ExMM's "Friend" is after me...

[Suny1]

My exMM used this guy's phone to call me one day when we were meeting to tell me he was going to be late. MM took a pic of me that day and showed the friend the next day and he immediately started texting me. I asked him if MM knew he was trying to talk to me and he said no. I messaged him back a couple times, showing no interest in talking to him at all. A few days later he texts me and tells me he is on vacation and that I should come and meet him.. It was flattering that he was interested in me but I said no of course. I told MM he was texting me and he got really upset about it. This friend was covering for MM sometimes when we would meet. So... right off I assumed we shouldn't trust him.

 

A few days went by and the friend began texting me again...wanting to talk and get to know me... sheesh... so I talk to him alil bit. He starts telling me that MM is not good for me and wasn't ever going to leave his wife and wanted me to meet up with him to discuss the situation. I of course didn't want to hear all this and told him that we couldn't talk anymore. Again, told MM and he told this guy to never try to talk to me again. The guy finally leaves me alone and I didn't talk to him again until D-Day.

 

This time he is coming across as a *comforting friend that just wants to be there for me through the *hurt. I needed someone to talk to and knowing that I would get info about MM, we kept talking. The friend was always throwing in that I should have met him ... blah blah... and he was flirting while I was crying. I didn't want to be mean to him since he was the only way I had to know what was going on with MM. He tells me that he tried to warn me about MM and that he is just a liar and cheater and was using me all this time. Well... I knew what the *man talk they had been having was all about, and I didn't want to see that he could be right about MM... because all he wanted was to meet me. He however also said that he *read MM as soon as he met him...and he wasn't a good guy. So I don't know if we can call him a *friend... just a coworker.

 

Since I have gone NC with MM. I still talk to the guy. He has been very sweet and understanding of my feelings, yet all the while asking to see me. I try not to ask anything about MM anymore... but yesterday he tells me that he is making MM crazy by telling him that I am going to meet him,etc. So, naturally I want to know what MM is saying about it. MM says that I would stop talking to the friend in a min if MM would want to see me. MM tells this guy that I will always love him and he would never be able to have me. haha...I ask if they have a *bet on this because it must be getting ridiculous between them.

 

I just need some insight on what I should do about this guy. I would never go back to MM unless he was divorced... but it really *rips my heart out everytime I hear something about him. Do you think this guy is really interested in me or just wants to slam it in MM's face that he could get me to meet him? Am thinking MM told him way too much about me and he really is interested. I can't even think of being with someone else right now and I don't want to be mean to this guy because he was mostly right about the things he told me about MM. Just a weird situation I am in now and wanted to share and get some feedback on it.

Thanks for letting me vent.

[Suny1]

I should also add... that since my first post.... my H and I have separated and we are going to remain as friends.

[Shades of Grey]

Hi Suny,

 

Is MM's friend single?

[frannie]

I just need some insight on what I should do about this guy. I would never go back to MM unless he was divorced... but it really *rips my heart out everytime I hear something about him. Do you think this guy is really interested in me or just wants to slam it in MM's face that he could get me to meet him? Am thinking MM told him way too much about me and he really is interested. I can't even think of being with someone else right now and I don't want to be mean to this guy because he was mostly right about the things he told me about MM. Just a weird situation I am in now and wanted to share and get some feedback on it.

 

Are you interested in him? You say not. So why not just tell him how you feel? No need to be mean to him.

 

Are you separated from your husband now, and intending on divorce? If so, wouldn't a fresh start away from MM and everyone who knows him (if possible) be the best option?

[ICallsEmAsISeesEm]

This is not going to be too flattering, but I think the guy just sees you as an easy mark. He knew you were fooling around with his married friend and it appears he wants in on the "action." I wouldn't be flattered by it at all.

[FearNoMore]

ICallsEmAsISeesEm is right - he sees you as an easy lay seeing that you are 'dating' a MM. Don't be surprise how easy some OW are and that men see them as just that.. easy.

 

If MM cares so much for you, why hasn't he said a word to the 'friend'?

[Suny1]

Yes, a fresh start might be nice.. however, I was also thinking maybe he thought I might be *easy also. Thus, what I was saying about MM saying too much about our relationship to him. This guy has been nothing but nice to me. I am not ready for any kind of relationship, considering what I have recently went through.

MM has been saying stuff to him... he doesn't want him to talk to me. Told him not to get attached to me incase he decides he wants me back LOL!!! So, I really don't know whats going on in the MM's mind... just jealousy I suppose.

This guy says he can't stand MM for doing what he did to me... Maybe I just don't trust anyone right now.

[Suny1]

Yes SOG, Friend is single. Has 3 boys at home that he raises alone.

So, I believe he is a good guy somehow... just making me alil nervous yanno?

[Owl]

I'd agree that he likely sees you as an "easy mark".

