Mylife Posted December 1, 2007 Posted December 1, 2007 omg...please...please ppl dont ignore this post of mine...i know that 99% of my posts r ignored...because i am new here and usually just go and on ranting...i just prefer to let it all of my chest... soo i went to this jam tonite at my uni...that i went to last year...and thats where i became friends with him...and later started dating him...he is still at that uni...i switched out to another school. well anyway...99% of my best friends are there...soo all of us went to the jam tonite....and u know...i just...i just...knew he was gonna be there...and i jsut wanted to spend time with my friends soo bad since i dont get to see them as much since i switched out...soo i went...and yea HE WAS THERE!!!....he saw me and gave me the elevator look...well i was pretty dressed up... and it was fine...rite when i saw him...cuz like we have loaaaadss of common friends...and i was going crazy dancing...and i caught him watching me dance...and i ignored it... we all friends...danced in groups and me and him were both part of the gourp...dancing... he danced with a few friends of mine...which was good too... but i was having fun for the most part and felt happy...but his happiness seemed soo fake...like soo soooo fake...and i caught some of his friends saying something to him in his year while pointing to me while i was dancing... i dunno well it was going fine...and when i got a moment to speak with my girls...i was like i am soo happy that things are better...and that he is being normal... i mean i even took loadsss and loadss of group pics with him...on his phn...and on other cameras...and everything.... what i wanted was that i can talk to him...go up to him and just say hi...whats up...it was never me and him talking...we didnt really talk....well kinda not all...just smiled at eachother.... i thought that things were gonna be better now....and that when i go to visit my friends...i can feel ok if he is around....and feel like a friend to him... and then...i was monitoring coat check...since me and my friends had organized this jam...and he came to take his coat...and it was awfuly early there was about 1 hr or more for the jam to finish....and i got his coat for him....took it off the hanger...and gave it to him... he just gave me this look...a pretty random one...and turned away and walked out...no thanks...no bye...no takecare...nothing at alll....he just left with his friends...out the door...and i watched him leave untill he was outta sight... it jsut hurt sooooo bad what he did...i mean he was fine the whole nite..took pics and danced...although i did feel that the happiness in front of seemed alittle fake...but mebbe it was just me... but i felt like that person..who is being all happy...and he was the one feeling bad that she has totally forgotten it all and is happy...but being with my friends and going crazy dancing is my passion...so yeah i was having fun... i dunnooo i just feel like crying sooooooo bad rite now...u cant even imagine ....and i just realised taht the last thing i had to eat was a glass of milk tday morning at 7.......i have a horrible headache...i feel like ccrying....and i feel sooo alone ....and rite now i feel soo horrible cuz i also feel happy about not eating...which in a way i did on purpose...cuz i am FAT...and i need to loose the weight...and dont find the time to workout and i can get myself to...and feel horrible feeling that way... i have never done this before...and feel like i am going to faint...with the 4 hrs of dancing...no foood...horrible headache...and just thinking over and over of what he did today.... MANNNN FUUUUCKKKKIINNGG!!!! SHIIIIIT!....Y IN THE WORLD CANT HE JUST BE NORMAL WITH ME??...I tried and was normal and smiled and he cant even give a smile bak?? seriousllly seriousllly...what in the world should i do???...please anyone tell me anythinggg...to make this all end...i'll do anything to make it stop...i just feel like dying...i feel soo terribly awful!!!!!
madgun68 Posted December 1, 2007 Posted December 1, 2007 One glass of milk isn't enough to sustain the body, especially with the day you had. That headache should be addressed.. As far as him.. Maybe he wasn't feeling "normal".. Perhaps seeing you brought back emotions that made him unhappy. There's just no simple answer to give.
Krytie TV Posted December 1, 2007 Posted December 1, 2007 I think the first thing you should do is take an Ativan... or three. Do you at all see that your response to this situation seems completely manic? I mean that in a purely clinically diagnosable way. Do you act like this when you're around him?
