lovinlife432 Posted December 4, 2007 Posted December 4, 2007 UGH! After just ending a late-night pointless argument with my high-as-hell boyfriend I've decided to seek help. I'm new around here but I'm just looking for others to chat with/relate. I absolutely adore my boyfriend, he's a wonderful guy and I can't see myself without him. I just have one problem, he's a HUGE pothead. Our relationship has been great, but I must say that by far the best span of time we've had was the 6 months that he stopped smoking. His reason? So that he could get "Really ripped" again. I used to smoke on occasion (have recently stopped altogether though), so I'm not against it, I'm just against it being a way of life for the most important person in my life. When he spends entire days high it starts to get exhausting. I find that when he's high we argue more, and I'm ALWAYS wrong. When he's been sober he's told me that he'd quit whenever I want him to. But, we got into an argument because apparently I was wrong for telling him that I would appreciate if he weren't high ALL day every day. Especially a majority of the time that we're together. He acts like such a selfish jerk sometimes! He makes me feel like I'm crazy! While he's high he tells me that I need to learn to deal with who he is or move on. That's right, "who he is". I just don't know what to do anymore. I want to be a top priority of his instead of his drugs. He gets irritated by certain things, but when I get irritated by him doing the same things I'm wrong. He just becomes such a hipocrit and DOESN'T SEE IT AT ALL. Like I said, I love him dearly, and have never adored someone like I have him. I just love the him that isn't baked 24/7. It's sad to say, I wouldn't even mind if he smoked everday, just so long as it weren't all day... Any insight? P.S. Apologies for rambling!
lovelorcet Posted December 4, 2007 Posted December 4, 2007 Tell him that his smoking is starting to kill your relationship and you are getting sick of it.
Author lovinlife432 Posted December 4, 2007 Author Posted December 4, 2007 Tell him that his smoking is starting to kill your relationship and you are getting sick of it. Thanks for the advice, if only it were something new. I've told him on a number of occasions that I hate when he's high all the time, that he acts like a jerk when he's stoned, and that I feel like our relationship is best when he's not smoking. But again, just call me Miss Wrong.
Citizen Erased Posted December 4, 2007 Posted December 4, 2007 Thanks for the advice, if only it were something new. I've told him on a number of occasions that I hate when he's high all the time, that he acts like a jerk when he's stoned, and that I feel like our relationship is best when he's not smoking. But again, just call me Miss Wrong. If he doesn't see it as he has a problem you will possibly never be able to convince him otherwise. He will just resent you for wanting him to give it up. It sucks and you deserve so much better then that, but you need to decide if this problem is something you are able to push aside.
lovelorcet Posted December 4, 2007 Posted December 4, 2007 Maybe you need to think about moving on then. If you have expressed your dismay and he does not respect this what does that tell you?
littlekitty Posted December 4, 2007 Posted December 4, 2007 Personally (and this is just IMO) I've never seen pot seriously change a persons personality in that way. But that's just my experience. Coming from someone who knows (I was a long term daily user), he won't stop until he wants to. Not you, or anyone else trying to tell him to will force him to do it. He has to do it because he wants to, for what ever reasons are good enough for him. But I'm not sure even threating to walk away from him will do it. He may well feel you can't accept him as he is, and allow it to happen - rightly or wrongly. While pot isn't addictive, it is habitual. And that can indeed take on the 'feel' of an addiction. And withdrawal isn't too bad. Mainly anxious feelings, aggitation and short temperedness for a while. Mine lasted maybe 3 months or so. I've been off it now for a year.
spookie Posted December 4, 2007 Posted December 4, 2007 As a long-term pothead I can tell you that many potheads don't think "the way they are" stoned is so different or so wrong that it should be enough for you to leave them. I'll even go further: a lot of potheads know themselves *better* when they are stoned, so it's kind of a stab when your SO tells you she likes you better less real. At least, I can see this being true for me. You won't be able to make your boyfriend quit, unless he wants to. That said, he may grow up (it is a habit of leisure and age brings with it responsibilities). I think you weigh the odds and decide what is and what is not acceptable to you. And what you think he'll be willing to give you.
GuidanceDMS Posted December 4, 2007 Posted December 4, 2007 You think you can be the girl to "change" him into a better man. In your case, you think you can do this by getting him to stop smoking. All I can tell you is, it won't work and you are wasting your time trying to change him. If he acts like a jerk when he does it and then again, if he does it all the time then he must be a jerk most of the time. You don't need that, there are too many nice & wonderful guys out there who would probably jump at the chance of dating you. If he can't stop doing something as immature as smoking weed for you, then obviously he doesn't think of you as highly as you think of him.
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