outoftheditch Posted December 7, 2007 Posted December 7, 2007 Ok, good luck. Remember, family comes first. Beyond anything else. I would focus on the good things you already have. You mentioned you have kids - pour yourself into being there for them. and building your life without the distraction of messing with someone else's wife. and lay off the CAPS!
Author stampdaddy Posted December 7, 2007 Author Posted December 7, 2007 StillHere and EVERYBODY else: I am 3 days into this, so give me a break.. I AM trying and that is why I AM here.... I NEED help and that is why I am here.. SO, THANK YOU all, for your help, I am not closed minded, maybe a little closed hearted as this HURTS SO MUCH!!!
Author stampdaddy Posted December 7, 2007 Author Posted December 7, 2007 Ok, good luck. Remember, family comes first. Beyond anything else. I would focus on the good things you already have. You mentioned you have kids - pour yourself into being there for them. and building your life without the distraction of messing with someone else's wife. and lay off the CAPS! will seek counselling regarding the usage of CAPS.. jk. Thanks, OD
outoftheditch Posted December 7, 2007 Posted December 7, 2007 OK stamp, sorry if I was tough on you but, as my name suggests, I've made it out of the ditch and trying to impart some of the wisdom I've accumulated through my troublesome journey. The best things in life don't come easy. Only hard work, sacrifice, and commitment to doing the right thing creates the happiness you crave. Just remember, a man should be disciplined about having character that would make his kids proud of. Make your kids proud.
Author stampdaddy Posted December 7, 2007 Author Posted December 7, 2007 OK stamp, sorry if I was tough on you but, as my name suggests, I've made it out of the ditch and trying to impart some of the wisdom I've accumulated through my troublesome journey. The best things in life don't come easy. Only hard work, sacrifice, and commitment to doing the right thing creates the happiness you crave. Just remember, a man should be disciplined about having character that would make his kids proud of. Make your kids proud. Thank you! I am trying to make EVERYBODY proud, but in order to do so, I need to start at HOME, my home.. We"ll talk. you would be proud of me... IF you knew the story
outoftheditch Posted December 7, 2007 Posted December 7, 2007 I would like to know your whole story. I would. Maybe we can trade email addresses. Heck, my business sometimes takes me to St. Louis!
LifesontheUp Posted December 7, 2007 Posted December 7, 2007 Are you married stampdaddy? You mentioned kids but I can't remember seeing whether you mentioned if you were married or not?
Author stampdaddy Posted December 7, 2007 Author Posted December 7, 2007 Are you married stampdaddy? You mentioned kids but I can't remember seeing whether you mentioned if you were married or not? no, I have been divorced for 6 years.. we are all OK... My roads that I have traveled are part of THIS story, WHY I feel that WE would be OK, that I wouldnt let her fall.... I'd help her and the children get through this, of course, WITHOUT the A being knowledge to them...
LifesontheUp Posted December 7, 2007 Posted December 7, 2007 no, I have been divorced for 6 years.. we are all OK... My roads that I have traveled are part of THIS story, WHY I feel that WE would be OK, that I wouldnt let her fall.... I'd help her and the children get through this, of course, WITHOUT the A being knowledge to them... Thank you for replying....I just wondered what your situation was. If you get chance go and have a look what LucreciaBorgia wrote in Blindsidedagains thread in the OW/OM forum. Perhaps it'll give you an insight into why OW has not left her husband.
Author stampdaddy Posted December 7, 2007 Author Posted December 7, 2007 Thank you for replying....I just wondered what your situation was. If you get chance go and have a look what LucreciaBorgia wrote in Blindsidedagains thread in the OW/OM forum. Perhaps it'll give you an insight into why OW has not left her husband. I don't know why she hasnt left, there are many reasons, and of course, I know that I have enabled her to stay. I just have a hard time believing that what we built, this love of ours, could NOT be enough. Of course what do I have to lose? She, well, has a lot to lose, that DOES NOT neccessarily include HIM. So, if I focus on just ONE reason, the children, that will help me through this.... I think
abeliever Posted December 7, 2007 Posted December 7, 2007 Hello. I have been away for a week so just back saw your post. First, I have been hurt like you only I was at the other end. For the pain you are "going thru" I am sorry. But look here. Did you come here for truth or someone to pat you on the back and say hang in there she will come to you. If so, you belong to OW/OM forum. Here we are truthful with our feelings. We are "real". (period) See here we care about each other not trying to get over on each other. It is not what we are about here. With that being said. I find you have some nerve going to OW house while OM is at work etc. It takes BALLS to walk in their home with neighbors who could see you two together. So where is the "respect"? Oh yeah, you do not have any. OM said give them time. Then if it doesn't work out you can date, sleep together or whatever it is the "in love" or "love" couples do?!^&$# I guess it's nothing like married couples do. At least that is what we learn here about "CHEATERS". And no, we don't like that kind here. Reformed we can stomach if it's sincere. But the truth is, you have to let her go. If she gets a divorce then and only then she is fair game. Hope this helps. Abeliever