 

Some guys aren't good with subtle hints.

 

Tell him point blank that you're not interested in ANY kind of relationship with him (if you're not, of course). Otherwise, you're likely going to be in a 'friendship' with someone who'll continuously push you for more.

 

Just something to think about.

[Suny1]

Ahhh.... the wise Owl speaks!

I just texted the guy and told him .... "Thanks for being so nice to me but I am just not interested in any kind of relationship right now and need to get my priorities in order. Hope you can understand that."

 

Haven't heard anything back yet.. LOL!!

Guess he was wanting in my pants thinking I might be rebounding or vunerable to sympathy.

 

Now..... as for that... it will also completely cut out all contact with MM. Can see MM shaking his head, saying how right he was... but if he happens to get divorced.. ha! I did the right thing.

Thanks for all the input.

[serial muse]

I know how tempting it is to keep contact with a source of information about an ex, when you aren't talking to the ex himself. Of course you want info.

 

But think about it. You say you're in NC. But you're not, really. You're still getting information about him through this other guy - in fact, you're almost having a conversation with your exMM through him!

 

I say go NC with BOTH of them. Whether or not they've got a bet about you, what they've got is a pissing contest, and NONE of it is any good for you. Nice? How is it nice to take advantage of someone's hurt to try to move in? This guy isn't nice. He wants something. I'm sorry to be blunt, but they're both a couple of wolves, and you're trying to heal.

 

Dump them both, ignore any future texts or requests to meet, and move on in peace.

[PLAYBRAT]

Hi Suny...

 

I think first of all it's pretty tacky of this guy to start texting you and hitting on you...KNOWING you were seeing the MM...REGARDLESS of the affair..it STILL was out of line. Period.

 

Second...this guy should not be talking about the MM with you.It's none of his business really, and hearing anything about the MM is only rubbing salt in your wounds.

 

I know you say he's being sweet...but a guy who moves in on another guys "g/f' has no respect at all.

 

I can;t say what the guys motivation is obviously...but as another poster said...he could see you as an easy mark....and playing up to your

emotions about the affair...how "wrong the mm was for you etc seems to be his way "in" with you right now.

 

If you met this guy randomly....and there was NO associations or ties with the MM...would you even consider dating him? If not .then there's your answer.

 

If it were me...I'd simply change my number and be done with it all..But that's just me.

[Shades of Grey]

Hi Suny,

 

Whether he's a nice guy or not (and i'd hope that not every guy in the world is judgemental enough to see OW as easy) I think it's right that you stay away.

 

You're understandably very vulnerable right now and whilst it's tempting to react to any potential source of comfort this man clearly wants more than just to be a comfort to you and he should respect that it's wrong for him to move in on you in your position whether his interest is genuine or not.

 

Added to that the fact that indirectly you're not able to go completely NC with MM with his friend in your life it's a recipe for disaster. You're always going to be reacting to any information he intentionally or inadvertantly gives you or subconciously looking for answers through him and you're just dragging out your ability to move on.

 

He has his own agenda and you need to concentrate on healing. You've done the right thing by sending the text - be strong and all the best with your fresh start x

[White Flower]

This story reminds of me Jason Alexander's character in Pretty Woman. He meets Julia Roberts and thinks she's an easy mark because she is paid to have sex with Richard Gere. Jason Alexander thinks she likes it and wants it with him. He was so creepy in that role. Don't let this guy think you're an easy mark.

 

Even if you liked him and found he was a good guy, he would always (probably) look at you as a cheater.

 

Good luck Suny!

[stillafool]

This is not going to be too flattering, but I think the guy just sees you as an easy mark. He knew you were fooling around with his married friend and it appears he wants in on the "action." I wouldn't be flattered by it at all.

 

Unfortunately I have to agree. I worked with a woman who was seeing a MM and his friend tried to get to know her in a special way also. When she refused him he came right out and said "well you f**ked him what's wrong with me"?

 

I wouldn't be too flattered even if my single BF's friend came on to me. It would show he had little respect for my BF and even less for me. I didn't read this entire thread but I hope you put this guy in his place and taught him not to treat you like a wh*re.

[stillafool]

If MM cares so much for you, why hasn't he said a word to the 'friend'?

 

I have to agree with this also. If the MM cared about you he would tell his friend to back off - that you are not that kind of girl.

[Suny1]

Thanks alot everybody!! I'm smiling!!

Well... here is the reason I wanted some input on that..

I also thought my MM was a *good guy....and I have always thought

that I am pretty good at reading people. I am a hairdresser... so I have seen all kinds yanno??? lol

Anyways... for some reason... I thought OMG!!! How could I have been soooo wrong about my MM??? Let me say this... I had no intentions of having anything to do with this guy.. but somehow ....even tho.. I have to admit I was wanting to know at first what was going on with MM... but this guy didn't want me asking. So I stopped asking.. all along thinking... I have nothing other than MM to talk to this guy about.. and Yes, frannie... the *up and down emotions whenever I talked to him...so that was bad in itself.. Butttt I thought wow... if I was sooo wrong about my MM... maybe I have lost my way of *reading people..

