OverNow Posted December 4, 2007 Posted December 4, 2007 Hey guys, I feel a bit strange posting this. After 2 years, my gf and I are done. We've not broken up yet, but I'm sure thats where we're headed after talks. I have not broken down like a crying mess, and will not do so. We still talk everyday for a bit, yet I think she feels indifferent towards me and I myself have felt similarly a few months ago. It sucks though that I recently got off this "indifference low" and now shes headed into it, so atm I feel quite hurt. I find it quite hard to accept that its over, yet somehow I know that I must accept it. The tough thing is, its so incredibly difficult, knowing that if i stay away from her for awhile, she'll miss me heaps and sniff around(we've been through this before). I want to know...what can I do to pass the time least painfully, and what can i do to try and tell my heart clearly that its over, so as to not give it a rude shock if we dont end up getting back together. Please reply. I feel like everytime someone says something about this to me, I feel a slight bit better...
MrMichael Posted December 4, 2007 Posted December 4, 2007 do what im forced to do bro.....move on, untangle and forget her as best as you can......all items,keepsakes,music,mementos,pictures,clothing, anything from her or of her, you need to box up and stash or simply get rid of, this will be extremely hard, but it quickens the process, >easier said than done, i am dealing with this as we speak.....out of sight out of mind Love is a battlefield > if you know its over, you need to do whatever you can to stay positive
Author OverNow Posted December 4, 2007 Author Posted December 4, 2007 I'm pretty good at that kinda stuff.. Removing anything that reminds me of her from my sight. Blocked+Deleted on her MSN 2 weeks ago when I had an inkling that this would happen. The toughest part is, I can't be sure its over. And one thing I can't get rid of, is my memory of her phone number. I can delete it from my records, but I cant from my mind.
kymberann Posted December 4, 2007 Posted December 4, 2007 I am struggling with this too! This has been a difficult time. I go between feeling hurt, rejected and anger. I do a lot of writing and remind myself how selfish this ex is that he was willing to give me up in order to stay or not change the chaos that he is in now!
franny_s Posted December 5, 2007 Posted December 5, 2007 Sorry to hear that. Don't shut off your emotions, they are going nowhere. I think a good cry sometimes is cleansing and makes you feel better. After moping around for weeks about my ex I've started to get busy again, seeing friends and family and finally answering the phone It's good to keep distracted and I'm feeling better and less angry everyday. It's their loss isn't it
Author OverNow Posted December 5, 2007 Author Posted December 5, 2007 I guess mine's a little different. She's a very nice girl who takes my feelings into account 99% of the time, so its so hard.>_<
cant let go Posted December 5, 2007 Posted December 5, 2007 i'm really not so sure that it needs to be over based on what you have wrote. what are the reasons that you are breaking up? if you don't actually want to, why does she? does she have the same doubts that you do? i really hate to see people just give up on someone that they love because they are going through a confused time.
Author OverNow Posted December 5, 2007 Author Posted December 5, 2007 To be honest, I think she's a little stubborn. I'm quite prepared to stick through things, for awhile and try to work it out, but she says that she isn't prepared to spend so much time on "fixing" the relationship whilst she's busy studying in college. I see that as blatant bs(especially from the disinterested way in which she talks to me), and I just take it as a sign that she's not attracted to me anymore, or at least far less. I believe that if I leave her be, she'll come back to me, but I don't need that thought in my head right now. I need to believe that its over completely, which would make my necessary course of action clear but **** is that ever so hard...
cant let go Posted December 5, 2007 Posted December 5, 2007 ahh, i see now. my ex didn't want to work on things either. he subscribes to the bs that when you find the right person everything will be easy, you will like all the same things and agree on everything and never fight. eh, whatever. accepting that things are over is the hardest part of the breakup. it's also one of the more advanced stages of the break up. acceptance is what keeps you from being angry and bitter and helps you to see that there is a purpose for all of this. best of luck. my advice: talk to God if you believe in him or search for some other spiritual guidance. surrender goes hand in hand with acceptance. i tell you, i have accepted that we aren't together and that there is nothing i can do to get him back. but dammit if i can't let go of that stupid seed of hope deep down within me that keeps nagging on my heart that one day...maybe.
Author OverNow Posted December 5, 2007 Author Posted December 5, 2007 I'd probably consider myself atheist, but I find that searching for a greater being and knowing there may be one is very comforting. Anyway, thanks for the responses guys, and I hope you are all coping okay. cant_let_go, I totally understand your frustration, but unfortunately logic never wins out and no amount of it will convince the ex to give the fixing a go... At least you sound like you are well on your way to getting over him. Keep your head up. In fact, it seems like everyone who's replied in this thread has made good inroads towards recovery, which is always promising.
alwayshurt Posted December 5, 2007 Posted December 5, 2007 To be honest, I think she's a little stubborn. I'm quite prepared to stick through things, for awhile and try to work it out, but she says that she isn't prepared to spend so much time on "fixing" the relationship whilst she's busy studying in college. I see that as blatant bs(especially from the disinterested way in which she talks to me), and I just take it as a sign that she's not attracted to me anymore, or at least far less. I believe that if I leave her be, she'll come back to me, but I don't need that thought in my head right now. I need to believe that its over completely, which would make my necessary course of action clear but **** is that ever so hard... you are not sure that she wants to break up although it could really happen. Just prepare for the worse and hope for the best. If she has decided to break up there is very little you can do. When (and if) she does say the words tell her that u understand and that u are sorry. Don't beg, don't say I love u, don't be emotional. Just walk away and try to move on. She may rethink she may not. But 2 years is long time to erase it just like that.....hang in there.
CaliGuy Posted December 5, 2007 Posted December 5, 2007 What to do: Dive into new hobbies. Hang out with friends. Work out every day for at least an hour. Focus on self improvement. What not to do: Mope around the house. Drink/do drugs. Hang out/talk to her family. Gossip/talk about the ex too much. Best of luck.
Author OverNow Posted December 7, 2007 Author Posted December 7, 2007 Well, its over now. I decided to end it cause it was inevitable, so in a way, I'm the dumper. I'm dealing with it quite a bit better than I thought I would. Can someone tell me, what does "self-improvement" entail? Sorry for my stupidity, but it seems a bit vague. Does anyone have advice on how to deal with NC?
Author OverNow Posted December 7, 2007 Author Posted December 7, 2007 Oh..and just curious, if we drink a little to ease the pain, is that bad? Nowhere near enough to get drunk...
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