Author stampdaddy Posted December 7, 2007 Author Posted December 7, 2007 Hello. I have been away for a week so just back saw your post. First, I have been hurt like you only I was at the other end. For the pain you are "going thru" I am sorry. But look here. Did you come here for truth or someone to pat you on the back and say hang in there she will come to you. If so, you belong to OW/OM forum. Here we are truthful with our feelings. We are "real". (period) See here we care about each other not trying to get over on each other. It is not what we are about here. With that being said. I find you have some nerve going to OW house while OM is at work etc. It takes BALLS to walk in their home with neighbors who could see you two together. So where is the "respect"? Oh yeah, you do not have any. OM said give them time. Then if it doesn't work out you can date, sleep together or whatever it is the "in love" or "love" couples do?!^&$# I guess it's nothing like married couples do. At least that is what we learn here about "CHEATERS". And no, we don't like that kind here. Reformed we can stomach if it's sincere. But the truth is, you have to let her go. If she gets a divorce then and only then she is fair game. Hope this helps. Abeliever I AM here for the truth, I am trying, man.. I will admit, I made a mistake by going to her house, but I would have scoured the earth that day to find her.. There were some things that had to be said/known.. BUT, I was wrong to go there... I'll take your anger at me, but please understand, I AM SINCERE
abeliever Posted December 8, 2007 Posted December 8, 2007 SD You missed understood me. I am not "angry" but more shocked you had the balls to "walk into the OM house"! That is all. I mean at that moment you should have questioned yourself. Why would you walk into another man's house to talk to his wife? It takes balls. That's all. That is the kind of stuff that can get a man shot?? Anyway, you came for answers and some help. I really hope we are coming accross that way. Sure we don't understand "cheaters" but at least we are human and can still understand pain. Even if we think you derserve it. Best of Luck abeliever
Author stampdaddy Posted December 8, 2007 Author Posted December 8, 2007 SD You missed understood me. I am not "angry" but more shocked you had the balls to "walk into the OM house"! That is all. I mean at that moment you should have questioned yourself. Why would you walk into another man's house to talk to his wife? It takes balls. That's all. That is the kind of stuff that can get a man shot?? Anyway, you came for answers and some help. I really hope we are coming accross that way. Sure we don't understand "cheaters" but at least we are human and can still understand pain. Even if we think you derserve it. Best of Luck abeliever Thanks. I do appreciate the posts, as I am sincere with mine, and understanding as well...
Mr. Lucky Posted December 8, 2007 Posted December 8, 2007 I'll take your anger at me, but please understand, I AM SINCERE Stampdaddy, I'm impressed by the obvious depth of your feelings and angst over your situation. But just because you feel so strongly about your love for this MW doesn't make it right. Suicide bombers strongly feel the depth of their convictions but suffer an obvious loss of moral equilibrium. Just because we want something, doesn't make it so. You also seem to have developed a skill that everyone in an affair needs - the ability to pick and choose which truths to believe: - You do believe that she's in love with you - You don't believe that she feels the same way about her H - You do believe that your sexual relationship is meaningful - You don't believe that she's having sex with her H - You do believe that you're meant to be together - You don't believe that she stays with her H for the same reason I wonder what advice you would give to a good friend in the same situation? Mr. Lucky
Author stampdaddy Posted December 8, 2007 Author Posted December 8, 2007 Stampdaddy, I'm impressed by the obvious depth of your feelings and angst over your situation. But just because you feel so strongly about your love for this MW doesn't make it right. Suicide bombers strongly feel the depth of their convictions but suffer an obvious loss of moral equilibrium. Just because we want something, doesn't make it so. I know it's not right, I hope it BECOMES right You also seem to have developed a skill that everyone in an affair needs - the ability to pick and choose which truths to believe: probably so - You do believe that she's in love with you YES I do, you know it, when she touches my face... - You don't believe that she feels the same way about her H No I dont, I know this too. I've seen it, heard it. It's too obvious - You do believe that your sexual relationship is meaningful YEP - You don't believe that she's having sex with her H NOPE - HE told me as much.. 3 years - You do believe that you're meant to be together Be nice thing to believe - You don't believe that she stays with her H for the same reason I know she has guilt of "the Promise" and "History" I wonder what advice you would give to a good friend in the same situation? I dont know, Mr. Lucky Mr. Lucky see above notes
Author stampdaddy Posted December 9, 2007 Author Posted December 9, 2007 Stampdaddy, I'm impressed by the obvious depth of your feelings and angst over your situation. But just because you feel so strongly about your love for this MW doesn't make it right. Suicide bombers strongly feel the depth of their convictions but suffer an obvious loss of moral equilibrium. Just because we want something, doesn't make it so. You also seem to have developed a skill that everyone in an affair needs - the ability to pick and choose which truths to believe: - You do believe that she's in love with you - You don't believe that she feels the same way about her H - You do believe that your sexual relationship is meaningful - You don't believe that she's having sex with her H - You do believe that you're meant to be together - You don't believe that she stays with her H for the same reason I wonder what advice you would give to a good friend in the same situation? Mr. Lucky It is starting to scare the crap out of me.. But I've done all I can do.. I bought us a house, I make OK money, although could be better (couldnt we all?) I am putting my daughter through a major college, I am a swell guy, I LOVE her, I love her children, I am good, no GREAT, to them behind the scenes (i may explain later), I have given her things shes NEVER had and ALWAYS wanted, there have been SO many "firsts" for her because of me.. We travel, we are Best Friends, we shre SO much, and have learned SO much because of each other, I mean, I am a 40 year old man, and I swear, it's like I am just NOW, starting to grow..... not "grow up" just grow... We see life through the same eyes, they don't see the same anything, except the children, and even that is "separate" looking... I just wonder: When is it ENOUGH to make a difference?
