ImaManDammit Posted December 5, 2007 Posted December 5, 2007 I'm a logical person. So I am baffled why I cannot overcome the loss of my ex to the point that I almost became a danger to myself. Long story short. Met a woman, hit if off. Went out for 2 years. Decided we wanted to move to a different city and move into together. She moved out first. I had trouble finding work in that new city, but came out to be with her every other weekend. She got another job in that city and met a new group of friends, and it went all downhill from there. She partied more, and had some over the top behaviour with men, got drunk frequently and became more withdrawn, closed to me. Then the lieing started, sneaking out, lieing about her wherabouts. Then I came across some information that made me suspect she was cheating. So it came to a head, and that she was going to move back and be with me. Even quit her job there, and told her family she was moving. In the midst of all this I found she had consistently lied to me, and I again suspected she had her affair and now that was over ready to be stable with me again? Anyway I called it off. Left her in a bit of a lurch but she recovered from it quickly, but obviosuly her family was none too impressed. But in the end, she was bad for me, I mean she did all the things she said she'd never do and also lied to me when I always said I needed and open and honest relationship. So Although I did the right thing, maybe not in the right way, why do I want to fight to get her back? I was feeling so low, that I reached out to her and said I was willing to end it if she didnt't come back. More importantly the fact I would say something like that and she blew me off should says alot about that person. Not to mention the fact its been only a month and now has a new boyfriend. Yes I know its probabaly is rebound, for sex and kicks and she is just hurting herself, but why do I even care? Why do I want her back? Why is this eating me upside? NC is now 1 day and counting, and it feel like hot irons are poking into my brain. For those concerned yes, I am seeking counselling to ensure that I am not a danger to myself anymore. But it boggles the mind, logically this was a good move, so why can't I let go? Help!
KarmaSutra Posted December 5, 2007 Posted December 5, 2007 The easiest way to get over a woman is with a new one. This idiot is poison. It's like smoking or any other vice you want to quit, you make up your mind and do so. No tricks, hypnotism, magic spells, voodoo or any other garbage will work if your mind is not in decision. You want love, get a dog.
polywog Posted December 5, 2007 Posted December 5, 2007 You can't let go because you were invested in her, emotionally, for whatever reasons... good and not good. You must give yourself the space to grieve because it's just natural. It sucks. I know all about it, as do so many others on LS. Be kind to yourself and don't beat yourself up when you think about what an unworthy t**t she was. Geez, I think most of us here relate to you. You're in good company. Make sure you eat, bathe, and sleep. Go to the library and look at books on heartache and break-ups and maybe check them out and read through them. Or go to a bookstore or Amazon and buy a book or two. And trust that time will heal... because it does. Really. Best of luck, and keep posting for moral support.
randuff Posted December 5, 2007 Posted December 5, 2007 I feel your pain. It has been 7 months since my ex ended it with me and I want her back sooo bad for what reason I don't know. I know it wouldn't work out anyways. There are a lot of people in here that have similar situations that can give great insight. Just try to be strong and make it through, day by day. I know thats all I can do. Hopefully your healing time will be less than mine Good luck and post on for support!
Author ImaManDammit Posted December 12, 2007 Author Posted December 12, 2007 I find myself no better off than when this all started, but at least I have managed to keep NC, but with every day I get weaker and weaker. I think the only thing that has held me back from contacting her, is the fact that I know she will completely ignore me. So I don't bother since I know what the result will be. I talked about this with a phsycologist and basically he sums it up like this. I'm am not missing her and I am not actually upset she has a new boyfriend. For all the reasons I spoke about, ending the relationship was the right thing to do.....although the manner and continued behaviour afterwards was not. I have a fear of being alone, and that fear is even greater now with thoughts that I will never meet anyone again. I am also jealous of her, because she has what I want. Love, intmacy, companionship, but not that I necessarily want that from her. This is all well and true and I can buy that, but I have done everything I can to turn the tide. Kept NC, go the gym and work out like a fiend daily. Taking classes, go out with friends and family. It's all great at the moment, but as soon as I get some idle time, my mind always drifts back to her, and what she's doing and who she is with. How I manage to pick myself up again the next day is beyond me. I know it only been about a week of NC, but I know some of you have been feeling this pain and its going on months for you now. Well you're a better person than I, because I can't see myself tolerating months of feeling this way. She wished me all the happiness in the world when she left, she gave me was a death warrant.
Ronni_W Posted December 12, 2007 Posted December 12, 2007 ...a phsycologist...sums it up like this. I'm am not missing her and I am not actually upset she has a new boyfriend. I have a fear of being alone, and...thoughts that I will never meet anyone again. I am also jealous of her, because she has what I want. Love, intmacy, companionship, She wished me all the happiness in the world...she gave me was a death warrant. But you ARE missing her and you ARE upset she has a new boyfriend -- as you've said, both of those are related to your fears of being alone and not finding your special 'someone' (not so much about her, if that makes sense?) but it's inappropriate of the counselor to minimize what you ARE feeling. He'd be serving you better by suggesting ways of dealing with them rather than denying them. She might have the *illusion* of love, intimacy, etc., but from your description it doesn't sound like she has the emotional maturity to truly experience those things. Really it is YOUR choice if you want to give this person the power over you, to sign you a death warrant. You could also decide, "You want me to be happy??? Alright, I'll SHOW you what happiness is!!!" I do get that you're feeling down and without hope, and that's influencing you to feel weak about maintaining NC. But YoureAManDammit , so you do have activities and thoughts that can help you get through the worst of it. Best of luck
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