Jilly Bean Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 Try to gear topics away from areas of professional accomplishment and things in that area. Try to get him to focus more on the person behind the man. Or creating those intimate jokes that no one else knows what you two are talking about. Would you say you are more advanced in your area than he is in his? I'm wondering if that could be the source of this. It's definitely not something you ever want to confront head on, you could destroy him without meaning to. I think that's very good advice. I had a friend years ago who was SO wrapped up in his career, that when we were out socially, and he would meet, say a cab driver, he would introduce himself as John Smith, Director of Sales of XYZ co. I told him he was being absurd - and why the over-defining?
Florida Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 I think that's very good advice. I had a friend years ago who was SO wrapped up in his career, that when we were out socially, and he would meet, say a cab driver, he would introduce himself as John Smith, Director of Sales of XYZ co. I told him he was being absurd - and why the over-defining? Isn't is so odd when you can so clearly see what someone's weakness is, that huge gap of how they see themself vs how they are coming off to others? And they are so painfully unaware of how obvious it is? Like you just want to shake them and say "snap out of it man!" everyone knows-everyone! So just quit it and just be yourself! But that never works. The shaking of them. Nor the trying to make them see.
Author maynicholas Posted December 13, 2007 Author Posted December 13, 2007 I actually have already confronted this head on with him. He says I'm wrong about him and I am only seeing what I want to see. Maybe I am. I just can't seem to see anything else because when the topic rolls around- which it always does- I remind him that he is the one who says people tell him he comes off as having a big ego- and that I am trying to help him see things objectively, so he can see why they might say that. He says I have had him pegged as a certain way from day one and he isn't the person I think he is- but he spends most of his time justifying why he thinks the way he does about himself. I really do want to know the man. I just can't seem to steer the conversation away from his accomplishments. Once I even said- hey let's try something else. Let's talk about me. We did for a second, but since I am not seeking his approval for what I've done, the conversation didn't last long and went right back to him. He did however spend a considerable amount of time inquiring about my last boyfriend- to which I finally has to ask him to stop because I no longer care to associate myself with the memories of those days, since I had already spent too long wasting my energy on disecting that relationship.
Author maynicholas Posted December 13, 2007 Author Posted December 13, 2007 Any more thoughts please?
Jilly Bean Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 Besides the fact that he is very insecure and clearly likes to perseverate? It really comes down to if you want to be around him. He seems pretty steeped in denial, so I think any in-roads would be slow in coming. Either you accept him as he is, or move on.
Florida Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 What JB said. I would only caution to not expect change-this is who he is-can you accept him or will it get more annoying over time? But assume he won't change, or realize anything, or show a different side of himself. This is who he is.
Author maynicholas Posted December 13, 2007 Author Posted December 13, 2007 Well, I guess worst case scenario is I stick around and learn more about about how other people behave- myself included- and continue to date others (if anyone shows interest) in the meantime. It is nice to have some male companionship (and sex ) for a little while.
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