BrianG Posted December 3, 2007 Posted December 3, 2007 I have been on this site for the past month or so and and in my life I have fought for everthing I wanted in my life so how would love be any different. (Frame of refercence: was together for 5 years, me 29, her 26, lived together for 6 months) I have made plenty of mistakes in my relationship(like any of us) and i had a second chance but blew it essentially for a few reasons if you read my other posts. I have taken this time apart, she broke up with me for about 2 months (5 weeks NC), in which I have seen a counselor weekly, a cognitive behavioral specialist to correct my lying that happened from being childhood experiences of being beaten by my father, which I never realized carried throughtout my life and was a factor in me lying in order to stay out of trouble with her, etc. to make sure these changes stay with me throughout my life. I know fundamental changes take time and I continue to work so hard and have a stronge desire and commitment to work on it every single day of my life. She had such a deep and profound effect on my life that helped me realize my mistakes and to make sure they never happen again. I have taken this break up as seriously as anything that has happened in my life, which says a lot if you knew me. I have been using NC as a way to heal from the break up and get on with my life, but i have been unable to let go. However, I know she is the love of my life and even though NC has given me so much time to become a better person and mature into a better man I cant shake the feeling that there is something/anything that i can do. I have told her everything, that she is the love of my life, that she is the greatest thing to ever happen to me, that I want to marry her, the whole nine yards in telling her how i feel (yes i admit i begged cried, etc when the last time i saw her when she picked up the last of her things, yeah i know it was a mistake in hindsight). Like i said earlier i have fought for everything in my life that I have ever wanted so how should this be any different?, i know if that someone you were meant to be with should stick by your side through thick and thin but i make plenty of mistakes and hurt her because of my behavior (never cheated, but lied, got angry and yelled out of frustration from her OCD, and I just want the opportunity to make things right with her. I want to talk to her or or her friends anything and do whatever it takes. We have not spoken in over a month so what do i have to lose? I know from most posts that I should just leave her alone and let go, but every part of my heart, mind, body and soul is tired of sitting on my hands and doing nothing while the love of my life drifts further and further away. I guess maybe these are the words of a desperate man, but I do not want to give up. Is there anything I can do?
simon sez Posted December 3, 2007 Posted December 3, 2007 Is there anything I can do? Yes there is. You are missing one of the most important ingredients to getting someone back... START DATING. The only chance you have is to start dating others and leave her alone. She may come back when she sees that you may have found someone else. If you don't start dating, then I can guarantee you that you are wasting your time and effort with anything else. I have studied this concept for many many years and have found that most all dumpees don't wake up until the dumper has found someone else. It works the same for the dumper. The overwhelming majority don't come back until they have noticed that the person they dumped is seeing someone else. Be happy,start dating others and leave her alone.. Once she has wind of that, then don't be surprised to hear from her.
CaliGuy Posted December 3, 2007 Posted December 3, 2007 Yes there is. You are missing one of the most important ingredients to getting someone back... START DATING. The only chance you have is to start dating others and leave her alone. She may come back when she sees that you may have found someone else. If you don't start dating, then I can guarantee you that you are wasting your time and effort with anything else. I have studied this concept for many many years and have found that most all dumpees don't wake up until the dumper has found someone else. It works the same for the dumper. The overwhelming majority don't come back until they have noticed that the person they dumped is seeing someone else. Be happy,start dating others and leave her alone.. Once she has wind of that, then don't be surprised to hear from her. I would agree except to say there is really nothing you can do to MAKE someone come back to you. They either want to or they don't on their own, but showing them your independence and that you don't NEED them in your life can sometimes help. Honestly when women break things off with men it's usually for good whereas men as less rational and tend to break things off on a whim and regret it later. The best thing you can do is contained in this message. Move on with your life and forget about her. The sooner you do, the sooner the RIGHT woman can come into your life. And I guarantee you when she does you'll wonder what you ever saw in your ex.
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