'm scared... or just not comfortable with the person yet... or something. I dunno.
oppath Posted December 5, 2007 Posted December 5, 2007 That's natural. Sex is so intimate -- it actually is for every guy -- it's just that we sometimes can't handle the intimacy it brings when we aren't there yet emotionally with a woman. You simply want the level of intimacy that goes with your "friendship" to be equal to that brought on by sex. This doesn't mean love, it just means that you genuinely enjoy being with the woman and that the entire interaction, not just the sex, brings you pleasure.
Star Gazer Posted December 5, 2007 Posted December 5, 2007 P, you're seriously still a stereotypical frat-college guy, aren't ya?
Author Phateless Posted December 5, 2007 Author Posted December 5, 2007 P, you're seriously still a stereotypical frat-college guy, aren't ya? lol on the surface it may seem that way, but you get to know me and i'm not even close!
Moose Posted December 5, 2007 Posted December 5, 2007 P, you're seriously still a stereotypical frat-college guy, aren't ya? Nah...otherwise, he'd know how to spell ephinany..... But friends first does make sense.....
Author Phateless Posted December 5, 2007 Author Posted December 5, 2007 Nah...otherwise, he'd know how to spell ephinany..... But friends first does make sense..... Hey now big guy... I'm sure I could quote you having problems with the differences between your/you're, there/their, hear/here, then/than, etc... Anyway yeah... it's weird on the one hand I sometimes want to jump right into bed, but on the other hand I feel like I want to hold off until I'm comfortable. Weird...
Star Gazer Posted December 5, 2007 Posted December 5, 2007 lol on the surface it may seem that way, but you get to know me and i'm not even close! Well then, prove me wrong! But yeah, there's nothing "weird" about wanting to actually get to know someone before swapping body fluids.
oppath Posted December 5, 2007 Posted December 5, 2007 Well then, prove me wrong! But yeah, there's nothing "weird" about wanting to actually get to know someone before swapping body fluids. Not at all. This notion that men can separate sex from emotion is false. We can maybe separate it moreso than women in a general sense, but most men want to genuinely know the girl and feel some kind of connection with her aside from the sex. It still releases bonding chemicals like dopamine in our brains too...just not quite as much.
Author Phateless Posted December 6, 2007 Author Posted December 6, 2007 Well then, prove me wrong! But yeah, there's nothing "weird" about wanting to actually get to know someone before swapping body fluids. Read my posts and all will be proven.
Leia Posted December 6, 2007 Posted December 6, 2007 Nah...otherwise, he'd know how to spell ephinany..... But friends first does make sense..... It's actually epiphany
Leia Posted December 6, 2007 Posted December 6, 2007 Not at all. This notion that men can separate sex from emotion is false. We can maybe separate it moreso than women in a general sense, but most men want to genuinely know the girl and feel some kind of connection with her aside from the sex. It still releases bonding chemicals like dopamine in our brains too...just not quite as much. Now I can see why darlin_coco, milkshake and Lyssa are all over you...
Citizen Erased Posted December 6, 2007 Posted December 6, 2007 It's actually epiphany ah classic LS...correct each others spelling incorrectly
Leia Posted December 6, 2007 Posted December 6, 2007 Sometimes when I wake up with a hangover I also find an epiphane neatly packaged in there with it. Today it was that I really would rather be friends first. Just thought I'd share. So what do you guys think? Funny thing is that when I'm drunk I find myself wanting to take someone home that night... but in a way I'm scared... or just not comfortable with the person yet... or something. I dunno. There's absolutely nothing wrong in wanting to be friends first. I'm sure the girls would like that very much unless they are the... easy type. LOL. Seriously, I think you need to take some time off from dating... you're a bit scary...
oppath Posted December 6, 2007 Posted December 6, 2007 I think she means every other day there is a new post about some girl. Nothing scary about that. You are recently single and are living it up. It's a phase and a necessary one at that. Eventually, you'll focus on other things and that is when you'll find someone.
