dalap Posted December 3, 2007 Posted December 3, 2007 To start, I've lived with my current girlfriend for 4 years without much cause for complaint. Recently however, over the summer I had a reconnection (via facebook) with an old mutual high-school crush, very attractive but absolutely insane, which did not work out but which opened my eyes to something I had known for awhile but refused to admit to myself... See, I had moved in with this girlfriend, my first serious relationship, partly as a rebound from a failed online relationship, and partly because I needed a way out of a rough life situation, and she offered an opportunity. She has always had a deep crush and feelings for me, but I had to "force" myself to care about her. I do care...but do not have the kind of attraction or love for her that I found I was capable of with that old crush over the summer. Since I met her she has gained close to 40lbs on her 5ft frame, while I have dropped weight to 200 being 6'2". She is obese, and despite my best efforts to coach her at weight loss, cannot seem to lose it. This, daily, wears into my self-esteem such that I find myself depressed. I do not consider myself a terribly vain person but this is quite over the edge, and I cannot despite my best efforts control how miserable it makes me feel to be attached so intimately with someone who has let themselves go as much as she has. In all respects but for looks and some attitude/depression issues, she is a pretty good girlfriend. We're compatible psychologically, but physically, I do not feel attracted to her at all in a sexual way. Our sex life has gone down to once or twice a month. I am 25 years old and she is 23, so it's not age. I feel as though I jumped into a relationship far too soon, never had a chance to explore what I really wanted or to really find my feet. Now, in a very stable financial and education situation, I find myself extremely demotivated and upset over this, and also guilty for what this will end up doing to her in the long run if these feelings continue. We live together, share debt, furniture, a bed, a lease, all of that...breaking up would be hell. Yet I find myself wondering if it should be done regardless. Any outside perspectives would be helpful.
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