JustBreathe Posted December 5, 2007 Posted December 5, 2007 Writeon: I don't know where you got the idea that I do not believe MMs are not responsible for their choice to cheat. Your assumption is incorrect. Both parties are 50% responsible. Having said that, I won't comment any further because I don't want to threadjack and maybe it would be better to start a new thread on this subject.
writeon Posted December 5, 2007 Posted December 5, 2007 Writeon: I don't know where you got the idea that I do not believe MMs are not responsible for their choice to cheat. Your assumption is incorrect. Both parties are 50% responsible. Having said that, I won't comment any further because I don't want to threadjack and maybe it would be better to start a new thread on this subject. JustBreathe -- okay, truce, I wasn't trying to argue with you, I was just curious as to why all the mean names for the OW and none for your husband... I get it now and I appreciate your explanation, thanks! GramBear -- sorry for my off-topic discussion with JustBreathe. It sounds to me like you have figured out a little better what you'd like to do (stay married to him but not emotionally.) I'm glad you've reached a more peaceful mindset about this confusing situation. I do agree with those who have said to see an attorney, just so you can be aware of all your different options in case you're still confused or you feel the one you choose isn't working out. Best wishes again.
Author gramsbear Posted December 11, 2007 Author Posted December 11, 2007 My husband has been home almost a month and its been a little rocky. He does say I love you now He does hug me when hes leaving every morning When we have a discussion about the cheating( not often) he says nothing to help me feel as though he really is sorry.Just says I wouldnt be here if I didnt want to be.He likes our life. Hes very angry at me because I am going to court on Thursday to vouch for my daughter in law in her fight againt the PPO.that the OW put on both of us.Hes obsessed with "getting" my DIL at all costs cause she got involved and said bad(but true) things about him to the OW.I am NOT fighting the PPO she put on me even though she lied on it ,at his request..Still wonder if he had some input in these PPOs that came over 11 days after he came home. When I put a card on my husbands dresser, it took him a day and a half to open it and he never made one comment about what I had said in it. Im almost positive hes not leaving work to see her but I think they are still in phone contact.Just my gut and the fact that I was told she called him one day but when I asked he said "no calls". He received 3 private calls,with no one saying anything last Sunday,on his cell phone.( work cell) My DIL receives one every day at 830 am.And we get them about 5 times at week at our house.He still deletes his cell phone calls every day.When I asked him why,he said just got used to doing it.But he doesnt seem to take his cell into the bathroom anymore... If hes still not cheating then I think hes much more self centered then I ever realized.Sometimes the cheating is easier to deal with then the fact he deceived me for so long.The fact that I didnt really know him is almost frightening. My granddaughter does better with him being home and our 22 month old Great graddaughter just adores her papa and spends much time with him every night when he comes home.And I love having him home just wish I knew it was real. I pray for the day I can just believe again.....
Author gramsbear Posted December 11, 2007 Author Posted December 11, 2007 Just another fact for you all to ponder. He hates my DIL for getting involved and calling the OW,but when I bring up the fact that the OW was calling HIS sister and talking to her.... he says that is different.His sister didnt have a choice but my DIL did. I say his sister made a choice evrytime she talked with this woman.Am I wrong? And I know its true as he admits it and the OW told me she called her.Dont know if it was at the beginning or during the whole 7 years but more then 1 call accepted was a choice on her part....at least I think so.
Kasan Posted December 11, 2007 Posted December 11, 2007 I pray for the day I can just believe again..... I am looking at your last sentence and I am dumbfounded. How will you ever be able to believe again? He is not doing anything to make it possible for you to believe again. My dear, I say this in all kindness, you have made the decision to stay with this man due to your family circumstances, and in some ways you have condoned your husband's behavior as there are no consequences levied on him. My mother-in-law did the same thing as you, only she didn't have the same family issues that you have. I got to meet my father-in-law's OW at a family funeral, along with the rest of the family. I totally lost all respect for all of them that day. But the moral of the story is, the OW finally dumped him as he was getting older and sick and now they are as happy as clams together. Me, I would have found a way to kick his *ss to the curb--left no stone unturned to find a way out, as I would have deserved so much better. I wish you the best, because what you are going through is not easy, and I expect that there still will be rough days ahead.
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