Quinch Posted December 1, 2007 Posted December 1, 2007 I'm guessing you're quite young. You don't know right now how much you still have to live for. There's a big world out there with lots of wonderful people for you to meet and fall in love with. It's all yours for the taking.
sderenzi Posted December 1, 2007 Posted December 1, 2007 I think the first thing you should do is take an Ativan... or three. Do you at all see that your response to this situation seems completely manic? I mean that in a purely clinically diagnosable way. Do you act like this when you're around him? lmao, that's the funniest thing I've ever read. You're so right though I guess
RecordProducer Posted December 1, 2007 Posted December 1, 2007 MyLife, are you seeing a therapist? I don't know how to put this in a gentle way, but your post reflects a very unstable person with unclear, discontinuous thoughts; and it's not about poor writing skills (you're a college student). He didn't say "bye" because he is rude or thought that was the right thing to do. Forget him. Do something about yourself.
suffragette13 Posted December 1, 2007 Posted December 1, 2007 This is that weird phonetic text message talk, not merely poor grammar. My sis is a university professor and we having running jokes about it. www.transl8it.com There's a method to the madness for the kiddies. Mylife, I am sorry for the pain that you're going through. It is hard to lose a loved one, esp when you are so young and free spirited. You'll be ok. Focus on school and becoming a whole lot more mature. The truth is, your posts are very difficult to read and are about subjects that everyone goes through. There's not a whole lot to say about some guy looking at you funny, ykwim? He's an ass! You wind up kissing a bunch of frogs at your age I'm afraid. I promise if you get your game on (read, have other interests, tennis, yoga, poker) take care of yourself (keep dancing as an outlet and a way of excercise) eat right (veggies), get enough sleep (at least 8 hours), you will feel a whole lot better. So, chill out, take a MAJOR break with the ellipses (...'s) and you will have the added benefit of increasing your appeal to guys. If only I could take my own advice! ergh! hugs
SunnyLady Posted December 1, 2007 Posted December 1, 2007 I think the first thing you should do is take an Ativan... or three. Do you at all see that your response to this situation seems completely manic? I mean that in a purely clinically diagnosable way. Do you act like this when you're around him? Not a very helpful post considering her situation. You need to let go of this fellow. I know it may not be want you wish to hear at this point in time, but you're hurting yourself. Don't underestimate the impact a deficit of food nutrients can have on you. You say you're fat? Get to the gym and do some work. You will feel better about yourself. Moreso i have often been told that activities of that natue release hormones which excite the body which could stimulate your brain and generally make you a happier person. You don't sound very old which is good for you. You have a long way to go...you will meet many more people. Don't let that weigh you down, breakups are a part of life. Everyone has been through one at some point in their lives. Don't despair, stary strong, set goals and devise methods to achieve them. That's the way i go around breakups beacuse it is so eays to get overwhelemed with all these emotions. I don't know the cicrumstances surrounding yours? Care to give a few details?
Author Mylife Posted December 1, 2007 Author Posted December 1, 2007 Madgun...I know one glass of milk wasn't enough...i had a pretty busy day...but even though i was starving...i dunno...just feel eating more will make me even fatter or somehting...i dunno...i mean i didnt see him untill the late evening...yet still all day i dunno y i jsut didnt eat... and i know seeing me brought back emotions for him...it did for me too...but i try and be normal about it...y cant he?? Krytie: Firstly, hehe...i have no idea what an ativan is...and i realised that very second...that what the hell..y am i acting so dumb??...but i dunno i just was soo upset...and i slept on it...yet i still feel upset rite now...not as much...but i do...and i did see him once before when i went to visit my friends...and he was normal then...but it was a 2 sec seeing him...and saying hi...and no i didnt act this way last time i was around him... Quinch: Yeah i am 18...it doesn't feel that young to me...i know there is alot for me out there...and really wanna experience it all...but i cant seem to with all this going on...thts y i just want it all to end Sdrenzi: lol...i guess it is kinda funny...especially my reaction...but i cant really help it...i am just upset..thts all Recordproducer: No i am not and have never seen a therapist...and yeah...i am very unstable...and very confused...because i was fine for the past few weeks about him...and now all of a sudden this happens...and i know its written pretty bad...but the only reason for that is taht it was a rant...and continous...un thought of type...just blurted out all the feelings and whatever came to my head...as i was in tears while writing it.. and u really think that he was being rude by not saying anything?...is he actually trying to be mean to me in someway??...then y was he fine the whole nite...and rite b4 leaving he is mean like that? and i dunno what to do about