Confused9 Posted December 5, 2007 Posted December 5, 2007 I am just looking for others who have had the same experience... My fiance is MEAN so so mean and he is trying to blame me for cheating. He won't tell me anything to my face or on the phone...it's all text and or email. Is it because he can't face me or is his just an a-hole? Why be mean? Does that make it easier?
Cobra_X30 Posted December 5, 2007 Posted December 5, 2007 Is it because he can't face me or is his just an a-hole? Why be mean? Does that make it easier? Does it really matter? Do you want to be with a man who cheats on you and is mean to you?
Author Confused9 Posted December 5, 2007 Author Posted December 5, 2007 Well, I am just looking for some feedback. I just don't get how people can be so heartless. How they can go from one extreme to the other. And sadely, yes...part of me still wants to be with him
whichwayisup Posted December 5, 2007 Posted December 5, 2007 He probably doesn't have the balls to end it, so he's doing the typical high school game thing boys do to girls - Be a big enough jerk and eventually she'll get the hint and leave. He is both! He is an AHOLE and he cannot face you because he is so wrapped up in himself. He is selfish and his actions are showing you this. By putting the blame on you, being mean to you, makes HIM feel superior and like he has done nothing wrong SO he doesn't have to be accountable for his actions, responsible for hurting and betraying you. As much as it hurts now, be glad you found out what scumbag he is! I mean, could you imagine marrying him, having afew kids in the mix and then finding out his cheating? I am sorry for your pain. And, DO NOT blame yourself for HIS cheating! That was HIS choice to do, not yours. IF he was unhappy and wanted out, he could have told you instead of hurting you in the worst possible way.
whichwayisup Posted December 5, 2007 Posted December 5, 2007 And sadely, yes...part of me still wants to be with him You want the man you fell inlove with, the man you were planning on marrying. Sadly though, that "man" is gone. He has changed and isn't coming back. The real faith and trust you had in him also is gone... MAYBE if he had come clean and treated you better, tried to show you how sorry he was, then it could have been possible to work through this, go to counselling and give him a chance to prove to you that he is worthy of a chance - BUT - The way he has been with you, so hot and cold, being a royal JERK-OFF to you, no way. He has made his bed, now he needs to lay in it! This isn't just losing him, it's losing what you were going to have together. A marriage, a life being built together, creating children together...All of that is gone now so this is also about losing your dreams and plans...It takes time. If you need to talk, keep posting and/or get some counselling in so you can cope better. Talk to your friends, your family and make sure you have lots of support around you.
Author Confused9 Posted December 5, 2007 Author Posted December 5, 2007 Thank you everyone. This is just so hard. It doesn't help that he is 1,000's of miles away working. He is trying SO hard to make me think he is happy. I just can't understand how he could jump in to a relationship so quick. Now I think they may be having a baby!!! He says they are but again, he's said a lot of things...so I don't know what to believe. How could he be in love with her when a week before this happened he was sooo in love with me (or so he says)? I just don't want him to be happy. He left me...in the worst way. Never even gave me any closure. he doesn't deserve to be happy. And if she knew about me...she doesn't either. Thier relationship was built on a lie...I just hope the truth comes out. He loved me for 7 years...it's just so hard to think that is all being replaced because he has the butterflies or lust with someone new. How can all we have experienced be replaced so quickly, you know?
Cobra_X30 Posted December 5, 2007 Posted December 5, 2007 Well, I am just looking for some feedback. I just don't get how people can be so heartless. How they can go from one extreme to the other. And sadely, yes...part of me still wants to be with him I didnt mean to be cold... I just got the feeling you still wanted him! You have the right of it to begin with. He is blameshifting to you... because he doesnt want to take responsibility.
Author Confused9 Posted December 5, 2007 Author Posted December 5, 2007 It's okay. Part of me does...but the other part of me just wants answers and he won't give them to me...so I am coming here to see what others think. This is all just so much so fast. It's like he's a different perso. He was always so open about how he felt about me. That never changed. Then he met this fugly girl and now he loves her? How is that even possible?
cj1988 Posted December 5, 2007 Posted December 5, 2007 So sorry you are going through this......I have no idea why and how they can be so mean espcially considering the hurt they have already inflicted from having an A.....but they do it none the less. My H of 13 years ( I accused him of having an A) told me 2 weeks after the accusation that he wanted out etc....this went on for 5 months and 25 pounds less later. He watched his wife, the person is was so called in love with fall slap apart mentally, emotionally and physically and did not care what so ever. Told me after 3 months if crying that he loved me but was no longer in love with me etc......so I finally had enough and told him if he wanted to out to f----- leave or I would ! I still believe the only reason he is still with me is because he could not have her and that is what hurts the worst...I was first in his life for years and then in 3 months she changed all that and I became nothing......we are still together and I am NOT happy at all and he still treats me like crap.....oh yeah, he has never confessed and denies it now, but blames me for him acting the way he did !!!! Said I am crazy and insecure.....do not worry my friend....I will have the last laugh, what goes around comes around, remember that ! How long was he having the affair !
Crestfallen_KH Posted December 5, 2007 Posted December 5, 2007 I think spouses become mean because they are upset at themselves. They know what they are doing is wrong, and when they are near you, you serve as a reminder that they have lied to you, cheated on you and betrayed you. They are confused and upset at themselves so they take it out on you. Hurt people hurt others. That doesn't make it any better certainly, but as much as you can, try not to take it personally. He is broken inside and is confused and messed up and he thinks it will be better (and easier) for him with you out of the picture. He knows what he is doing is wrong and mean, and he doesn't like himself very much right now.
cj1988 Posted December 5, 2007 Posted December 5, 2007 Honey, just be glad he left and did not stay and make you see him everyday....you would then see him as he is now, and when you realize they are no longer in love with you and FAKE it makes it all the more frustrating and painful. When did he tell he was no longer in love with you? Did you catch him or did he just leave?
norajane Posted December 5, 2007 Posted December 5, 2007 He was a mean ******* to cheat on you in the first place, so it's not a huge surprise that he's still a mean ******* now. That he can blame you for HIS lying and cheating shows he has no balls to take responsibility for his actions. Stop answering his texts, stop reading his emails, stop all contact with him. He's not worth your time, and you'll feel a lot better not having to know or hear any more about his crap. Plus, if you block him and never contact him, YOU WIN. You won't give him the satisfaction of knowing that you are still sad about your break-up, AND you'll help yourself to move on faster if you have no new information about him to hurt you.
Author Confused9 Posted December 5, 2007 Author Posted December 5, 2007 He never said he wasn't in love with me anymore. he just ended it because of what he did and he said it will never be the same. I believe he is still in love with me I just think the guilt got the best of him and like the other posters said he doesn't want to work at it becasue it will be too hard so he just wants to end it. He tried too hard to make me think that he was happy which makes me think he isn't. I was his ***World*** he held me on a pedistle so I think he just doesn't understand how he could do what he did. Unless he was fooling me and everyone else for 7 years. He never acted any differently before he cheated. Then, it was just different. Guilt. Lying, etc. It's just so hard to imagine he could be happy with another person so soon. So in love with her...because if that's true...then he did fool me. I just don't understand any of this. how people can hurt someone so much. I just wish I could wake up and it would be 6 months away and I wouldn't be as hurt. I have had issues with men forever. My dad left when I was younger and he knew that. He knew I was so scared he would hurt me and now he did...I think that on top of everything else made him realize it would never be the same with us. I think he is mean to me so I will stop calling because that hurts him when I do. Then again, what do I know? I thought I knew him...obviously I didn't.
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