Leia Posted December 6, 2007 Posted December 6, 2007 I think she means every other day there is a new post about some girl. Nothing scary about that. You are recently single and are living it up. It's a phase and a necessary one at that. Eventually, you'll focus on other things and that is when you'll find someone. Thanks.. you sure can read my mind, Oppath...
BeautifulMystique Posted December 6, 2007 Posted December 6, 2007 Sometimes when I wake up with a hangover I also find an epiphane neatly packaged in there with it. Today it was that I really would rather be friends first. Just thought I'd share. So what do you guys think? Funny thing is that when I'm drunk I find myself wanting to take someone home that night... but in a way I'm scared... or just not comfortable with the person yet... or something. I dunno. What do I think? Does it matter? I think that would be the right thing to do. You are not looking for something serious and with the rate you're going right now, it would be the best thing to do - get to know girls, be friends with them and see where it leads to. Get yourself comfortable with the lady first! Don't exchange body fluids if you're not comfortable... that would be so wrong! Take your time.. what's the rush... you're not 49 are you?
Trimmer Posted December 6, 2007 Posted December 6, 2007 Take your time.. what's the rush... you're not 49 are you? LOL - Ouch! What, is that when we "old folks" fall off the edge of the earth? (Or maybe we're pushed...) I'd better get going; only got a few more years here...
Author Phateless Posted December 6, 2007 Author Posted December 6, 2007 I think she means every other day there is a new post about some girl. Nothing scary about that. You are recently single and are living it up. It's a phase and a necessary one at that. Eventually, you'll focus on other things and that is when you'll find someone. Thank you. It's kind of a guy thing and my female friends really don't understand. I was locked up with this girl for 5 years... my head is still settling I guess. So I meet a lot of girls and get a lot of numbers... Big deal. I don't sleep with any of them. When it comes down to it I'm looking for the fairy tale just like everyone else.
oppath Posted December 6, 2007 Posted December 6, 2007 Thank you. It's kind of a guy thing and my female friends really don't understand. I was locked up with this girl for 5 years... my head is still settling I guess. So I meet a lot of girls and get a lot of numbers... Big deal. I don't sleep with any of them. When it comes down to it I'm looking for the fairy tale just like everyone else. And there is NOTHING wrong with that. Girls do it all the time to men and can be just as manipulative. I've mistakenly dated women for months "because something incredible might happen" while they explore other options in my low confidence days, women who were recently single. You sound like after a date or two, if you truly aren't feeling it, you'd end things so as not to give any false hope. Ain't nothing wrong with flirting, getting digits, and making out...even sex as long as you are not promising more. A girl is responsible for sex too. If you are not romancing and acting like you are ready/want a relationship, if it happens, it happens. It's a good thing to experience meeting lots of people and dating around as long as you know yourself and are secure in who you are and don't lead people too far on.
Author Phateless Posted December 6, 2007 Author Posted December 6, 2007 And there is NOTHING wrong with that. Girls do it all the time to men and can be just as manipulative. I've mistakenly dated women for months "because something incredible might happen" while they explore other options in my low confidence days, women who were recently single. You sound like after a date or two, if you truly aren't feeling it, you'd end things so as not to give any false hope. Ain't nothing wrong with flirting, getting digits, and making out...even sex as long as you are not promising more. A girl is responsible for sex too. If you are not romancing and acting like you are ready/want a relationship, if it happens, it happens. It's a good thing to experience meeting lots of people and dating around as long as you know yourself and are secure in who you are and don't lead people too far on. Thanks Opp - all these girls are making me feel like I'm creepy for going through this phase.
BeautifulMystique Posted December 6, 2007 Posted December 6, 2007 LOL - Ouch! What, is that when we "old folks" fall off the edge of the earth? (Or maybe we're pushed...) I'd better get going; only got a few more years here... Are you somewhere around there? From your posts, you sure sound younger Have nothing against old folks... I think some are really hot! Robert Redford comes to mind or Sean Connery... that would be wrong actually, seeing that he looks like my dad!
