sb129 Posted December 4, 2007 Posted December 4, 2007 I doubt it. He's probably still freaking out about all his issues (imagine what his SUV smells like right now!! and how that poor dog must be whimpering in his ear), and when he's in a calmer place this evening, he'll call you and be able to talk with less stress and trauma. None of us are perfect under stress and pressure, and he's probably kicking himself for making you feel bad today. I agree. I liked NJs analogy about putting yourself into his shoes, and having a million things to do, three big zits etc etc. The other day, WB came home from work sick on my day off. Don't get me wrong, I was happy that he was there with me (albeit under yucky snotty conditions) but his sick presence totally threw my "List of Things to Do on Day Off" out. (I feel guilty for even writing this) I didn't get it all done because some of it was stuff I needed to do in the room where he was sleeping etc, and I felt annoyed and simultaneously guilty at the same time.
sb129 Posted December 4, 2007 Posted December 4, 2007 That's cuz I react the exact same way to disappointment! But, can I be big-sis Norajane? I'm too young to be an Aunty to Star... I am an Aunty to Star and I am only one year older than her.... but if you want to be Big Sis thats cool. I react the same way too, and if I am stressed, sometimes all I want is to see WB. But if I have lots to do, sometimes all I want is to get the stuff DONE so then I don't have to stress about it anymore. In fact, I know its one of my traits that WB finds frustrating sometimes. EG I can't leave the kitchen in a mess. I have to clean it BEFORE I watch TV. He can leave it for hours. Silly example I know, but an example nonetheless.
norajane Posted December 4, 2007 Posted December 4, 2007 When I'm upset - with work, with a friend, with anything - just the thought of seeing him that day/night puts me in a better mood. When I'm stressed, I want to be closer to him, not farther away. He seems to feel the opposite. Are men and women wired differently in this regard? When I'm feeling like crap and have a million demands on me and my time, I prefer not to see a bf even if he is someone I generally turn to for support and seeing him always makes me feel better. I'd rather deal with my stuff, and then see him when the storm has passed a little. Otherwise I can't enjoy the time we have together.
Author Star Gazer Posted December 4, 2007 Author Posted December 4, 2007 I am an Aunty to Star and I am only one year older than her.... but if you want to be Big Sis thats cool. I react the same way too, and if I am stressed, sometimes all I want is to see WB. But if I have lots to do, sometimes all I want is to get the stuff DONE so then I don't have to stress about it anymore. In fact, I know its one of my traits that WB finds frustrating sometimes. EG I can't leave the kitchen in a mess. I have to clean it BEFORE I watch TV. He can leave it for hours. Silly example I know, but an example nonetheless. I my Auntie SB. You and BF (and me and WB) are exactly alike in your example above. BF needs to get stuff DONE before he can relax. I figure the dishes will still be there later.
Art_Critic Posted December 4, 2007 Posted December 4, 2007 My concern is that HE is turning it into a make-it or break-it thing. Stop it !!! Unless he says he wants to breakup then it is just stress and emotion.. let some time pass, Don't ask him about tonight and don't push him away. He asked for a bit of space then you give him a bit of space... He said he wanted to see you but he is all stressed out.. Calm down and plan something else to take up your time for a while other than him.. He will come on back to you and it will be okay..
sb129 Posted December 4, 2007 Posted December 4, 2007 I my Auntie SB. You and BF (and me and WB) are exactly alike in your example above. BF needs to get stuff DONE before he can relax. I figure the dishes will still be there later. u too. See? You answered your own question! He is getting the stuff DONE!
Author Star Gazer Posted December 4, 2007 Author Posted December 4, 2007 I feel like I just got b*tch slapped by Uncle A_C! Things are all better. He called to tell me his status with work, and I immediately offered tomorrow night instead. He responded with a huge sigh of relief and said, "Would you mind? I was thinking we could go to [the restaurant I last mentioned] tomorrow and have ourselves a nice, relaxing evening together. I feel selfish, but SG's BF needs time alone with SG's BF, ya know?" I know. I totally get it. I even explained to him that as much as I love spending time with him, sometimes I long for my own empty fluffy bed. I just translated his "I need a little space from you today" literally to mean "space from YOU, SG!" when all he needed was a little alone time, from everyone and everything, to just be with himself. I just like him a whole lot, if you can't tell...
norajane Posted December 4, 2007 Posted December 4, 2007 I feel like I just got b*tch slapped by Uncle A_C! Things are all better. He called to tell me his status with work, and I immediately offered tomorrow night instead. He responded with a huge sigh of relief and said, "Would you mind? I was thinking we could go to [the restaurant I last mentioned] tomorrow and have ourselves a nice, relaxing evening together. I feel selfish, but SG's BF needs time alone with SG's BF, ya know?" I know. I totally get it. I even explained to him that as much as I love spending time with him, sometimes I long for my own empty fluffy bed. I just translated his "I need a little space from you today" literally to mean "space from YOU, SG!" when all he needed was a little alone time, from everyone and everything, to just be with himself. I just like him a whole lot, if you can't tell... I just can't resist a (happy), I TOLD YOU SO!!! :bunny:
Author Star Gazer Posted December 4, 2007 Author Posted December 4, 2007 I just can't resist a (happy), I TOLD YOU SO!!! :bunny: I have to thank you, NJ. If not for you, I would have called and/or texted him (to say the very same thing), but I think him being able to call me on his own time and get the same response really helped. I even copied parts of what you told me down as notes to refer to when we were talking!
shadowplay Posted December 4, 2007 Posted December 4, 2007 I feel like I just got b*tch slapped by Uncle A_C! Things are all better. He called to tell me his status with work, and I immediately offered tomorrow night instead. He responded with a huge sigh of relief and said, "Would you mind? I was thinking we could go to [the restaurant I last mentioned] tomorrow and have ourselves a nice, relaxing evening together. I feel selfish, but SG's BF needs time alone with SG's BF, ya know?" I know. I totally get it. I even explained to him that as much as I love spending time with him, sometimes I long for my own empty fluffy bed. I just translated his "I need a little space from you today" literally to mean "space from YOU, SG!" when all he needed was a little alone time, from everyone and everything, to just be with himself. I just like him a whole lot, if you can't tell... Congrats, you handled the situation very well!
Kamille Posted December 5, 2007 Posted December 5, 2007 Late arrival on the scene but go LS team! And NJ that was amazing advice! I'm glad you're feeling better Star.
johan Posted December 5, 2007 Posted December 5, 2007 One thing you might consider is going off of birth control without telling him. Then sooner or later "space" won't be a real big concern for either of you. It's difficult, I know, but it's still smart to harden your heart when you're in a new relationship with someone. It takes time to get to the point where you can be secure and things like this can be taken at face value.
Touche Posted December 5, 2007 Posted December 5, 2007 Wise words from Johan on those last two sentences. Also, NJ and Melody (among others) gave absolutely great advice. Not much I can add. Don't ever act desperate, Star. You're too good for that. This guy obviously knows a good thing when he has it. You don't have to worry. No one is perfect all the time. Hell, even after you're married, you will need a little space from each other sometimes...yep, it's true. Everyone knows how much I love my sweet H. But sometimes, I escape to another room for my time alone and so does he. It's fine. We always come back together and reconnect. It's the same during courtship. This is a time to see if you can be compatible on a long-term basis. And it very well sounds like you two just might be.
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