sad2day Posted December 4, 2007 Posted December 4, 2007 ok. i know i broke up with him but when i tried to get the relationship back he said he couldln't do it. but now he has contacted me and he still is saying no. he sent me an email last week and we communicated some. he then went thru every memory we made a year ago. i finally said i couldn't do this unless he had changed his mind. he responded he hadn't. it wasn't an easy decision but he really feels it is best. i never replied. i got another email today that said he was wondering if i would be home tonight to talk (which we haven't done in two months). i responded that i would be home around 8 tonight. he called me at 6:30 and left me a message that he thought that talking would be the answer but that he now wonders if it would cause me pain. he said he didn't want to leave things with a note from him and he wished me to feel better soon. i don't get it. is he doing this on purpose? i am devastated. i just don't get it. i want this relationship back and he keeps toying with me. why?????
Author sad2day Posted December 4, 2007 Author Posted December 4, 2007 i got scared. we had an amazing relationship but i pulled away because of how serious things had gotten between us. we lived 5 hours apart and i work full time and attend grad. school. i just got overwhelmed with everything and he felt me pull away. he confronted me and i told him i couldn't give him what he wanted at that time. we ended. we stayed in communication for about two months. until i wanted the relationship back. then he couldn't keep communicating. he said it was the most pain he had ever been thru and he just didn't think he could go back. he was going to stick to his decsion for better or worse.
KenzieAbsolutely Posted December 4, 2007 Posted December 4, 2007 no offense, but you really can't blame him. he's going back and forth in his own feelings because part of him wants to still be with you, but another part of him doesn't trust you with his heart anymore. the "i broke up with you because i care and love you too much too soon" excuse is a bit hard to believe. he doesn't want to set himself up for another disaster when you decide 'it's too serious' again. i say, if you really care about him, and you think you can handle it this time without hurting him, tell him you are going to leave him alone until he's ready to contact you and he knows what he wants, and ask him to please be sure of it instead of making and breaking plans.
Author sad2day Posted December 4, 2007 Author Posted December 4, 2007 thanks for the response. i agree. i have been getting myself together to not do this again. it is the truth. i freaked out but during our time apart. he became my best friend. we talked almost daily. then nothing. we haven't been communicating much over the last two months. a little chitchat via email. i went 4 days without sending him a reply and he started with the memory lane stuff. then when I asked him what was going on he said he still can't do this. i didn't respond. it has been 5 days and he responded with wanting to talk. he called when he knew i wouldnt be home and made it sound like he is still not interested but wants me to feel better soon. i can't stop crying again. it is horrible. i want him back but i don't know what to do at this point my. my head is spinning.
Author sad2day Posted December 4, 2007 Author Posted December 4, 2007 should i go to him? he lives 5 hours away. we haven't seen each other in a number of months. i don't want to be crazy but i think a face to face would be good. any thoughts??????
KenzieAbsolutely Posted December 4, 2007 Posted December 4, 2007 should i go to him? he lives 5 hours away. we haven't seen each other in a number of months. i don't want to be crazy but i think a face to face would be good. any thoughts?????? i think just showing up would be a really bad idea. just respect his wishes. he feels the way he does because of something you did, and you have no right to invade his life in a way he hasn't asked for. i know you say you want to get back together with him, but at this point, it's his choice if that happens or not. you have to let it go and see what happens.
Author sad2day Posted December 4, 2007 Author Posted December 4, 2007 thank you. it just sucks. i have never felt like this. i can't seem to get it past any of this. i cry and feel numb all the time. he is not making it any easier with the contact that he is making. i feel he is trying to get me to hang on. which isn't cool. i called him back and he didn't answer but i am sure he was home. it was a half hour later. i am not this kind of a person and i was doing better until he started with the contact. i don't want to tell him not too but it is killing me.
sedgwick Posted December 4, 2007 Posted December 4, 2007 What made you change your mind about wanting him back? I'm just wondering, because my ex ended an amazing yearlong relationship -- seriously, we NEVER fought, and the attraction was definitely there -- saying he was too busy, on the road too much, etc, but the reason he gave up front was that he was leaving me because I'm not a musician, like he is. I know there wasn't anyone else at the time he broke up with me and for about a month afterwards; since then, I've been very strict NC. I wonder if he ever thinks about me or if he's just glad to be rid of me. I can't fathom breaking up with someone because you're too stressed out, but I guess some people do and then regret it later. I want so much to think he misses having me in his life, but I have no idea; I blocked his phone number and email addresses and left the country for two months...