I know I was addicted to the *feeling of what MM and I had. I wanted it to be real so much that I went over my *reading him. sighhh...

 

But I am doing much better now.. And I agree totally with everything that's been posted.

Thanks again!!!

[Suny1]

MM did tell him when he first text me... never to talk to me again. lol..

He is still telling him to leave me alone... last time I know he said that to this guy.. was yesterday. Its partly my fault for just talking to the guy after D_Day. But...needless to say... its all about Live & Learn right?

Here we go... for some REAL NC...

[Chrome Barracuda]

First you was married, then seperated because of this thing with a MM, then you go NC with the MM, then you start an emotional affair with his friend?

 

Do you love drama or just need attention because if anything why dont you take yourself out of the situation? I mean if you sleep with the new guy and he goes back to the MM and tells him, they gonna say: Damn I nailed her too and the coochie was so good, you was right man.

 

Trust me, for some reason I think that's gonna exactly happen.

 

You need serious counciling. Ask your self why are you dealing with a married man in the first place. and then ask yourself if the wife came to see you with a gun in her hand you would be so quick to go after someone who isnt yours.

[Suny1]

I Love that movie White Flower!! heh

And thanks! I am slowlyyy moving along..

[Suny1]

Why oh why couldn't I get her first to say... CB... please don't come be mean to me! lol...

 

I am not having an emotional affair with this friend.. have only talked to him for a couple weeks now.. I just wanted to see if people thought maybe same as I was thinking.. so reading these posts .. I see that I was right. I am not seeing the MM... and I am not getting divorced because of MM. I have been with my H more than 17 yrs.. so I knew what I was getting into ..altho at first didn't know MM was married. Therefore... I am not going to counseling and I am not out of control.

 

I was asking for some insight.. so .. you let me *see it .. the way you *see it.. so .. thank you.

[Chrome Barracuda]

Why oh why couldn't I get her first to say... CB... please don't come be mean to me! lol...

 

I am not having an emotional affair with this friend.. have only talked to him for a couple weeks now.. I just wanted to see if people thought maybe same as I was thinking.. so reading these posts .. I see that I was right. I am not seeing the MM... and I am not getting divorced because of MM. I have been with my H more than 17 yrs.. so I knew what I was getting into ..altho at first didn't know MM was married. Therefore... I am not going to counseling and I am not out of control.

 

I was asking for some insight.. so .. you let me *see it .. the way you *see it.. so .. thank you.

 

I'm not being mean, but alot of dudes do brag about how many chicks and who they slept with! I'm just being real!

 

So you thought the MM was single? And you thought cheating was okay anyway's...... nice......

 

Anyway's the thing about me is I dont coddle anyone who's in an affair or having one. I have no doubt your a nice person but right now the tone of your posts it's like you are doing things but not seeing how it looks like.

 

From the initial posting your title says is the MM's friend after me?

 

What, do you want him after you? Do you want to be close to him in an attempt to be symbiotically attached to the MM, Do you wish to hurt this married man by being around his friend?

 

Why cant you start fresh with someone new and leave the madness behind?

[whichwayisup]

DC, she's already ended it with this guy, she sent him a text saying she wasn't interested.

[Suny1]

Today 11:29 AMSuny1

{Ahhh.... the wise Owl speaks!

I just texted the guy and told him .... "Thanks for being so nice to me but I am just not interested in any kind of relationship right now and need to get my priorities in order. Hope you can understand that."}

 

CB...this ended as of today.. and my other posts tell that hes my exMM... sorry for not making that clear in this thread.

 

BTW... I haven't talked to him today.. My marriage was over before I met MM.. House was forsale... and we had not known each other in years. I am not justifying anything I did. I am just here to post a vent or maybe have a question now and then. This was question this time.

 

Getting an opinion can always make you feel alot better or alot worse..

[Chrome Barracuda]

Today 11:29 AMSuny1

{Ahhh.... the wise Owl speaks!

I just texted the guy and told him .... "Thanks for being so nice to me but I am just not interested in any kind of relationship right now and need to get my priorities in order. Hope you can understand that."}

 

CB...this ended as of today.. and my other posts tell that hes my exMM... sorry for not making that clear in this thread.

 

BTW... I haven't talked to him today.. My marriage was over before I met MM.. House was forsale... and we had not known each other in years. I am not justifying anything I did. I am just here to post a vent or maybe have a question now and then. This was question this time.

 

Getting an opinion can always make you feel alot better or alot worse..

 

OK. no problem.