liddie Posted December 5, 2007 Posted December 5, 2007 Hello everyone out there in LS land! I have been on the "down low" for the past month or so and thought it was time to give you an update on my R with my MM. I have not ended it with him. We are still together. The R is not the same as it was b4 he left on his trip. I'm not "waiting" for him like I used to be. I very much live my life and he lives his and every once in awhile we get together. For the most part we have fallen into a great place. We talk and talk about everything and sex is not the focal point of our R. The one main change I have made in our R is that he is not to come around the house when my D is home. I don't want her to get hooked on him again. She really loves/d him and it took me along time to get her to stop talking/asking about him.
TheDevilsBabe Posted December 6, 2007 Posted December 6, 2007 Sounds like youve established new boundries and have come to realize what works and what dont...and the two of you moved on making the neccessary changes realizing what works in your individual situation....good for you!! Thats an awesome feeling isnt it?? Taking care of oneself FIRST should always be a priority and never taxing and expensive to ones inner self and mental health. Its easier being in the OW position once there are established Rules. Some Rules the two parties can change over time as situations change...things occur that require revising of the Rules...thats called "Life" and can be done when BOTH parties agree.....however "THE GOLDEN RULES" as my MM and I call them MOST DEFINETLY CANNOT! Having children involved when your involved in an OW kinda situation is definetly straining i would imagine..my heart to you there.....in my situation...children arent involved on either side *Thank Goodness* so i can only imagine what kind of issues that would bring up being a mother myself. Great work in seeing the effects it did/can and could have on your D and making the vow to not have him involved in her life...no matter how minor it may be and yes, only seeing him when she is not around. Stick to your guns...no matter how tempting. Wishing you continued sucess and much love to you
Gwyneth Posted December 6, 2007 Posted December 6, 2007 The one main change I have made in our R is that he is not to come around the house when my D is home. I don't want her to get hooked on him again. She really loves/d him and it took me along time to get her to stop talking/asking about him. Hi Liddie I think this makes you a really decent and great mom! You should put your daughter before your own needs when it comes to something this serious. My mom did that to us girls and for that we respect her. She made sure she Really knew a man before introducing him to us. I understand what you were saying about not completely ending the R and living your lives and seeing each other when you can--to me too this works best. Being attached is bad most of the time and so for you and your daughter, this seems to be workable. Stick to this and maybe eventually you'll detach yourself from him 110%! Good Luck
Author liddie Posted December 6, 2007 Author Posted December 6, 2007 You know its funny Gyweth and TDB, last night he called and said that he couldn't come over and that he would try in the morning. I told him that I was totally fine with that and that I understood completley why he couldn't come over. He seemed a tad bit "bummed" like he wanted me to do my usual bit where I say "if you wanted it you would make it happen" yadda yadda yadda. When I said nothing and was fine with it...he was like what? He said "we will take it one day at a time" what else can you do? I mean really?
whichwayisup Posted December 6, 2007 Posted December 6, 2007 He seemed a tad bit "bummed" like he wanted me to do my usual bit where I say "if you wanted it you would make it happen" yadda yadda yadda. When I said nothing and was fine with it...he was like what? That's because you did the unexpected and he didn't get his ego feed from your reaction of not being able to be together. I'm sure he's gotten sooo used to having you be upset, question him and show your emotions so now you didn't go down that road, it stumped him.
NoIDidn't Posted December 7, 2007 Posted December 7, 2007 Sounds like you are still planning for a possible transitioning of him out of your life by not having him around your daughter. That's a good thing for her and for you in the long run, whether you end up together or not. I predict that your boundaries are really going to do a number on him and you may eventually get tired of the dance he keeps trying to get you to do. "bet you could make it happen" alright. LOL. Its always funny when a man starts to get too big for his own britches!!!!
Gwyneth Posted December 7, 2007 Posted December 7, 2007 When you play the hard to get game, it either turns them on or off. I have tried this in the past--of course with non-married men, and when I would say things to them that was not the norm, they would also react the same way. If that works best for you and you are strong enough to risk him turning the other way by saying "okay, whatever," then go for it. This might just be the best thing for now
whichwayisup Posted December 7, 2007 Posted December 7, 2007 Thats exactly it W!! Yup. So, stop feeding his ego and stop playing the game. Make yourself a little deal. Go ONE week, and during that week you focus on you, you and you. Meaning, tell him that you have stuff going on ALL that week and won't be available. Then, BE busy! Go out with friends and just enjoy your life, be with family, see afew movies, go xmas shopping... I bet after a week you'll feel better and hey, go for another week. More focus on you and your life and less focus on him and feeding his huge ego.
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