amythan Posted December 3, 2007 Posted December 3, 2007 I will try to make short a long history. I knew him two years ago, we really liked each other but we lived in different countries and lead very different lives so we stay in contact by email every day. Not close friendship, just small talk and flirting. And last may we started to go out together for several months. I was completely in love with him and he was always reluctant because he thought that we have no future together and it was a nonsense We stay in contact by email and phone and I realized he is right. We talk about everything and I really feel lots of affection for him, I am happy to have him in my life but just as a friend. He is the kind of person who shy away instead of break up with you, the guy who tell you I am going to miss you so much after the break up just to make you feel good … I mean, he is perhaps coward but I think he is a good immature person. Someone who feels guilty and wants to be liked by everyone. So, last time I saw him was September and last week I went to London, just two day work trip. I send him two emails and he didn't reply and when we talk at the phone he was pretending that he didn't saw them. He didn't have any time to see me but instead of tell me he was just giving me excuses every day .. He send me an email saying 'I want you to understand I want to spent time and catch up with you .. it is just a difficult timing ..' and last day we talk at the phone and he was again giving me explanations I didn't ask for. I think that if he cares about be friends he would be able to find time specially because we do not have so many opportunities to see each other. And if he does not want to be friends why so many excuses and explanations ? Why do not speak plainly ? I am feeling always confused and demanding but this is not what I expect from a friend. On the other hand given that we broke up last September I do not want to me pushy or overreact. Am I overreacting ?? Just to be clear, I do not want to be friends to stay around in case he change his mind, I know we are done and I think he was right with his decision. Thanks a lot for reading this and give me some advise.
norajane Posted December 7, 2007 Posted December 7, 2007 He was being a coward. He's afraid you wanted to see him/be friends because you still have a thing for him. He was too cowardly to come right out and tell you that and tell you he couldn't see you.
Author amythan Posted December 7, 2007 Author Posted December 7, 2007 I agree, it is not the first time he acts this way. Why people do not realize that this kind of attitude does not help ? I made big efforts to forgive everything, understand and put distance. I do not regret our time but i understand it is over. I really care about him and i want to stay in contact but i do not want to be the 'only one' who cares. I was thinking to talk frankly with him but i do not want he thinks i am clingy or needy or whatever. It is just i want him to be happy to see me and i want to call him without any misunderstanding. Like adults .. this is so childish .. Should i talk even if he could be upset ?
norajane Posted December 7, 2007 Posted December 7, 2007 You know, it's really hard to talk to people about this kind of stuff when they are not being 'adults' about it. If I were you, I probably wouldn't try to have the conversation. You've already done so much hard work - I don't think it's worth your time and effort if he's not willing to be honest and adult about it.
Author amythan Posted December 7, 2007 Author Posted December 7, 2007 Yes, i am fed up with being the nice one, the one how is dumped and understand, the one who cares .. i am feeling despised and he is acting as if i was just overreacting. He just says 'don't be silly' but i am not ! He left me without saying a word and i made my best to understand, talk to him an remain friends. I never deserved this and anyway i understood he was not able to do better. Sometimes i am wonder if he is worth it even as a friend ... You are right, too much energy and too much time .. i just was scared to be unfair or demanding ... he always make me feel bad as if i was childish or pushy and honestly i didn't anything that wrong.
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