Trimmer Posted December 6, 2007 Posted December 6, 2007 Are you somewhere around there? From your posts, you sure sound younger Have nothing against old folks... I think some are really hot! Robert Redford comes to mind or Sean Connery... that would be wrong actually, seeing that he looks like my dad! Ahhh, well flattery will get you everywhere, my dear... (Mmm, just imagine - hear it in your head - how Sean C. would say "flattery...") Mid-forties myself (so not in the Redford or Connery generation...), with 2 kids and currently divorcing, but I really don't feel any particular age. In some ways, I've been through the wringer; in others, I'm still starting out (do-overs?) I remember the innocence I had when I was younger - both missing and not missing it, in different ways - and I hope I still have at least some of the enthusiasm and energy. Off-topic, though, I suppose. It's always about me, me me... As far as the "friends first" thing, I guess I'm in a whole different place in life (and here's where I'll probably show some age...) Phateless, this is an observation, and not intended as any kind of criticism, but it sounds like you are looking at the "friends first" thing as still being an inevitable progression towards sex, only just a different path towards getting there. I guess my attitude right now is very much trying to live in the moment, partly as a result of being a bit gun-shy in the relationship department during a time of recovery from the demise of my marriage, so for me, it's not so much "friends first" (as a means to an end) as "friends now," just for the sake and the value of being friends. Now, lest I sound like I'm being falsely honorable, or trying to come across as the prototype 'sensitive guy', let me be clear: I wouldn't mind - for an instant - a good roll in the hay; I'm starting to think I might have forgotten how . But apart from that, I'm finding that connections with people, men and women, as friends have been a really important and valuable part of my life as I enter a new phase. It's something I remember from when I was young (oh, it all ties in eventually!) and something that I am enjoying rediscovering again now. It must be late, I'm getting way too serious...
Author Phateless Posted December 6, 2007 Author Posted December 6, 2007 Ahhh, well flattery will get you everywhere, my dear... (Mmm, just imagine - hear it in your head - how Sean C. would say "flattery...") Mid-forties myself (so not in the Redford or Connery generation...), with 2 kids and currently divorcing, but I really don't feel any particular age. In some ways, I've been through the wringer; in others, I'm still starting out (do-overs?) I remember the innocence I had when I was younger - both missing and not missing it, in different ways - and I hope I still have at least some of the enthusiasm and energy. Off-topic, though, I suppose. It's always about me, me me... As far as the "friends first" thing, I guess I'm in a whole different place in life (and here's where I'll probably show some age...) Phateless, this is an observation, and not intended as any kind of criticism, but it sounds like you are looking at the "friends first" thing as still being an inevitable progression towards sex, only just a different path towards getting there. I guess my attitude right now is very much trying to live in the moment, partly as a result of being a bit gun-shy in the relationship department during a time of recovery from the demise of my marriage, so for me, it's not so much "friends first" (as a means to an end) as "friends now," just for the sake and the value of being friends. Now, lest I sound like I'm being falsely honorable, or trying to come across as the prototype 'sensitive guy', let me be clear: I wouldn't mind - for an instant - a good roll in the hay; I'm starting to think I might have forgotten how . But apart from that, I'm finding that connections with people, men and women, as friends have been a really important and valuable part of my life as I enter a new phase. It's something I remember from when I was young (oh, it all ties in eventually!) and something that I am enjoying rediscovering again now. It must be late, I'm getting way too serious... You're right Trimmer, I am looking at friends first as a means to something more. Otherwise it would just be friends only, which I already have plenty of, male and female. I'm thinking friends first as opposed to the pressure of a regular "date". Sorry to hear about the marriage, but I'm glad you're moving on. I know how hard that can be. I too, am definitely feeling gun-shy. Hopefully this phase I'm in doesn't last too much longer.
Blue Eyed Brain Posted December 6, 2007 Posted December 6, 2007 Nothings wrong with being friends first, but my problem is that once a friend, it's hard for me to crossover into intimate thoughts. And that's were it dies. I'm not saying that everyone needs to shag each other, it's just that when I get flirty friendly advances, I dismiss them into thinking "he didn't say that, 'cause we're friends." Then 6 months later, he's liplocking me and I'm thinking I'm kissing my brother! Too confusing for me.
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