outoftheditch Posted December 9, 2007 Share Posted December 9, 2007 You know, I've been trying really hard to be consructive, but when you mentioned in another thread that you were "finishing her girl's room" in "your" house, it made me a little sick to my stomach. Agreed. SD, I really hope you seek some good professional assistance (not a slam at all, seriously). These are not actions of someone emotionally healthy. I would also recommend her seeing someone as well. I really hope you pull yourself out of this ditch. It sound like your getting a variety of advice from this site and hope you see the healthy path you need to take. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted December 9, 2007 Author Share Posted December 9, 2007 You know, I've been trying really hard to be consructive, but when you mentioned in another thread that you were "finishing her girl's room" in "your" house, it made me a little sick to my stomach. Sorry RB.. didnt think they'd ever be here, just paint a room pink.. making it a girl's room.. Won't deny a certain "feeling" and I won't deny that feeling was wrong.. again, blinders on, I will admit.. Posting here is helping me see that. Again, sorry for the sick feeling... Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted December 9, 2007 Author Share Posted December 9, 2007 Agreed. SD, I really hope you seek some good professional assistance (not a slam at all, seriously). These are not actions of someone emotionally healthy. I would also recommend her seeing someone as well. I really hope you pull yourself out of this ditch. It sound like your getting a variety of advice from this site and hope you see the healthy path you need to take. That path IS becoming clearer with all of this posting.. No slam taken, I could "keep certain things off of the posts", but that wouldnt be very honest and it WOULDNT help me... Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
outoftheditch Posted December 9, 2007 Share Posted December 9, 2007 I don't understand. Not talking about H, talking about your kids and how they would see you knowing the full truth? Just wondering if this is a concern? So, any concern about your daughter or son finding out? What do you think the impact of them would be? Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted December 9, 2007 Author Share Posted December 9, 2007 So, any concern about your daughter or son finding out? What do you think the impact of them would be? Well, of course.. not good... not what I want.. I have alot of concerns, probably EVERY concer you could throw at me. Some, now are becoming clearer.. Listen, in a previous post I said, "Love will conquer all..", GREAT way to "feel", but let's get real. There will be ALOT of work and alot of TIME, and alot of HEALING for EVERYBODY. I have no arguement to this, and I also have no clue how things will go. All I can do TODAY, is post here, hope things become clearer, settle down my emotions, take responsibility for what is what and be concerned regarding all of the "concerns" that COULD happen.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted December 9, 2007 Author Share Posted December 9, 2007 Well, of course.. not good... not what I want.. I have alot of concerns, probably EVERY concer you could throw at me. Some, now are becoming clearer.. Listen, in a previous post I said, "Love will conquer all..", GREAT way to "feel", but let's get real. There will be ALOT of work and alot of TIME, and alot of HEALING for EVERYBODY. I have no arguement to this, and I also have no clue how things will go. All I can do TODAY, is post here, hope things become clearer, settle down my emotions, take responsibility for what is what and be concerned regarding all of the "concerns" that COULD happen.. And once again, THANK YOU to everybody for your genuine HELP.... I appreciate it.. I am a good man, just in a very bad place, and I am not talking about how I feel... Just where all of this is TODAY:( Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted December 10, 2007 Share Posted December 10, 2007 And once again, THANK YOU to everybody for your genuine HELP.... I appreciate it.. I am a good man, just in a very bad place, and I am not talking about how I feel... Just where all of this is TODAY:( I encourage you to continue posting. Some here see OM and OW as cartoonish villans that are inherently evil. You do seem like a good guy but (at least in my opinion) you're doing the wrong thing... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted December 10, 2007 Author Share Posted December 10, 2007 I encourage you to continue posting. Some here see OM and OW as cartoonish villans that are inherently evil. You do seem like a good guy but (at least in my opinion) you're doing the wrong thing... Mr. Lucky Thanks.. I'm trying SO hard.... I swear, I prayed to GOD the night I met her, "Thank you for allowing to meet one of your most Beautiful Angels, but PLEASE hear me, I DO NOT want an affair.. IF you have us on a path, PLEASE, let it be the RIGHT PATH... Please help me to do things right..." Then a few months later, I was talking to somebody from church about all of this, and she said, "Don't you think the devil can make Beautiful too...." I am SO confused... Link to post Share on other sites