whichwayisup Posted December 9, 2007 Posted December 9, 2007 But, her kids do not know that you were having an affair with their mother? See, if not, then they believe you two are 'friends' under platonic circumstances....WHEN they find out it was more, they will feel lied to and betrayed, and, I'm sure alot of stuff WILL make sense to them once they think about to past times at home, with their mom and dad.. Does your daughter know about the MW? Just curious, I mean, how do you think she'd feel if she knew? Also, what if your daughter got involved with a MM, how would you feel about that?
Author stampdaddy Posted December 9, 2007 Author Posted December 9, 2007 But, her kids do not know that you were having an affair with their mother? See, if not, then they believe you two are 'friends' under platonic circumstances....WHEN they find out it was more, they will feel lied to and betrayed, and, I'm sure alot of stuff WILL make sense to them once they think about to past times at home, with their mom and dad.. Does your daughter know about the MW? Just curious, I mean, how do you think she'd feel if she knew? Also, what if your daughter got involved with a MM, how would you feel about that? Her kids DONT know me.. But, I DO make a difference, a BIG difference in their lives.. My daughter does not know.. and I HEAR YOU
whichwayisup Posted December 9, 2007 Posted December 9, 2007 I love her children, I am good, no GREAT, to them behind the scenes (i may explain later), Okay, I'm very confused. How you can you love her kids and how can you be great to them behind the scenes (this confuses me even more) when you've not met them? Oh, unless you're talking about that you make their mom happier? If that is the case, it's on the expense of their father...Sorry, but it is true. Glad you hear me.
Author stampdaddy Posted December 9, 2007 Author Posted December 9, 2007 Okay, I'm very confused. How you can you love her kids and how can you be great to them behind the scenes (this confuses me even more) when you've not met them? Oh, unless you're talking about that you make their mom happier? If that is the case, it's on the expense of their father...Sorry, but it is true. Glad you hear me. OK, here we go.. I LISTEN.. I HEAR THEM.. It's VERY hard to explain, but I will try.. EXAMPLE: the youngest, a sweet girl, started kindergarten, but was struggling.. The school counselor even thought that she might have to be held back before going into 1st grade. She knew this, HE knew this, BUT who was the person who stepped up, printed out work sheets, made "homework folders", made index cards of ABC's, bought wall paper for her bathroom, so when she pee'd. she could see tha ABC's etc, made her and her sister a "reading basket" with a Zoo membership as a reward if the read all of the books together, etc... Just ONE example of SO many.. maybe it IS at the expense, BUT, he wasnt/isnt doing it... NOT MY JOB, rather, MY LOVING PLEASURE. She's now in 2nd grade making straight A's.. MW will not forget this.. should I go on? (respectfully asking)
outoftheditch Posted December 9, 2007 Posted December 9, 2007 But, her kids do not know that you were having an affair with their mother? See, if not, then they believe you two are 'friends' under platonic circumstances....WHEN they find out it was more, they will feel lied to and betrayed, and, I'm sure alot of stuff WILL make sense to them once they think about to past times at home, with their mom and dad.. Does your daughter know about the MW? Just curious, I mean, how do you think she'd feel if she knew? Also, what if your daughter got involved with a MM, how would you feel about that? Better question would be how would you feel if some man was doing these things to you son's wife and family? Worth asking as well - what would your children think if they found out? Is this the role model you want to be? Just pointing out other possible damage and impacts you should consider when deciding on next steps and actions.
Author stampdaddy Posted December 9, 2007 Author Posted December 9, 2007 Better question would be how would you feel if some man was doing these things to you son's wife and family? Worth asking as well - what would your children think if they found out? Is this the role model you want to be? Just pointing out other possible damage and impacts you should consider when deciding on next steps and actions. It's tough to answer these questions, especially when one "believes" that loving is OK.. But hindsight IS starting to become clearer for me.. HE knows of the Reading Basket, she told him, when he asked what "I do for her, why is he so special, etc..."
reboot Posted December 9, 2007 Posted December 9, 2007 You know, I've been trying really hard to be consructive, but when you mentioned in another thread that you were "finishing her girl's room" in "your" house, it made me a little sick to my stomach.
outoftheditch Posted December 9, 2007 Posted December 9, 2007 It's tough to answer these questions, especially when one "believes" that loving is OK.. But hindsight IS starting to become clearer for me.. HE knows of the Reading Basket, she told him, when he asked what "I do for her, why is he so special, etc..." I don't understand. Not talking about H, talking about your kids and how they would see you knowing the full truth? Just wondering if this is a concern?
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