I have met "Estella" from great expectations

[MrMichael]

I am going to explain this the simplest way I know how....I met someone online, back in July of this year..I wasn't looking for a relationship at the time,and when i noticed she lived 1400 miles away, that made it more of a doubtful situation.I live in N.D. >she is in TX..

 

Having been to TX earlier in the year, I decided I wouldnt go back(ever),a few days later,this girl i met(who is in TX) writes me a letter on myspace telling me she thinks im good looking and tells me she wants to have a relationship of some kind.I was actually shocked because she was very in depth about her feelings and what she was looking for.This was because she didnt really know me,or me her.I should say I was attracted to her also, but once again,didnt give it serious thought because of the distance between us.

 

we start talking,daily..come to find we had ALOT of similarities, one being we worked in the same industry.the 2nd, was that because of her occupation she told me she was to come to my town (which is some unheard of place) in North Dakota within a few mos.>before i could question her on it, she emphasised she was in no way lying, and told me how "weird" it was that I lived in a place she was supposed to come to that no one had heard of.

 

Then things got weird, one day her myspace is gone...I was a bit shocked,but even more shocked when I had a message from her the same nite on my email account which she did not have.how she got it I have no idea...so in her message she gave me her cell# and e mail address,she said she had been looking for me online for 6 hrs.. I called her,(to make sure I was dealing with a real person) and we talked for over an hr on the phone

 

a few weeks later, we are still talking,texting emailing.the plan originaly was we were going to meet by air in Denver, the week this was discussed i get an email from her asking me if I would ever move down there. I immediatley thought "NO" but we had talked and shared alot and I could tell something was up with her.Like I said we had alot in common or so it seemed and I did feel some kind of connection. right around this time, i had a job offer in new orleans and decided to drive down there. now, heres some more weird stuff..the day I left,she didnt know what hourr I left, and as I was leaving town (11:30) pm..I am thinking to myself, "this is kinda crazy" and 2nd guessing my decision, mainly out of fear ..right then, she calls she says she KNEW I was on the road, so that told me to keep going,. I drove 1400 miles in about 1.5 days we texted back & forth the entire trip

 

the same thing happened when i crossed into TX, she called.."where are you>?" It was as if she knew...anyways, we meet in person,the day I get there.at a bar,just casual having a few beers..we hit it off, I mean right from the 1st minute.the chemistry was definitley there.I was nervous,but her body language told me everything.That nite we went to a friend of mine 's who lived down there. he had a barbeque,and SHE suggested spending the nite. I wanted to wait before getting intimate, I mean we had kissed probably 15 minutes after meeting in person, but I thought the 1st day and date not get carried away..we DID end up sleeping together the 1st nite, and that is what I think killed it in the end.I told her I wanted to wait, but at the same time was VERY attracted to her.the next morning she stayed until about 1 in the afternoon.

 

I met some of her family the next week,and things seemed to be going good,she invited me down to her place. we were out having dinner and drinks, she gives me a cross on a silver chain, and tells me "don't ever take this off" I was speechless.same thing, because we around her family and at their house I don't think about getting intimate w/her that nite, but as she was showing me her rock collection, i turn around her clothes are off and we are in bed,she is telling me she wants to have kids w /me (nice to hear,but frightening since it is week 2 of being together in person) the next night we went out again,(just me and her)we held hands,walked around the downtown and talked. we get back to her place and I decide to go back to where i was staying(I really liked her and didnt wanna overkill it) she says "dont be a stranger",we kiss tells me to call her to let her know i made it home ok, and that she wanted to see me on sunday, which was the next day...and that was the LAST time we seen one another....i called, i emailed for 3 days.. &nothing......

 

then finally an email,from her saying she had the greatest time, but doesnt want a relationship,feels smothered and needs to focus on work etc. and so sorry i had to come all the way down there.to Texas..and wants to know my thoughts on this..to please tell her my thoughts

 

my thoughts???? ??? > Im devastated,thats my thoughts...so, i tried giving her cross back to her 3x while i was down there, I emailed er back,I was upset and mainly confused at the suddeness she insisted i keep it.(the cross).why?

 

then, when i told her i am going back up north, she got mad

she says "i dont understand how you can just pack up and leave"

but yet,she doesnt want a relationship,

 

finally i left Texas...this happened in August, I left Oct 2

I still have her cross, I have texted her, email her and she doesnt write back, i dont want to keep what she gave me,especially if theres another guy now, but she doesnt reply when i bring it up (about the cross)

if i text about something else, she will come off rude and snotty

 

this situation has messed with my head bad, mainly because of what she wrote online, about her feelings toward me and what she wanted, and her pre-texas text msgs

 

then after we were intimate, not once but many times, and got introduced to some of her family, she gives me her cross and dumps me the next day......

 

I asked her if her coming to North dakota in the beginning was a lie, and have gotten no response. I just dont know what to make of the situation and in all honesty would love to be back w/her. everything seemed to happen really fast and I told myself if it didnt work out w/ her I would leave TX and come back north.

