kitkat289 Posted December 2, 2007 Posted December 2, 2007 Well its my day-4 of NC and I dont feel very desperate or too sad but yeah sometimes when I miss him, I cry for a while and if i feel like saying something to him then I write an SMS and instead of sending,I 'save' it. That works but last night I ended up giving him a missed call not because I couldnt control much but just felt like and he knows that like him I also miss him big time when we dont talk...After all our NC periods he has always confessed that he thinks of me atleast 3 times a day and he misses me more during his classes when he's sitting at the back,not listening to the lecturer.he just keeps head down and thinks of us.He tells me how much special Iam in his life and will always be but I know he's always thinking seriously about our relationship.He's honest and has told me about his fear of commitment and tells me he regrets for hurting me for so long over such small things and I know he didnt do anything intentionally.It was a different phase when he had stopped value-ing me and made a completely different image of him in my mind.He knows I love him a lot and he told me that he once discussed with his friend about this problem.He told her that he soo wants to get back and believed both of us cannot live like that (in the friendship mode) but he told her about his fear.he said "she loves me but she says she loves me because of those memories and she tells me how different my image has become in her mind..." That is so true but t he thing is I used to tell him all this when I was angry,when I felt more of hatred for him.I started believeing that I only loved the days we had spent and not 'him' as a person since he seemed so changed.I loved the person he was at THAT time (for 1 and a half year).He's a very nice guy and he does understand everything well and really cares.He's not one of those who get sick a nd tired of listening to what they think is 'crap' but he cared enough for me even in those hard times when I felt it was 1-sided since I was the one who wanted to make things work at any cost.I realise he had not changed but he was just gettin drifted away from me. Now last time I had put the phone down because he felt bad for me not showing my pics to him and for lying to him that I dont have an email account.I had infact made it very clear to him in the beginning that he will never be able to see me/my pics from now and had told him that I didnt want him to even know my email address.(because I wanted to just go away from his life...it was a LDR so he could only contact me online or know about my life through the Orkut site, so I had removed all my old accounts and my profile) Now the thing is I know that this time he wont call me atleast for 3-4 weeks because the last time was 2 weeks or it could be possible that he really really wants to be strong this time but what he doesnt know is that i will NEVER contact him and that I will NOT see him when he comes here in the last week of dec (he will be getting a job in Jan and so I really want to work hard on myself to not to be so easily available) Its not easy doing NC because I just hate myself checking out my phone atleast 10-15 times a day(I dont get very frustrated though because I remind myself that I shouldnt expect and he will not call) To feel better I switch off my phone and keep it on only for 4-5 hours in a day whenever I feel like but not in the night when there;s high chance of him calling me up. I think Iam doing a wrong thing by keeping my phone off because maybe I should work on my self-control rather than controlling my incoming calls.Please give your point of view.i want to know If Iam on the right path or not. And I dont understand why Iam so confident that in the end he will come back to me only.May be because sometimes he gets mad for me(last time he was drunk and kept saying sorry 100 times for hurting me and I couldnt stop laughing but felt good that he sincerely realised it)...maybe because both of us are equally sentimental...I dont know why and I have told him so many times "I know this...didnt I tell you before?I know you cant feel like that for any other girl and we cant have so much fun with anybody else" and he accepts and sometimes he keeps saying the same things that I used to tell him.
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