fray718 Posted December 3, 2007 Posted December 3, 2007 Has anyone say just dated someone for a few weeks but felt alot of chemistry with them and really like them...but then you feel that they might not be as compatible with you and so you have to end it with them, but then you feel devastated at having to end it? I think I have attachment issues because I feel like I should end it for reasons above but I really like this person and the thought of it makes me really sad...but I've only been dating him for a few weeks. Is anyone else like this? And when you finally ended it, how did you get over it? I mean I really like this person and so far he has been very nice to me and treated me really well but I feel as if we might not have enough in common to make it go anywhere.
sumdude Posted December 3, 2007 Posted December 3, 2007 Has anyone say just dated someone for a few weeks but felt alot of chemistry with them and really like them...but then you feel that they might not be as compatible with you and so you have to end it with them, but then you feel devastated at having to end it? I think I have attachment issues because I feel like I should end it for reasons above but I really like this person and the thought of it makes me really sad...but I've only been dating him for a few weeks. Is anyone else like this? And when you finally ended it, how did you get over it? I mean I really like this person and so far he has been very nice to me and treated me really well but I feel as if we might not have enough in common to make it go anywhere. Well I guess there's the three C's to look at. 1. Communication 2. Compatibility 3. Chemistry #1 Is the one a couple can do the most about and change. #2 Is harder to work around but over time can change anyhow. You can start off totally compatible and months or years later one or both change and that gets mixed up #3 Is the one you probably just can't do much about. Is there something that has already caused a problem as far as the compatibility? Just asking, you don't sound exactly sure what it is that's pushing you away.
MrMichael Posted December 3, 2007 Posted December 3, 2007 I think maybe you are projecting an outcome that hasn't occured yet? I could be wrong, the guy treats you good....and you claim to "really" like him....what are your reasons that there may not be anything? You say the chemistry is good, you yourself know if it is...or isnt. you can read my post if you like, The girl in my situation told me the same thing, she said many times she "felt" a connection, and I felt chemistry w/her..this was long before we were intimate, her reasoning to me was alot like you wrote.."you dont see it going further"...she said that she struggled between her head and her heart...I understood, but didnt understand why her head could overweigh the "chemistry" and connection" I would consider what YOU want out of the relationship and go from there, none of us knows the future, on the one hand maybe you see red flags with this guy, yet you are already emotionally attached, if you did end it with him I think the important thing is to be honest and explain what you are feeling. I wish you both the best.
Author fray718 Posted December 3, 2007 Author Posted December 3, 2007 Thanks for both your responses so far. MM, I did read your post just now. The story was definitely out of the ordinary. Well, things with me n this guy are pretty much normal, nothing crazy. I don't want to give too many personal details (for fear he might be reading this!) but basically I feel that both of us have very good conversations together and that's what I mean by chemistry. He's fun to talk to and hang out with. He appears to be fairly into me and he's just very nice and considerate. The con is he seems to be a bit too flirty and I like guys who are a bit more conservative like myself (I know, boring huh! haha!). I like really conservative shy guys because I think about the guy being loyal long term wise. I also seem to naturally have more in common with conservative guys since like I said i'm quite conservative myself. He was shy in the beginning but quickly became suddenly good at flirting pretty soon. His background is also quite different from me and so are his interests. This is what I mean by my thinking we might not have much in common in terms of interests at least to have this work out. The chemistry part worked because every once in awhile it was like both our minds thought of the same thing and sometimes we say the same thing at the same time haha. But that is different from compatibility. Sorry for the lack of details but hope this helps a bit. As for communication, I think that's been fairly ok so far. Edit: To slightly add a few more details, I feel that sometimes we do things I like but in which he is not that into. And at times we do things he likes that I'm not particulary into. This is what I mean by different interests. But ofcourse for now we are both fine with it because it's only the beginning phases of dating and we're just enjoying our time together and what we do doesnt matter as much. But perhaps later on the differences in interests might become a problem. But the main question is, has anyone else experienced this? Is it normal to let someone go who you've only been dating for a few weeks and have it be this depressing?
Author fray718 Posted December 3, 2007 Author Posted December 3, 2007 she said many times she "felt" a connection, and I felt chemistry w/her..this was long before we were intimate, her reasoning to me was alot like you wrote.."you dont see it going further"...she said that she struggled between her head and her heart...I understood, but didnt understand why her head could overweigh the "chemistry" and connection" Upon second reading, I realized I share alot of those thoughts up there with this guy. I swear I'm not like that crazy girl though haha. I mean I'm not the type to throw myself at guys. I kinda do things the traditional way...for the most part. If this helps at all in how you cope with her, she was probably quite devastated herself in having to end it with you.
MrMichael Posted December 3, 2007 Posted December 3, 2007 His background is also quite different from me and so are his interests. This is what I mean by my thinking we might not have much in common in terms of interests at least to have this work out. The chemistry part worked because every once in awhile it was like both our minds thought of the same thing and sometimes we say the same thing at the same time haha. If I had read this before I had posted anything about my situation I would have wagered $ that you are my X writing this...this is EXACTLY what she said, the whole "different backgrounds thing"...I , being the guy couldn't understand, and probably because I took it as rejection rather than a valid concern of hers...the "minds thinking and saying the same thing at same time" deal is what has tripped me up with her, you DONT meet someone like that all the time, people have told me that, SHE has told me that...thats what baffles me..she recognized the connection,but was pesimistic to the point of endng it and telling me I was a part of her life forever...kind of like > you are special and rare and hard to find, but I DONT want to be with you... you mentioned depressed...this girl had depression issues, I was aware of that but gave her the benefit of the doubt Love is Love> when I love thre are no prejaduces, her behavior change may or may not have been linked to that, I am not in her head so, I dont know....... 2 things: a) the flirtiness of his seems to bother you, I think if he treats you good and you guys have the "wavelegth" and click, then the flirting is no immediate cause for concern. He may be very happy with you and so, he can "joke" with others, that may indicate he is happy, as messed up as that sounds... b) relationships take effort,and commitement on both sides....If you feel "warm and fuzzy" when you re with him,then who gives a rip if you have differet interests...> look at that from a perspective of that being more interests BETWEEN you 2 instead of dividing you 2.......backgrounds dont necesarily mean anything, if 2 people click, they click... take it day to day, and relax...no one is perfect..look at it this way> what if he were from YOUR background had all YOUR interests but treated you BADLY...? would that equal it out to what it is now? like I said, its a matter of what feeld RIGHT for you...good luck
lino Posted December 3, 2007 Posted December 3, 2007 my last ex had a similar attitude. Said I was so great, sexy, nice, such a catch, blah blah blah whatever... Are you fairly young? If so I think it's probably just a case of not knowing what you want, like I think was the case with my last ex.
Author fray718 Posted December 3, 2007 Author Posted December 3, 2007 thnx for all the input so far everyone lino -- im 25 and he's turning 29 really soon, but I'm way less experienced than him in terms of dating/relationships. I agree that I'm still in the stages of learning what I want, and the dilemma comes in when I'm just uncertain about things.
lino Posted December 4, 2007 Posted December 4, 2007 Oh ok you're my age then. My last ex was just 21.
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