kymberann Posted December 3, 2007 Posted December 3, 2007 Well, I dated this guy for the past eight months. He was a hell of a great guy. We really did great together. However his past stuff got in the way. He has a ex wife who still controls him. I know he feels guilty for his divorce but he can't move on. I told him once it felt like he was either cheating on me with his ex or cheating on her with me, but he swore he was done and didn't want her around. A few Sundays ago we were at his house wathing a move and sitting together and she just walks in. He was so embarrassed and told me he wished she would stop doing that. And he didn't want me to leave. I guess there is family things going on that he feels are too tough to get past. He recently told me that he wants to sell his house and get away so that no body can find him. Anyway there is a lot to that story. But what bothers me is that he is willing to give up one good thing (He and I) in order to keep dealing with his stuff. He kept telling me "I want to be free". Please note, I wasn't acting as a therapist or his counselor, just letting hin deal with his stuff and be there for support but not care for his problems. I am well adjusted with that. So I am trying to get on. It is hard to just forget someone when you spent better than a year with them. We did talk about moving in, finance, chores, the bit! But this wold be in the future, not right now. My kids LOVE him. And now they miss him, although perhaps not as much as I. How can someone just give up on a good thing? I kept reassuring him I wanted to take my time with the relationship as well. I wasn't rushing. As for his stuff, well I kept assuring him that everyone has it and his is really average compared to most other people's issues. What hurts is that last time I talked with him he told me he didn't want to see me because it hurt HIM too much! So All these thoughts, feelings and everything comes in waves. Why is he being this selfish? Why can't he realize how hard this is on me too?I tried telling him what pain this has caused me. He said he misses my kids, but didn't bring up that he missed me, only a pause. I keep thinking I should make a list of some reasons why it is better that it is over. But there really isn't any! I can't stay angry for long and nor do I really want to be angry about our relationship anyways! I just want to stop crying. What do yo think the chances are he will rethink things? I haven't called or contacted him. It will come back to bite him, won't it? And will he realize it? And what do I do to feel better? Thanks all!
MrMichael Posted December 3, 2007 Posted December 3, 2007 wow...I think do not contact him (for now)...write things down on paper,that helps..write down what you would say to him, but again dont contact, if you feel in your heart it has a chance, wait it out...if he doesnt want to be w/ her odds are he is thinking of you or it wuldnt have gone 8 mos. if he told you he doesnt want to be w/her, it sounds like he means it. as for your kids, thats a tuff scenario..i would emphasise to him it isnt fair to them if he is uncertain, alot of other people are involved in this, and that is ll you can do...
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