MystifiedByMen Posted December 4, 2007 Posted December 4, 2007 Demi Moore Ashoton Kutcher Syndrome I’ve met this guy but I have two problems. 1) He’s (Kevin), 21 and I’m 26 so I feel a little uncomfortable about the age difference. We’ve talked about it and he knows how I feel and yet he thinks it’s a tiny difference. We hang out a couple times a week and he’s very sweet. Started seeing him about one 1.5 months ago. Still haven’t slept together b/c I want to keep emotions in check right now. I think he’s starting to really like me and expressed he wanted to start “dating.” I changed the subject and didn’t give him an answer to buy myself time. A “title” on us makes me nervous because then I’m officially dating a 21 year old. I do enjoy spending time with him and I feel/experience sexual chemistry with him. But, why does this age thing bug me and should it? Also, when it comes to sex and a really young boy, I feel I might be taken advantage of him. I’m sure guys never thought they’d hear that right? All guys I’ve dated at this age are 26-30. 2) I met him through his brother Brian. Brian is my age and always had a thing for me, but I just never felt it. We made out once only because I wanted to really see if there was any kind of connection but there wasn’t on my end. Kevin knows about Brian and I and says he’d trust my friendship with his brother if we did end up together. Brian and I like to golf together and go out for a beer now and then before his brother came along. Would my friendship with Brian have to be limited or non-existent if I decided to be with Kevin? I also feel horrible because Kevin said Brian has been acting weird. When Kevin asked Brian if he wanted to talk about anything, he’d better bring it up now, and Brian was short and didn’t really want to respond.
phyrespryte Posted December 4, 2007 Posted December 4, 2007 1. Guys in their early 20s can sometimes be a little naive. Still full of hope and optimism about their future. So maybe that's why you feel like you're taking advantage of him...you've already gotten past that part of your life. You've been in reality a little longer. I don't really think the age is a big deal. I think perhaps you're bothered that he might be moving too fast for you. Five years is piddly compared to Demi and Ashton. 2. I believe the friendship would be limited to a degree. Mostly because it'd be real awkward for Brian.
Author MystifiedByMen Posted December 4, 2007 Author Posted December 4, 2007 Thanks for your response. Maybe he is moving a little fast for me. I just can't see a guy who is 21 really wanting to be in a relationship. So that is probably my big issue with him. Do you think that's too young or should I move on? This is just very strange for me.
Grrlish Posted December 4, 2007 Posted December 4, 2007 Five years? And you're both over 21? That's not a very big age difference if you like each other and have things in common. Let's see, for me, the biggest age difference that I've had in a relationship (me being the older one) was 18 years. One was 17 years, another 10. Kevin indicated that he'd like to start 'dating' but you don't see a 21 year old guy wanting to be in a relationship? He indicated that he wanted to date. Why wouldn't you take him at face value? When I was 21, I met my then-23 year old boyfriend. We dated for over 8 years. Not sure why you think a 21 year old guy wouldn't want a relationship. No one knows where it will go...ever. Start, or don't but don't ever start a new thing with major expectations. A really young boy?? Girlfriend, you're a really young girl. He's 21, not 15. How in the world would you be taking advantage of him? (Besides, he probably wouldn't mind, you know. ) If you like Kevin, go out with him. If you're embarrassed to be 'seen dating someone that much younger than you', don't do it. And stop dating him because you're leading him on. Sounds like it's up to you to figure out if your friendship with Brian means more to you than checking out a relationship with Kevin. Actually, it's bordering on a little too late, isn't it? If you and Brian are friends, and you're clear about that, then there shouldn't be a problem. If Brian is hanging around you with other expectations, then that's a problem in itself. Again, if you like Kevin, go out with him, but be ready for Brian possibly acting like a big baby and downplaying your friendship for a while. It will be up to you to feed it for a while. Age Difference: Minimal Embarrassed?": Stop now
Author MystifiedByMen Posted December 5, 2007 Author Posted December 5, 2007 Grrlish, Thanks for your reply. I really appreciate your point of view because it eases my reluctance a little bit. One large factor on why I feel uncomfortable is because when my friends meet him, they look at me with disappointment. Then privately say later on that he’s way too young and ask what I’m doing. I guess it’s hard for me to take him at face value when he says he wants to date because I’m used to the idea of guys that age should be out having fun, not settling down. I guess a fear of mine would be that if we became serious, he would realize he’s missing out, and then I get hurt. I’m not embarrassed because I bring him around my friends without even thinking about age until people remind me. I guess the problem is me and trying to trust that he knows what he wants. As for Brian, what we did was almost a year ago. Since then, we’ve hung out like friends countless times golfing, getting a beer, etc.. I want to continue that and hope things wouldn’t get weird. I guess him and I would have to have a talk if me and Kevin dated.
littlepiggy1 Posted December 5, 2007 Posted December 5, 2007 Nah, I don't think there is much of an age difference there. What phyrespryte said is true, that there is probably some naivity or optimism at that age still. It will probably take him a few more years before the weight of the world crushes his youthful hopes and dreams. Hey, it happens to all of us. But I wouldn't sweat it. Oh yeah, and don't worry about what your friends think. I mean, it's not like this guy's still in high school or something. If you're happy, then be happy and don't let anyone else tell you otherwise.
OpenBook Posted December 5, 2007 Posted December 5, 2007 One large factor on why I feel uncomfortable is because when my friends meet him, they look at me with disappointment. Then privately say later on that he’s way too young and ask what I’m doing. Then I think you need to get new friends!! You call that a "friend"?? someone who would be "disappointed" in your choice in BF's?? Yeesh! Who needs it?!??
Author MystifiedByMen Posted December 5, 2007 Author Posted December 5, 2007 Thanks littlepiggy. He's coming over tonight. I'm going to try and get over that feeling and have a nice time just spending time together. Yes, he probably is a little naive and I'd hate to hurt him I feel like I need to be all fragile with him. But, like you guys said, he's an adult so he can take care of himself. humm.. I should maybe start a running blog on here about this, and my other dates. My dating life seems to be getting interesting. lol.. With my ex boyfriends contacting me, this other 22 year old chasing me, and some other crazy experience I had not too long ago- it would be kinda fun to write about it every weekend. It feels good to write about things on here and get advice from you guys.
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