carolinaboy Posted December 4, 2007 Posted December 4, 2007 I get a phone call and email from my ex, asking if we can hang out since we've gone NC for the last five months. I had avoided her since she broke up with me and started sleeping with our roommate (in the same house). Our phone talk was nice and the NC has helped me get some self awareness/respect. She says shes in town workin down at the old coffee shop and if I want to see her to come by. So last night I go and it is not as bad as I thought. She tells me the roommate has a new gf and that they are just "really good friends" now. While we are talking, he calls her at work from California. She gets off the phone and tells me that if her and I are to be friends, I have to expect stuff like that. She shows me a tattoo that one of his friends gave her. She's smoking his brand of cigarettes, she's saying catchphrases he says. All of this is offputting, but helps me remember what I've gleaned on here and to be myself but not overly nice. I shouldve gotten the hint.... So when she gets off of work I tell her some friends are going to play pool, did she want to come? She comes and we play and it's fun and flirty (mistake...). Some friends are going down the street to hang out and I ask her if she wants to come to that as well. We get outside of the driveway and she tells me that she wants to tell me her side of what happened with the guy. This is where it all goes downhill....she says she hooked up with him before he moved in and that she tried to "tell me" that it wasnt a good idea to let him move in. HER SISTER AND HER ASKED ME REPEATEDLY IF HE COULD!!! how am I supposed to read into her asking me if I think it's a good idea when shes asking me to let him move in? So then she admits she slept with him at my house while she was trying to find a place to stay immediately after the breakup. I had guessed all of this already kind of but she denied it, so I just said I wasnt stupid to their attraction and I didnt care anymore(obviously a lie). Then out of nowhere we start kissing!!!!??!?!?! WTF? It actually gets worse. She declines to come in and drops me off. I have to be in her town which is the next over for a job interview the next day at 10 am and its already five. I drive home and I cant sleep. Somehow in my mind I think that b/c we kissed and had this night and cos her and ex roommate arent dating that I could at the very least crash in her bed, no sex, just talk. WRONG IDEA! I'm sure I came off weird and desperate, but I just felt like seeing her. So I get there, she lets me in and we start to go to sleep and then she says its not conducive to the breakup to sleep in the same bed. I try to go to sleep out on the couch before the job interview but I cant. Her house is a tiny shrine to this guy. His bands records and flyers are on the wall and pics of her and him on her fridge. Then I realized. They do have a better connection. Maybe my feelings for her are infinitely one sided. I have to let go. She just wants me as a friend to move on completely herself. I've just been tore up b/c all the intimacy and mutual affection I wanted from her shes giving to him. I have to find someone someday that will do that for me. Shes not the one. I feel like an idiot, but now I can say, NC is best for me until I move on. Its the electric fence rule. Dont keep touching it if you get shocked.
cant let go Posted December 5, 2007 Posted December 5, 2007 wow. thanks for posting. i really don't have a reply but i appreciated reading your story and wanted to say so. i hope this is a good turning point for you. take care hun.
MrMichael Posted December 5, 2007 Posted December 5, 2007 Its the electric fence rule. Dont keep touching it if you get shocked. wow, you helpe me out bro, every time I have texted my x, i get nasty reply or "shocked" as u put it...i think i will stop that
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