outoftheditch Posted December 10, 2007 Share Posted December 10, 2007 And once again, THANK YOU to everybody for your genuine HELP.... I appreciate it.. I am a good man, just in a very bad place, and I am not talking about how I feel... Just where all of this is TODAY:( While I hope you get to a better place, I don't think you will unless you really do some introspection with a trained professional. I'm not sure I could call myself a "good man" knowing I had done, and repeatedly done, the things you have for so long. I know discovering the truth about oneself is extremely painful, I've been down that road (hence, outoftheditch), but your posts are pretty extensive, more that others, but has several inconsistencies. Makes me wonder. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted December 10, 2007 Author Share Posted December 10, 2007 While I hope you get to a better place, I don't think you will unless you really do some introspection with a trained professional. I'm not sure I could call myself a "good man" knowing I had done, and repeatedly done, the things you have for so long. I know discovering the truth about oneself is extremely painful, I've been down that road (hence, outoftheditch), but your posts are pretty extensive, more that others, but has several inconsistencies. Makes me wonder. Makes you wonder WHAT? Fine, Im a rotten terrible man.. Better?? I am trying, and yes, the TRUTH about myself and what is going on is horrible.. My posts are extensive because I am pouring my soul out here, to complete strangers that "offer" help and advise, some of it very harsh, but usually truthful.. What do you suggest I do, be less extensive?? Hold stuff back from the viewers here so I look like a "better man"..? NO, I "release" myself into the hands of the wonderful folks here at LS. That's why the site is here, right? Link to post Share on other sites
outoftheditch Posted December 10, 2007 Share Posted December 10, 2007 Makes you wonder WHAT? Fine, Im a rotten terrible man.. Better?? I am trying, and yes, the TRUTH about myself and what is going on is horrible.. My posts are extensive because I am pouring my soul out here, to complete strangers that "offer" help and advise, some of it very harsh, but usually truthful.. What do you suggest I do, be less extensive?? Hold stuff back from the viewers here so I look like a "better man"..? NO, I "release" myself into the hands of the wonderful folks here at LS. That's why the site is here, right? Don't misunderstand me, I think it takes guts to put it out there like you have. Not discouraging you seeking help. What I wonder is when you say "I'm a good man", who your trying to convince? Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted December 10, 2007 Author Share Posted December 10, 2007 Don't misunderstand me, I think it takes guts to put it out there like you have. Not discouraging you seeking help. What I wonder is when you say "I'm a good man", who your trying to convince? probably myself... Definately not you guys I guess... I think trying to validate my feelings and this pain I am going through of missing amd loving her... Link to post Share on other sites
outoftheditch Posted December 10, 2007 Share Posted December 10, 2007 That's what I suspected. Just sounded like you were acting like you were in this place due to something other than your own actions, that you were a victim. Your not, others are de to what you and her have done. BUT, your on the right path, 6 days NC, taking lumps and realizing (hopefully) things about yourself, and your actions. Those are good first steps. I'm sure your the first to say a little late, but good steps and you have to start somewhere. I wish you luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted December 10, 2007 Author Share Posted December 10, 2007 That's what I suspected. Just sounded like you were acting like you were in this place due to something other than your own actions, that you were a victim. Your not, others are de to what you and her have done. BUT, your on the right path, 6 days NC, taking lumps and realizing (hopefully) things about yourself, and your actions. Those are good first steps. I'm sure your the first to say a little late, but good steps and you have to start somewhere. I wish you luck Thank you, Thank you Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 10, 2007 Share Posted December 10, 2007 It just seems you're doing TOO much and honestly, as much as you want to help out, it isn't your place to do so...You're also putting all your eggs in one basket. You bought the house for you and your MW, yet you really do not know if she is going to BE in that house with you...You've painted a room pink - Not for your daughter, but for HER daughter...Who's to say that MW's husband (that is IF they do divorce) will want HIS children to move into your house so quickly. Pre-planning ahead like this more than likely will backfire on you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted December 10, 2007 Author Share Posted December 10, 2007 It just seems you're doing TOO much and honestly, as much as you want to help out, it isn't your place to do so...You're also putting all your eggs in one basket. You bought the house for you and your MW, yet you really do not know if she is going to BE in that house with you...You've painted a room pink - Not for your daughter, but for HER daughter...Who's to say that MW's husband (that is IF they do divorce) will want HIS children to move into your house so quickly. Pre-planning ahead like this more than likely will backfire on you. I havent painted yet, and probably won't.. I HAVE put all of my eggs in one basket, HER basket, because that's what you do when you LOVE somebody.. I am a fool Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 10, 2007 Share Posted December 10, 2007 Yes, it's what you do when you love someone, but not when that someone is already married..Know what I mean? You are a caring and loving person, a giving man who can offer so much to a woman...It's just that she isn't available to you, let alone available to TAKE from you as she honestly cannot offer you anything except "what if's" and some hopeful promises that may not really work out at the end of the day... I put this on your other thread, but you need to think about seeking some therapy so you can learn how to cope with this stuff. You need help in handling this before it eats you up and you need to be put on meds for feeling depressed and anxious. