Being replaced

[FooledOnce]

My ex dumped me after 5.5 years and starting seeing this new guy just two weeks later. She told me she cried all-day every day until she met him. He lives 2 hours away too. Well, so, my ex and I still sorta saw each other after the breakup and got together for sex a couple of times. This guy calls her CONSTANTLY, every 10-15 minutes, it's unreal. He even called her at 5 am when she was sleeping next to me. He doesn't know that I exist but I like the fact that i'm getting it on with his new girlfriend. This whole experience has made me not really want her back (she can have sex with me, roll over and answer a call from him like it's nothing, wtf? I can't marry that!) but i still want them to break up. I want her to go back to being sad and realizing what she's lost in me. I feel like she's met this new guy and she's putting TONS of energy into the new relationship to distract her from the guilt/sadness of breaking up with me. I'm worth more than 12 days of sadness.

[underpants]

I think it speaks badly of you to enable her to cheat...and you enjoyed it. Telling (and ...unattractive).

 

Of course she is not a genuine person. Nor or you.

 

Your attempts to 'reduce' her will, 'reduce' you as well.

 

Your energy would be better spent moving on from an unhealthy person and fixing what you can about yourself.

 

They may break up or stay together. You already know that she is not the 'one' for you. So why focus any longer, or invest any more 'negative' energy in a losing proposition?

[BalancenLuv20]

FooledOnce as much as I'd like to be happy for my ex that she found someone who she is infatuated with right off the bat after we ended it, the fact is I'm not so I see where you are coming from. I also thought it would be cool to still fool around with my ex gf after we ended it, but it is just going to start to hurt more and more. When you want a person to be miserable however and be sad all the time, it's usually about that time that I exit stage left because I realize it's not going to do anything to make things better. Sure there is a part of me that wants the girl to feel sick about me and want me back, but at the same time it is likely she is going to gain less and less interest in you and move on and you are going to start feeling like crap for continuing to pursue her.

 

I'd like to think that I was worth more than a few days of crying like you, but girls are going to look out for what's best for them in the end and could give a rat's ass about your worth. Wish you the best of luck man and I hope you make it through ok because 5.5 years was a long ride so give yourself some time to cope and move on.

[FooledOnce]

Yeah, I hear what you guys are saying. But in my defense, I'm not pursuing or contacting her. It's all her contacting me. She's contacting me for very real reasons, to get her stuff out of our apartment, but if we spend more than 20 minutes together we hop in the sack. Sparks are still flying.

 

It's not that i want her to be miserable, but i would like to think that losing me was a big deal to her. It's not even that she's moved on, it's that she (aparently) was never sad in the first place.

 

I'm not trying to make her cheat on her new guy, but our friends always joked that we couldn't keep our hands off each other and we're still like that. Am I going to stop things because 'it wouldn't be right'? I'm a single 25 year old guy now and it's good sex!

 

This new guy, I don't feel like I owe him anything. I've never met him, but why would I want to make taking my place easier for him? He's hanging out with my old friends, spending Thanksgiving with her family (whom i adore), sleeping with a girl who was mine for almost 6 years. I have no ill wishes towards him, but why sacrifice myself in passing up sex for his benefit?

[polywog]

Ah Fooled,

You're just hanging on. I know all about the good sex with exes. But she has moved on, it seems.... At this point, it is feeding your ego, and believe me I Understand! Don't giver her the satisfaction of your bod and great sex. Take a deep breath, and get away from her.

 

It will suck and be hard, but you'll heal from her and some other woman, more worthy, will have a chance, and more importantly, You'll have an opportunity to be with someone who appreciates you.

[underpants]

She hasn't begun to feel the loss. She can have you whenever she wants to.

 

It is not that you owe the new guy anything. I think it is about what you owe yourself. As a party to cheating I would label you a cheater yourself (but that is my view).

 

why sacrifice myself in passing up sex for his benefit?

 

The funny thing is. I have met guys that are clearly still involved with an ex on some level. Even if they persue me I just can't go there with someone who is still invested in someone else. So, you might be sacrificing more then you realize for the sake of casual sex with someone who is a proven cheater. You might be flagged that 'cute guy with ex issues' and miss opportunities with potentially good partners.

 

I am sorry that you invested such a long time with someone who had such little consideration for the relationship. At least you didn't marry her. Continuing to see her is playing with fire...on many levels.

 

Good luck dude.

[FooledOnce]

You guys rule. Support and advice. I think when we post here, most of us are looking for support but ask for/get advice. Thanks everyone. I'd fill you in on the details of tonight (she came over) but I'm not sure of what just happened so I need to take a couple of days to digest it all. Thanks again guys!