How to succeed in marriage

[amalik]

Marriage is like a plant it grows, with the other one by its side.

 

After 10 years of marriage we've learnt: 1) Do not confront your mate, one of you back down.

2) Be willing to die for your mate

3) Communicate; Forgive when you can

4) Keep working at your job

5) Journey with others married

6) Have friends and family

7) Be like a snake through the rocks of life

8) Ask GOD for help just this time

 

Good Luck and see you on the 20th hole

[Leia]

Be like a snake? Are you kidding me? Do you know cheaters are equivalent to a snake? That they are so slick and smooth (some of them that haven't gotten caught) like a snake. So are you trying to say that you've learned how to be a cheater since you're married for 10 years? Or did you just get this out of a book or the internet?

 

I'm sorry but don't confront your spouse? Back down? So if one cheats, you shouldn't confront? Just let him or her be and live with it?

[reboot]

I'm sorry but don't confront your spouse? Back down? So if one cheats, you shouldn't confront? Just let him or her be and live with it?

No, no, no. You misundertand. The bolded words I understand, and agree with. It's something my wife and I have learned to do. But we're not talking about major issues here (like cheating). We're talking about those little, stupid things that happen every day that turn into huge, stupid fights. One of us always backs down now. It doesn't matter which. The one that didn't usually winds up feeling silly. And a kiss usually follows.

[Touche]

I agree reboot. Trouble starts though when it's only ONE of you doing the backing down all the time...been there, done that. That was with the ex. That's why he's an EX.

 

I didn't get the thing about "keep working at your job." Huh? What's your job have to do with anything? What if you quit your job and do another job instead? Is your marriage doomed?

[reboot]

Trouble starts though when it's only ONE of you doing the backing down all the time

And when neither of you will...

[Touche]

And when neither of you will...

 

Yes, exactly.

[Leia]

No, no, no. You misundertand. The bolded words I understand, and agree with. It's something my wife and I have learned to do. But we're not talking about major issues here (like cheating). We're talking about those little, stupid things that happen every day that turn into huge, stupid fights. One of us always backs down now. It doesn't matter which. The one that didn't usually winds up feeling silly. And a kiss usually follows.

 

That I can understand... thanks.

[OpenBook]

No, no, no. You misundertand. The bolded words I understand, and agree with. It's something my wife and I have learned to do. But we're not talking about major issues here (like cheating). We're talking about those little, stupid things that happen every day that turn into huge, stupid fights. One of us always backs down now. It doesn't matter which. The one that didn't usually winds up feeling silly. And a kiss usually follows.

 

Why does this make me want to cry?!? That is so SWEET reboot...

[reboot]

Why does this make me want to cry?!? That is so SWEET reboot...

Thanks, but it was actually my wife's idea.

 

It amazes me how much pain we humans have to go through sometimes to learn really, really simple concepts. I often think dogs are smarter than us.

[Curmudgeon]

I often think dogs are smarter than us.

 

That's a no-brainer. The vast majority of them don't have to work and are pampered every day of their lives. They're not our pets. We're their humans.

 

As for the rest, "fair" fighting is essential:

 

1) Agree to "fight." If only one does it it's a lecture.

2) No hitting below the belt verbally.

3) Anything that occurred more than 48 hours ago is old news and has no part in the discussion.

4) Have a conversation, not a confrontation. Remember, you love one another.

 

Beyond that, remember that people who love one another:

 

(a) don't subject their spouse to shock, distress, pain or dismay;

(b) discuss issues, not present them as done deals. The rest of the partnership should have a say;

© don't surprise/blindside one another;

(d) don't commit the time or energy of the other without discussing it with them first and getting their permission. They also don't commit themselves to something that will mean time away from their spouse without discussion and consensus.