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted December 10, 2007 Author Share Posted December 10, 2007 Yes, it's what you do when you love someone, but not when that someone is already married..Know what I mean? You are a caring and loving person, a giving man who can offer so much to a woman...It's just that she isn't available to you, let alone available to TAKE from you as she honestly cannot offer you anything except "what if's" and some hopeful promises that may not really work out at the end of the day... I put this on your other thread, but you need to think about seeking some therapy so you can learn how to cope with this stuff. You need help in handling this before it eats you up and you need to be put on meds for feeling depressed and anxious. Thank you, thank you Link to post Share on other sites
abeliever Posted December 10, 2007 Share Posted December 10, 2007 Stampdaddy- You seem like at one point you was a great man. Not saying your the devil now. But if your bringing religion into this situation. Here goes. A true christian does not chase a married woman. Nor do they lie (at least not suppose to) to others about your R. You are lying, to your family and hers. You purchased another home for you and MW? Does that seem like what a person who goes to church does? Not hitting religion but trying to make you see that when you use religion in these types of situation, it really has nothing to do with it. It's a crutch to fool yourself that you are doing "the right thing". But your not. I really believe that is why you came here. Hearing what you didn't want to hear, thought maybe someone would pat you on the back and say good job keep up the good work? That it is not in this group. We believe you hold yourself accountable for your actions. So, are you? Where does that lead you? What is the "right thing to do" now? Ask yourself these questions? Hoping your feeling like we are helping? Listening to you makes me sick at times. (also) I often wondered if my H felt this way about any of OW (5 total) and if he made promises and plans like you have? How sad, all he had to do was come and tell me he wanted out and left. Instead he did it right behind my back until I caught him! I suspect her H will feel the same way and let me tell you it's a awful feeling you never really get over. And you are apart of that, that history will forever have YOUR name on it. abeliever Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted December 10, 2007 Author Share Posted December 10, 2007 Stampdaddy- You seem like at one point you was a great man. Not saying your the devil now. But if your bringing religion into this situation. Here goes. A true christian does not chase a married woman. Nor do they lie (at least not suppose to) to others about your R. You are lying, to your family and hers. You purchased another home for you and MW? Does that seem like what a person who goes to church does? Not hitting religion but trying to make you see that when you use religion in these types of situation, it really has nothing to do with it. It's a crutch to fool yourself that you are doing "the right thing". But your not. I really believe that is why you came here. Hearing what you didn't want to hear, thought maybe someone would pat you on the back and say good job keep up the good work? That it is not in this group. We believe you hold yourself accountable for your actions. So, are you? Where does that lead you? What is the "right thing to do" now? Ask yourself these questions? Hoping your feeling like we are helping? Listening to you makes me sick at times. (also) I often wondered if my H felt this way about any of OW (5 total) and if he made promises and plans like you have? How sad, all he had to do was come and tell me he wanted out and left. Instead he did it right behind my back until I caught him! I suspect her H will feel the same way and let me tell you it's a awful feeling you never really get over. And you are apart of that, that history will forever have YOUR name on it. abeliever First of all, ALL of this is helping, including your posts, so thank you.. I am sorry about how I make you feel.. I have struggled with this thing religously, and let me tell you, it has NOT been good, so I am trying to get back on track. I am NOT looking for any stupid pats on the back, at least not consciensly, sorry if it seems that way. I am sure subconsciensly I am trying to "justify" my situation within MYSELF, as the truth of what is really what comes to light through these posts and advice from ALL of you. As far as the house goes, I had a goal BEFORE i met her to buy a house within 2 years of moving back home, and I did, BUT now that I met her and fell in love with her and THOUGHT we were heading to a certain point, where we would eventually become WE (because it happens) my desire, my attitude, my dream became that would be OUR house, but technically it is MY house... The "right thing to do" for now is what I am doing.. NC and trying to get a grip of my emotions.. Which BOTH are happening. It is harder than I ever thought. Link to post Share on other sites
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