faithe Posted December 4, 2007 Posted December 4, 2007 this is lengthy... my ex and i talked for the first time last night 5 days after we broke up (he moved to another state for a job so we broke the night before)...anyway, he was actually just returning my call since i sent him a message and called him 2 days after he left but he didnt pick up. he apologized and he said he was with his dad and was busy moving and buying stuff. anyway, we talked about general stuff. and i felt like crying the whole time because i miss him so much and we are talking about furnitures and the weather! we didn't talk about anything personal but he would sometime say thing like, "well you hate green though" (we were talking about his couch)...i know that probably does not make any sense to anyone but what i am trying to say here is he still acts as if i matter when he just up and left me. he even slipped and called me hunny but i did not say anything. after about an hour of talking about things that really don't matter we hung up and i sobbed and sobbed because it felt like he still loves me and i cannot accept the fact that we broke up. i dont know if this is true for anyone else but the only way i can move on completely is if he tells me that being broken up is what he really wants...so i got up the courage to text him. i did not want to call because i might not be able to say to him what i want to say because im pretty sure im going to cry. here's our message exchange: me: Here goes...i miss u so much. i haven't stopped crying since u left. i hate being like this but it is what it is. i still love u. but if being not with me is something that u want then pls tell me. i just want u 2 b honest and tell it to me straight. i cant hurt more than im hurting now. him: i do want to be with u. how would this work though? me: i didn't expect u to say that... it takes 2 people to make a relationship work. i cant do it by myself. i know me and what i can do to make it work but what about u? im laying out all my cards on the table for u. u told me before u left that u dont know if u love me enough to make this work and that really broke my heart. i thought that was your way of telling me that we are over. that u didnt want me in your life anymore. dont give me any hope if you know there's none. him: i dont know what to say. u came to __(State) with a boyfriend and u broke up after a while. i dont want the same to happen. i dont want to give u false hope. i just dont know where u or i will be in a year and i wonder if we wont be back in this same situation me: didn;t u break up with your last gf coz u had to move to __(State)? i guess we both have patterns here. i just thought that when i met u that there might actualy be a future that goes beyond school. i guess i was wrong. u shouldnt have strung me along or at least u could have told me all these early on instead of waiting for me to ask u at the last moment. anyway, thanks for being hinest now. i needed to hear it so i can hopefully get over this and give myself some closure. i will consider this as your bday gift to me. (yes it is my bday but it is far from happy) him: what would it take to make this work? i didnt want to break up. i guess i was just scared that it might not work and we would drift apart. i wasn't stringing u along. what do you think we should do? me: as i said, it will take effort from u and me to make this work. i cant do it alone. i can come up with 1001 ways to do it but im worried if u are even going to be into it as i would be. i have the same fears as u, probably more. im scared that when things get rough, u might bail out on me and i will be left in te cold again...u know yourself better. u should be able to know in your heart what u are capable of. u can trust me, can i trust u? i really love u that why i want to make it work, do u really love me? we have to be able to talk openly about things like this and that means u have to share everything with me voluntarily...i feel u have opened up to me more now than u ever did in the past. i have to be included in your life. im not just an accessory or a toy. are u willing to do all these for me? for us? think about it hard. u dont have to answer right now. lets talk on the phone later tonight. the continuation hasn't happened yet. it scares me that i opened up like that but i feel like even if he tells me he cant be as committed as i want him to be then at least i can tell myself that i did everything i could. that i've said everything that needs to be said and hopefully get over him. from previous post: >>>>> Here's my break-up story: I have just recently broken up with my bf of 3 yrs about 3 days ago (11/28)...not because I wanted to but because he was leaving for his new job in another state and has no plans for us whatsoever. We actually broke up the night before he was suppose to leave because I could not bear not knowing what's going to happen to us. He never mentioned anything to me about him visiting me or me coming to visit him. There was never a talk about the future with him. So that night, I put up a brave facade and asked him what's going to happen to us when he leaves and I got his usual I don't know. That is his answer to all questions which followed after that. I thought to myself that I was maybe asking the wrong questions so I asked him if he loves me enough to make it work then he said I don't know and I was so hurt and I told him that it was over. He did not put up a fight or anything. I was the one who broke up with him but I am the who is hurting because I am the one left behind and I am the one who wanted to make the relationship work. I invested so much into our relationship for nothing. During the 3 years that we have been together, he broke up with me twice. It was not because of cheating but it was mainly because to me it seems like he is the kind of person who does not believe that you have to put effort into a relationship. That when it becomes difficult he wants out and does not want to try any harder. We literally did not do anything when we were together except watch TV and eat. We used to eat out a lot every Friday or Saturday but that eventually turned into a eat in front of the tv kind of thing. He never tells me his plans. He never told me where he was looking for a job and when he got the job out of state he never asked about my plans...nothing at all. I know that I am better off but I am lonely. I was so lonely last night I sent him a what's up message but he did not reply...and I guess that was not enough rejection for me so I called...he did not pick up. I tried calling and texting my friends but none of them were available. I was so depressed that I just cried and cried. I am ok at times...like right now, I am all alone on a Saturday but I have no impulse to call him...not yet. I hope I'll be okay. I don't know if I'll believe in love again. This is my 3rd relationship and the longest one at that and I am getting tired of this cycle.
Star Gazer Posted December 11, 2007 Posted December 11, 2007 Ugh, I feel your pain. I worry that I will soon be in your shoes. You never answered his question: What can you two do to make it work? Yes, it takes two people, but what are YOU willing to do to make it work? Can you move to where he is? Can you visit each other fairly regularly?
DJ Dancer Posted December 11, 2007 Posted December 11, 2007 Hey, Im sort of in the same boat with you..I broke up with my ex because of long distance..I didnt want to do it but he wasn't putting any effort into the relationship a two nights before he left and once he left..He left with out even spending anytime with me he went out with his friends instead, and he didnt even tell me goodbye..he just left..and I was just skeptical about the relationship because it didnt feel like one once he left... I was the one doing all the calling when before when he was here the calling was split between us equally.. And he wasnt even sure that he wanted the relationship a week after he got back home..He made no effort to even contact me once he got back home..That hurt a lot...So I ended it he said we can be friends and for me to keep in touch..but for the past 8 months of us being broken up I have tried contacting as a friend but he has been ignoring me even when I called to tell him happy birthday... I can understand where you coming from by being lonely because I feel like that everyday since we had broken up and i got so use to being around him and him contacting me that I flipped when all that stopped! I feel guilty for calling it quits thinking that I hurt him but I doubt I did... Try and hang in there girlie..It does take two to be in a relationship its a two way street! And if he not willing to to his part then its not worth trying anymore.. Boy do I wish I could take my own advice in use.
Recommended Posts