 

part of me doesnt understand her actions, another part thinks she lied to just have a "fling" but that gets contradicted because when i had met the oldest brother he had said she told him ALOT about me, and then the cross, why give it to me KNOWING she is gonna break it off the next day, and why say all this stuff. at one point I was ready to check in to a psych ward because I have pages and pages of e mails from e mails from her,texts, picture texts,this cross, insistance from her that I meet the fam, and then like a light switch, she shuts off.

 

we have talked via phone 1x since TX, that was halloween, we talked 25-30 mins, just casual, asking how each other is, and then abrubtly she said she had to go and hung up...

 

please give some opinions and advice on this sitch, i t would be appreciated greatly. I really really like this girl.<

[Timberlane]

I think your analogy to "Great Expectations" is spot on. I'll put it a little less eloquently. You met a manipulative, attractive, crazy bitch that you now need to untangle yourself from. But this will take a bit of time, since it sounds like you got quite mired in the web. Luckily, you live 1400 miles away. Find the discipline to block her messages and stop thinking about it.

[sb129]

She certainly sounds unhinged.

 

i wonder why she couldn't have stalked someone a little closer to her own state?

 

MrM, I think you need to delete all contact info you have for her, then get yourself a new email address.

 

This isn't going to have a happy ending I'm sorry to say, best you try to forget about it and learn from it and move on.

 

She is exactly the kind of woman that gives us a bad name.

[Ariadne]

Ok,

 

please give some opinions and advice on this sitch, i t would be appreciated greatly. I really really like this girl.

 

I tell you what happened.

 

You met her and she didn't like you.

 

That's all there is to it.

 

You went there and you were like a puppy dog, doing everything she wanted, thrown at her feeet, no spine, turn off.

 

When you got there was the time to actually seduce her, not throw yourself at her feet.

 

Just forget about it, she's turned off by you now, nothing you can do about.

 

Ariadne

[BlueEyedGirl]

I agree with Ariadne. She simply didn't like you after you met. I would have acted the same way as her if I didn't like some guy, but since he has come a long way and why not etc..

 

Basically the fact that she iniated and wanted to be initmate first day should tell you that she didn't see you as bf relationship material and therefore didn't care if she slept with you too quickly. When I really like someone, I think about those things a lot and would take great care of when to kiss, sleep together etc.

 

When I don't like the guy but feel low/bored and can sense some interest, I come on really strong, ask the guy out, initiate the physical. That is only because I couldn't care less if it ends, in fact I always end it pretty soon.

 

Maybe she is like me, so the less I like someone, the more *I will seem to like him*, compliments, calls, physical etc. When I truly like a guy, I'm extremly careful with words and actions

[Ariadne]

I would have acted the same way as her if I didn't like some guy, but since he has come a long way and why not etc..

 

Yeah........

[MrMichael]

well, that makes sense....somewhat, but she had the opportunity to end it from the 1st night....I mean, she left the next day, and the following week we met up again, also when she told me she didnt think it would work, I told her I was gonna just go back home she got angry, dont you see the bipolarity in this? something I didnt put in the initial post was that before I had come down there, she accused me of possibly seeing someone else, or others and called it off. being that I wasn't, i got mad and told her I didnt think i should come down there... Thats what I don't get....why hang out AND have explosive lovemaking (not 1x 1, night, but on Several occasions)AND introduce me to family gve me jewelry, religious jewelry at that and then, like a lite switch shut off.....maybe for me, if all I wanted was to get laid I wouldnt have gone to the extremes she did to play such a role.

[MrMichael]

"Maybe she is like me, so the less I like someone, the more *I will seem to like him*, compliments, calls, physical etc. When I truly like a guy, I'm extremly careful with words and actions"

 

 

can you explain this a bit more?

[O'Malley]

You're assuming she had the same intent as you did from the beginning. Having sex early on was easy for her simply because she already came to the decision that you were attractive but not someone she wanted a relationship with. Add in the other mind games she pulled and you have someone you really wouldn't want in your life.

[CD111]

I just think the chick is crazy. Forget about her, chuck the gift and move on. I don't think she realized she didn't like you. I think she doesn't know what she wants, she was way forward. Wanting to initiate a relationship one minute and the next running for the hills. Doesn't make any sense. Who wants to be with a chick like that? Estella all the way. I have also tried the internet dating thing and have figured out that even though you talk to people for months everyday and think you really know a person. However, once you meet in person people are not always as they seem or as you imagine them to be. Also if she did decide she didn't like you and totally put on a show of fake interest for so many days, would you really want to be with a person like that anyway? Crazy girls like that just give women a bad name. Don't stress about it too much just move on.

[MrMichael]

..."even though I warn you,the girl will break your heart terribly, and yet, you'll STILL persue her...ain't love grand.." - great expectations

[sumdude]

I agree with Ariadne. She simply didn't like you after you met. I would have acted the same way as her if I didn't like some guy, but since he has come a long way and why not etc..

 

Basically the fact that she iniated and wanted to be initmate first day should tell you that she didn't see you as bf relationship material and therefore didn't care if she slept with you too quickly. When I really like someone, I think about those things a lot and would take great care of when to kiss, sleep together etc.

