noturtypicalwife Posted December 2, 2007 Posted December 2, 2007 If you were the one the one who walked out or decided to leave how did you do it?
redblack66 Posted December 3, 2007 Posted December 3, 2007 If you were the one the one who walked out or decided to leave how did you do it? Do it by being *very* explicit and open about it. My wife, when she left me, made me believe her that she just needed little space. This is a cowardly way of ending a relation/marriage. Be honest, say point black what you want to do, and do not leave false hopes.
Author noturtypicalwife Posted December 3, 2007 Author Posted December 3, 2007 did you have kids involved? I have never used that I love you but not in love you, because I do love him, Im just not stupid.
Confused Mum of 2 Posted December 3, 2007 Posted December 3, 2007 I have been doing a lot of thinking abou tthis myself lately, i have decided i will need money for a place of my own to live with the kids, i will ask my parents at xmas to be on standby when i need the money for a bond on a rental property, also think about the kids schooling and how far away you will move, or even if you will move or if he will move, and if you want him to how will you ask him to. you see in my case we live in a defence owned house, coz my husband is army so i will be the one to go regardless, as far as they and he is concerned he is more entitled to this house than me and the kids. ( and he has said this to me before to make me feel insignificant) also you will need your own bank account, only for things like pensions and kids money, dont do anything silly with his credit cards, it doesnt need to be any worse than it already is. i suppose you just need to take the time to make sure you have though it all out properly and made the right decsionand by the time you have got everythinglike money and accomodation al sorted out you would have had some time to think about it all and process it and by then you will know in your heart which way you want to go. Good Luck.
dgiirl Posted December 3, 2007 Posted December 3, 2007 Do not do it in anger. When my ex left, he said some very cruel things. Things that should never have been said, even to your worse enemy, let alone your spouse. Yes, they probably will be shocked and hurt and might even cry and beg. But do not get angry, and never say anything you'll regret saying.
Can'tGiveUp Posted December 3, 2007 Posted December 3, 2007 By the time i ended it we had been through counselling etc... Before I actually told him, I made sure I was okay financially - could afford to keep the house and pay for daycare. Like others have mentioned - don't leave room for false hope. By the time I ended it, we had exhausted our options trying to save the marriage (or at least I had - he had given up trying and thought everything was fine). Nothing nasty was said. Just that it was over. I had sort of figured out how to split the assets. I gave him a copy of what I had come up with. I gave him time to look at it as well as a few mediation places to check out in order to do our separation agreement. We agreed that the kids were a priority. We picked a date to tell them. He moved out approximately a month later. We thought that would give them time to adjust. He included them when he was looking for a house so that they had some input. In the months that followed, there were times when he was somewhat angry. I knew that he was working through all the things that I had spent the past several years dealing with. Usually the one who ends it has already left the marriage emotionally - has gone through many of the stages that the other has yet to experience. I gave him some latitude in that respect - though nothing was ever exactly nasty. when he was angry - I just limited any communication. All in all, our split was quite amicable and now we communicate very well and the kids are still our priority. The kids have been to some group counselling and from everything I have seen and been told by the counsellors, we are not the norm. But it can be done as long as you are focussed on the important part - helping your kids get through with the least amount of damage. Good luck...
daisydufas22 Posted December 3, 2007 Posted December 3, 2007 If you were the one the one who walked out or decided to leave how did you do it? I sat down and had a calm talk with him and told him my reasons. I gave him the opportunity to discuss it from his point of view. I did stay there sometimes (not in the same bed) to be sure that he was coping okay. I did call him daily to see how he was coping. Also, I booked counselling sessions for him so he had the opportunity to work through it. I hated leaving him but he cheated, lied and one one occassion he pushed me. He's angry about it now so I have cut all contact off with him.
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