Author sad2day Posted December 4, 2007 Author Posted December 4, 2007 i understand your need to ask this question. that's what this site is for. i am thankful for having it. i realized everything became real once i got to share it with him. he became my best friend. i was terrified of letting go of my independence that i held very tightly 2. without him i realized how much better life was with him. i had a awh ha moment and just knew he was the one. it just sucks because as i was doing this he was doing the opposite and "moving on". we also never fought. actually right now is the first time i have ever been pissed at him. what he is pulling now sucks and has actually made me very angry. it is a weird feeling since i have never been mad at him. i know everyone here expresses the need for NC. i get it. and i have the thought to use it but i am just not there yet. i guess. i go fouur or five days and he sends me a message then sends me spinning again. as for you... well i don't know. NC could be working for you but I couldn't do it to the point where I wouldn't know if he was trying to reach me. i'm a gluten for punishment. do you really want to know if he thinks of you? he really ended a relationship because of musical abilities? one thing i've learned is to never end a relationship when there is chemistry. i had never had it before like that. it was amazing with him. i just can't figure out what he is thinking. he is saying and doing one thing but then saying and doing another. i keep getting caught in the crossfires. maybe no contact really is better.
MrMichael Posted December 4, 2007 Posted December 4, 2007 so this is what my x did to me, though she doesnt want "us" back, she said she got "overwhelmed" can you explain to me what causes women to feel like this after a few great weeks and abrubtly end things? (I posted my own thread about a breakup) ...now me being the guy in MY situation, I can give you insight into what your guy is maybe thinking....he probably is TERRIFIED of getting hurt again, especially if he said it was Terrible pain for him when you broke it off I know if my x called me or e mailed saying lets get back (because I want her back), I would be stoked, but at the same time scared as f--k and questioning her motives....I don't know about these other posts that tell you do not drive to see him, I say you SHOULD, maybe a face to face is good in your situation. I dont think he is toying with you, or being wishy washy...but theres a saying that says "scared but smarter"...he's been hurt by you once, he's weighing it over....I think YOU are the one who will have to do most of the rekindling in this case. I wish you the best why do you want him back now? just curious..I mean have you worked thru something that "overwhelmed" you in the beginning or? < I am trying to understand a womans thinking on backing out because they are overwhelemed thats all...
Author sad2day Posted December 5, 2007 Author Posted December 5, 2007 HI i can only speak for myself as to why i became overwhelmed and how i got past it. it is hard to describe how it worked out. i took time for myself, i prioritized things, and thought about what i wanted with my life. i did a lot of reflection. it was letting go of my fears that finally let me open up and when i did it was the most amazing feeling. even though he said he couldn't go back to the relationship i was no longer pondering what i wanted. i knew and it felt amazing (sad 2). he opened my hearts in away i never knew it could be. i never felt good about the break up. that is really all i can tell you. i saw my life heading in a direction i didn't want. he did overwhelm me with his constant need from me but i also realized how much i missed it when it was gone. i liked that he had found his own life again. he was very invovled in mine and i found it attractive that he started to be social with his friends again. he seemed self assured again. a lot of the reasons i stated above are the reasons i want him back. i love him. it is as simple as that. he is amazing. he is kind, emotional, and was a lot of fun to be around. there is a stylish dorky thing about him. he is very creative, honest, and funny. his honesty is overpowering. he made me feel like i was the only person in the world that mattered. i miss his friendship and his silly little ways. that is very hard to talk about. well i wanted to let you know he emailed me and wanted to talk. i told him when i would be home but he called earlier and again said a lot of the same things. he ended the message with "i hope you start to feel better soon". it really pissed me off. i don't understand why. why would he do this if he thougth i was so sad. i understand what you said about him being scared. i am too but i wouldn't want to live wondering. so i called him back and he didn't answer. he did call the next night, i was again stunned. i was going out... actually with a male friend (just friend but nice to hand with). i didn't tell him. i did ask if i could call him tonight. he said yes. i was very short with him because i am soooooo angry. i have so many questions but i am affraid. i just don't know???????????? any suggestions.
Surfer Girl Posted December 6, 2007 Posted December 6, 2007 Personally... I would let him know you want to reconcille and why.... And if he is afraid... That you understand... And when he is ready... He can come to you... If and when he wants the committment... If he needs to work things out within himself... Give him that understanding and respect.. He will know where you stand... And if he is still questioning it... At least he knows what you want... It just appears he doesn't know what he wants now.... And if he doesn't leave him alone...
shaynej76 Posted December 28, 2007 Posted December 28, 2007 I am in a bad break up right now and I know what I want,maybe I cant speak for every man but men usually are very rational and women seem more emmotional! Not in all cases I understand but when it comes to love its not a feeling you can turn on and off just like that! Maybe he is toying with you also he may seem unsure himself,give him the benefit of the doubt maybe more time !Dont jump in too fast so you dont get hurt! Good luck!
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