 

When I don't like the guy but feel low/bored and can sense some interest, I come on really strong, ask the guy out, initiate the physical. That is only because I couldn't care less if it ends, in fact I always end it pretty soon.

 

Maybe she is like me, so the less I like someone, the more *I will seem to like him*, compliments, calls, physical etc. When I truly like a guy, I'm extremly careful with words and actions

 

LOL Wow, if this isn't some insight into the part of womens thinking that men don't understand than what is..

[LovesDog]

I agree with the first couple of posts. Delete her contact info. ALL OF IT. She was psycho in the beginning. She will be psycho in the end. Sounds almost like she was manipulating you to feel better about herself; get back at an old heartbreak or something. I don't care how much you like/love her. Find a new hobby and move on. Find someone normal and caring. You don't deserve this. Forget about it, don't talk about it, don't dwell on it. Search anew my friend.

[CD111]

Sumdude, not all women operate like that. Definitely not my style.

[sumdude]

Sumdude, not all women operate like that. Definitely not my style.

 

Yeah I wasn't generalizing if it seemed that way... BUT there are many women who do and they confuse the heck out of us guys. Acting the opposite of what you feel? Wazupwidat?

[Citizen Erased]

Yeah I wasn't generalizing if it seemed that way... BUT there are many women who do and they confuse the heck out of us guys. Acting the opposite of what you feel? Wazupwidat?

 

A phenomenon not merely limited to women let me tell you that

[MrMichael]

When I don't like the guy but feel low/bored and can sense some interest, I come on really strong, ask the guy out, initiate the physical. That is only because I couldn't care less if it ends, in fact I always end it pretty soon.

 

Maybe she is like me, so the less I like someone, the more *I will seem to like him*, compliments, calls, physical etc. When I truly like a guy, I'm extremly careful with words and actions

 

 

wtf? ....this is the kind of thinking that makes my head spin, If she is Like you, which- I cannot speak for you, how do you validate persuing someone 6 states away, hacking into their private e mail account, telling them your entire life story, every detail about your past relationships, sending them picture texts wearing seductive sleep wear, texting them and leaving voicemail and postcards that they are on your mind constantly, offer tp pay for airfare to meet in person, and when they drive to meet you, you introduce them to your immediate family, tell them you want to have children, and give them a cross on a silver chain that one of your family members gave you and NOT like them>??????

 

so if she is not talking to me now and is silent does that mean she DOES like me??? <being sarcastic of course, but how can someone validate or justify treating another peson this way? does she have man-hater issues?

[BeautifulMystique]

Sumdude, not all women operate like that. Definitely not my style.

 

You're correct on that! Not all women are like that. I think that's just way too selfish, IMO.

[BlueEyedGirl]

Guys,

 

I'm more screwed up than most people, so it's likely other women aren't as bad. But I have to say, even I think this woman is psycho. I surely wouldn't go nearly as far.

 

I'm just trying to give men some insight of how women's (screwed up version) brain works. Obviously it's not the same for everyone.

 

But biggest trigger for acting irrational and "using" men I don't truly like then discarding them is when I get hurt by someone I do like. Is there a chance she was recently heartbroken? For me it's then partly payback for a guy that broke my heart, partly me wanting to feel desirable again after my whole sense of self was destroyed.

[MrMichael]

I don't know...Blue eyed., maybe she ended it out of fear of getting hurt..I know for a FACT there was no other guy -after me -or during,(apparently she IS seeing someone else now)I stayed down there almost 2 mos AFTER the split and know there was no NEW guy then,so promiscuity wasn't the issue..I know from emailing back and forth prior to meeting she had accused ME of seeing others, and explained because her brother entertained "several" women at once, I was capable of the same thing..

 

so in essence of what you wrote, maybe she elected to be the dumper instead of the dumpee, because she was angered when I said I would leave TX, and I know she was checking out my myspace after i got back up northbecause i had Traxor, and she was the ONLY tx person who knew of my page...

[Ariadne]

maybe she ended it out of fear of getting hurt..

 

O M G...

 

O M G...

[MrMichael]

thanks for all the reply's... I just wonder if people meet for reasons or this was some random deal, I mean some of the coincidental stuff blew my mind..

[JCD]

I think you should be wary of anyone that tells you after two weeks that she wants to have your babies, etc. Whenever you see something take off so fast you need to slow it down so that you'll have time to reevaluate the situation and not get caught up in it.

[MrMichael]

I think you should be wary of anyone that tells you after two weeks that she wants to have your babies

 

yeah, I see how that is waaayyyy soon, I found out she is on medication..does that explain any of this?

[Blue Eyed Brain]

wtf? ....

 

MrMichael, Is this any different from a guy acting interested till he sleeps with someone and then dumps them?

 

I'm not saying it's right, just rationalizing the way guys have been for centuries.

 

It also maybe that her original intention were good, but something happened? You will never really know. Does it matter? You don't have the girl, so you need to move on.

 

Don't look at this as a bad thing. Take this as a learning experience. This happened to you to get you to the one you really want and need. You may only want this one 'cause you can't have her, but there's someone out there that you may not have met, wanted you bad! Keep the spirit and keep trying. It's there for you and when you find it, it's incredible...