3 Months and Still Pain :(

[BalancenLuv20]

Hi everyone. My name is Chris and I am 20. I figure I will be as honest as possible and admit that I was involved with a 16 year old and we went out for close to a year and a half. She was my best friend's sister and was very physically and emotionally mature for a girl her age. We had a romantic makeout session at the park one night that started it all. I suppose at the time I was just looking for attention and affection before I left for college. I made my first stupid mistake by starting to date her and a few weeks later I was stupid enough to tell her I loved her when I definitely didn't. Of course she fell for my romantic pursuit and became infatuated with me, much more than I was of her.

 

I enjoyed spending time with a girl who I knew was genuinely interested in me and could give me what I wanted. She was a standout in every way from looks to personality, but at the same time the fact that she was still quite young in my eyes made it difficult for me to really feel strongly about her. I cheated on her after about a month I think just because I felt uncomfortable about the age diff and wanted to know the feeling of being involved with a girl my age, but to this day I never told her.

 

Our relationship was one of many smiles and kisses and as time went by she began to grow on me. Problem was we had to keep the r-ship a secret which was tough and once I left for college it made things very hard, more so on her than me obviously. The goodbyes after visits were the hardest and she'd cry for nights afterwards and be miserable. We did our best to maintain the long distance thing and as time moved on I wanted to go out with my friends and party and have new experiences, and she would hold it against me if we didn't talk every night or for a certain period of time. She said it killed her inside and she'd cry hysterically about it. However for the most part I still felt I did a good job being there for her and was very patient with her because I had a feeling that our love would continue to grow and once she began to gain a few more years of life experience, it would be the relationship I had always dreamed of.

 

Then my B-Day came and I came home. She was needy and wanted to see me every second which is understandable, but I wanted to see my friends as well in the short time I had at home. Then one night her neediness was driving me to the edge and I almost ended it the night I was going to head back to finish my first year at college. After that day, all the promises I made about our future she felt had vanished and I felt stupid once again for making them(e.g. marriage, kids, etc.).

 

She changed a lot after that and became very unattached to the point it bothered me(Karma is a bitch!!!) Next thing I know I'm without most of my friends at summer school wanting her to be there to talk to on the phone and she wasn't. She found a new group of friends(one of her friends who she'd later end up falling for). We switched roles and I became needy and missed the hell out of her, but I could hear it in her voice and how our convos were becoming less energetic that things between us were going downhill.

 

I came home(for good now actually transferring back to my home college), I tried hard to restore our relationship to the smiles and kisses it once was by doing everything from buying her flowers to writing her deep poems that expressed how I felt about her. She had matured quite a bit from an overall standpoint now and the combination of this and her new attitude made me more attracted than ever to her, but she stopped making sacrifices for me and hardly had time to see me anymore. It just wasn't working and then I made the unfortunate discovery of the Myspace page of this guy who I knew was in her new group of friends. Turns out she wrote him "I love you's" and commented on his page quite often with very provocative comments. I was enraged, called her that night, and ended it.

 

She tried to convince me he was just a longtime close friend, but I didn't buy it. She also said she wanted a second chance, but eventually we met up and agreed to go our separate ways and I wanted no contact with her, but she OF course wanted to still be friends. I gave in thinking by being good to her she would eventually want me back but after a while the pain began to set in. After many ups and downs in our so called friendship, she eventually told me she ACTUALLY was interested in this guy, but that it was only recently. A few weeks later we got in a fight online and she broke the news they were dating. Then the last straw was that I finally saw her myspace profile pic of her kissing her new love interest and I was crushed and cried my eyeballs out, so I told her that I couldn't do the friend thing anymore.

 

It has been 3 months since we've ended it and one month since I last saw her. I wished her a happy t-giving in a phone message and she imd me later telling me it was appreciated and I made hopefully my last stupid mistake and told her I missed her and she was in my thoughts and she basically said she'd be there if i needed her. Crappy feeling because of course I wanted her to reply she missed me too, but truth is I think she is happy and doesn't need me in her life anymore. I feel like I'm headed in the right direction. Spending more time with family, trying to be busy, conversing with girls, working out, reading self improvement books and gaining perspective from other people's breakup stories. You think I would be happy to be single and away from her crap but still... every night I feel that awful pain and knot tighten in my stomach thinking about the fact she's no longer in my life, no longer loves me, and is madly in love with this guy. Thoughts?

[Rowen]

I feel your pain man. My situation is quite different but I am 21 and my ex was 17 when I was dating her (now 18) but very similar in that regard.

 

She left me, and I believe persued another guy. And it hurts me every part of the day because I love this girl and now I don't even know if she ever loved me or ever thinks about me anymore. Stay strong.

 

I'm 2 and a half months in and its manageable now.

 

I'm getting to know a few more girls and have some dates coming up to look forward to which makes it alot easier. But I fear I will never find a girl like that again. She was so into me.

[BalancenLuv20]

Thanks for the reply Rowen I'm glad someone was willing to read my essay haha! Good for you that you have some dates planned ahead. It's not that I haven't had a hard time meeting and conversing with a few new girls, but I always just find out they have bf's and it sort of kills the initial spark I was trying to ignite. I suppose the one thing that might change things will be college starting up in January... time will tell...