haley121 Posted December 3, 2007 Posted December 3, 2007 I know this is long, but I realllly need advice on a possible break-up but first… the situation: I dated this guy for about 7 months. We had a decent relationship, no fights, and even arguments were rare, but our communication wasn’t all that great. As I changed throughout the year and went through some tough stuff unrelated to him, I started to grow apart from him. He sensed this, and initiated a mutual break-up. About a week after that though, we both regretted the decision. We talked about what went wrong, and I realized I had been taking him for granted, but the problem was, we only had a couple more weeks until I was leaving for three months, so, there wasn’t a lot of time to get things back in order. I left with our relationship still hanging in the balance. Soon after I left, he met another girl, and they began talking every night. He’s since told me that this was initially to fill the void of me being gone, but eventually it turned into more. Anyway, he didn’t actually tell me about her at first, but the phone calls stopped from his end, so, I knew something was up (later he said he didn't call because he felt guilty). A couple weeks later, he told me what was going on, and said we had to figure out “us.” I could see he wanted freedom, and I wasn’t sure about the relationship myself, so, I let him go. Me being stupid, I agreed to keep talking to him throughout the summer, about once a week. This was really tough for me because although he never came out and said he was dating the girl, I knew. For some reason I just couldn’t cut off the contact completely. As difficult as the summer was, it gave me a lot of time to think about things and improve as a person though. When I came back, we decided to be friends, to hang out in our mutual group of friends, but that’s it. He told me about dating the girl over the summer, and that they were in the midst of trying to work-out a possible long-distance relationship. Over the next month of a lot of drama and stress in his relationship situation, I began to have strong feelings for him again. We would have long talks about once a week, and everything between us felt much different than it had when we were together. Later he told me that it seemed like I came back a different person. The girl ended things with him officially, and at the time he told me he was very relieved about it…that he had been trying to decide between me or her so that made it easier. Now here’s another “stupid me” moment…only a few weeks after he and the girl were done, I started dating him again (initiated by him). We agreed to take things slow, but that didn’t work out so well and everything escalated quickly. We’ve been dating again for a month or so now, and it’s become clear to me he still has strong feelings for her. We talked about it the other day, and he said she hurt him more than he’s ever been hurt before, and basically she was the closest he’s ever been to loving a girl, and he’s not sure he’ll ever be able to feel the same way again. Well, dang. This all hurt me pretty badly…because I guess I just didn’t realize, or didn’t want to face the fact that he considered the relationship with her to be so serious and strong. And it hurts more because he more or less cheated on me with her (not technically…but that’s what it felt like). Anyway, I feel like he’ll never find in me whatever it is that he found in her. He’s pretty much told me he feels like he should walk away from me because he’s afraid of hurting me, but he doesn’t think he can. So, it’s basically up to me to end it. The question is…SHOULD I end it? I have very strong feelings for this guy, but then again, maybe it’s just because he was my first serious relationship. But we get along really well, we always like spending time together, he makes me laugh more than I do around anyone else. I know he cares about me a lot. And I care about him. And we’re definitely attracted to each other. The communication is still a little rocky, but it’s grown leaps and bounds from last year. But the thing is, sometimes I wonder if there’s not anything “deeper” there. It’s like we both fit each other’s “checklists,” but for some reason… I’m not enough for him. I feel like he would much rather be with the other girl if he could, even though she drove him crazy and he says I’m much less complicated. I mean, it could be because he’s still getting over her and in a couple months everything will be back to normal… or it could be something more significant. So… Should I end everything completely, forever? Should I propose a break so that he can fully heal and maybe we can consider dating again later? Or should I keep on with the relationship in hopes of working things out as we go along? I’ve been horribly depressed for the last few days. I’m confused, hurt, worried, and probably not thinking very clearly, so, some sound advice would be helpful.
Summer_guy_uk Posted December 3, 2007 Posted December 3, 2007 (Repost). That's a sticky situation you're in. Perhaps jumping into another relationship wasa bit much for him so quickly. Since you do have feelings for eachother, maybe give him some space and time to miss you. Maybe 4-6 weeks, don't cut off contact entirely but don't be at his beck and call either. Let him realise what he might be losing, and let him get over the impact of his "inbetween" girl.
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