What is this?

[layercakegal]

Hi all, im sure ive posted something about this before, but ive been going out with my boyfriend for just over 4 months now, and im unsure of what im feeling for him.

 

I can't tell him i love him, because deep down i dont think i do, i was in love with my best friend to the point of infatuation, and this feeling doesnt match that one, so i come to the conclusion that i cant be in love?

 

Everyone says that at first, you want to be together all the time with your new partner. Well i never really did, i wanted to see him sure, and then after a while i began to think i was seeing him too much. But now we're in a LDR, and the few times a month i do get to see him, i jump at the chance because i miss him so much

 

They also say that at first there is a spark that fades but turns to a comfort with the other person. Well i have that comfort, but i dont think there was the spark ever? We were put together by a friend, very forced as we were both incredibly shy (she made us hold hands etc.). (And yeah by the way we're both 19/20 now.)

 

Sometimes i think i am in love with him, because i get all giddy, and think hes perfect, and the one for me, and all this stuff, but i cant tell him i love him because a few hours later ill be back to normal, and i cant tell him i love him because of this uncertainty, i want to be sure before i open my mouth.

 

The problem is, that hes in love with me, and i feel this guilt and pressure to hurry up and be in love with him too.

 

I also had this dream last night that he proposed to me (i think it was him - damn shady dreams) and i said i couldnt, because i couldnt even pluck up the courage to look into his eyes and tell him that i loved him.

 

What am i feeling? Is this just a comfortable love? My heart sometimes goes a bit weird when i see him, and even now im a little thinking about him, but i still cant look into his eyes and tell him i love him, although my friend as a joke tried to look into my eyes and tell me she loved me and i couldnt do it so maybe i just have a problem. I keep wanting to say it to him at the end of phonecalls, but never do because once ive said it im commited to saying it from now on, as i tried that (saying it over the phone) and when it came to saying it to his face, i was like ARGH!

 

Oh god, help me please :(:(

[TRAVEL]

sounds like your all over the place there with those emotions. Just realize that you feeling love for him isn't something you choose to do. You can't "make" yourself love him. Other people can't "make" you love him. And theres no reason you should be feeling pressure to love him too since he loves you. This whole thing is out of your control, its just something you'll feel and know when it happens (if it happens), so its useless trying to put logic to it. Theres nothing wrong with you. The thing you can do is sit down and look at your relationship, i know its LDR so that must be tough. Figure out if thats what you really want right now at this point in your life, your young and this is a good time to build up some dating experience which will also help you learn more about yourself.