myself!! suffta: yeah i am 18...and a comuter/chatting/smsing freak...soo i guess u kinda get used to talking like that while on the comp. And yeah...i did focus on school and it was all going fine...and the this happened...and it all came back again... and about ur like about "being mature"...even he called me immature over and over...and used to get pissed at me about it..a lot of times...but that was when i screamish about having a bee come close to me...things like that... and i guess my posts are difficult to read...cuz so many of them are just me letting it go...and just writing out what comes to my head without thinking...because i jsut want to let alll out in words...i wish i was more experienced in this situation to know what to do and how to get out of it...he was my first bf btw...but i dunno if he is actually an ass...he cared..a lot and i am a dancer...i love dancing...its my passion...but thing is just that i live at home with my parents...and m at school rite now...so have no job and no money...well my parents r providing everything...but like...i dunno if i should use my parent's money and join dance classes and stuff...i just am not the kind that wastes money...and i cant afford the time in a job rite now...need to focus on my grades... and i really really do want a break...a day when he doesnt come to mind...a day where i am alone...and just doing something fun...just for myself...and then again something taht doesnt cost...i wanna be alone for sometime...especially away from home... and i really wish i could increase my appeal to guys...i mean he was the first guy i dated....first guy i had as a bf...and b4 him i always felt...y would a guy wanna go out with me...i am not worthy of any guys cuz of my looks...and after me and him split...i feel it sometimes too...not as much though...because i know i can be loved now by a guy... Sunny lady: i know i need to let go...and i thought i had...for the most part...cuz its been 6 weeks since the break up...and 5 weeks of nc..and i know i know i should have eaten...i just dunno y i didnt...and i hve never done this b4... and yeah i know i should go to the gym...but with school and stuff...i never seem to find the time to...... and yeah i am 18...and its my first bf...first breakup...soo its just hard...veryy... and yes i will try and stay strong... as for my story...short and simple.... was best friends with him for 6 months...then we started liking eachother...and started dating...and was beautiful at first...2 months...then he just started expecting a lot...and thought it would all just fall rite into place without putting any effort into the relationship...when i missed him and would say i want to see u...cuz we met about once a week...he once said...u r addicted to seeing me...y cant u relax and be a bit more mature...well it was just a down time in our relationship and i used be down...a lot...then he told his parents who live in another country...(he is n international student) soo he finally told them about me...and they didnt agree with him having a gf...(culture issues)...and he didnt even try to convince them....even though i had with my parents...soo he wanted to end it...i said give it some time and think about it b4 u make such quick decision...because he was crying while telling me...and was confused himself...and i was crying...soo we decided to give it time...then it jsut didnt work...and i called him and just said...if u want to to end it...we can...and it was a nice normal talk..no fight nothing...just an understanding...he kept saying he wants to end it..but is really sorry..and loves me...but is soo confused...and messed up everything so bad and stuff...but anyway...we decided to be friends...obv havent talked very much since...but i guess we both need time to get over those feelings b4 we can be friends...soo thats my story... oh my long long post...but everyone...thanku...so much for ur posts..it did help reallly...i just pray that things get better and if i ever have to see him again...that he is just normal...thts all that i want
Author Mylife Posted December 1, 2007 Author Posted December 1, 2007 see this long post...i realised that i am a huge ranterr...i can go and on for hours... u know soo many ppl hve told me...how much do u talk??...ppl say i talk non stop without breathing.... well no one has yet been mean to me about it...they all love it and yeh so did he...cuz i know when to be quiet depending on the situation... i never really thought i actually had so much to say...about anything...and i never agreed that i talk soo muhc..but looking at my posts here...lol...I THINK I DO!... but i dunno if its a good thing or a bad thing or jsut a part me being me...but yes...i do love to talk...
Darth Vader Posted December 2, 2007 Posted December 2, 2007 Serious question, Do you think you have ADD, or ADHD? Please, get checked out. It does help.
Mittens Posted December 2, 2007 Posted December 2, 2007 If you talk like you post, I don't blame him for not saying a word when he left. He was probably worried he would have to listen to your verbal diarrhea for hours. You really need to learn to edit your thoughts and posts. No one has to hear or read everything that goes through your mind. The fact that you are at college and still haven't acquired this skill is frightening. I would concentrate on my education and forget about men for awhile.
whichwayisup Posted December 3, 2007 Posted December 3, 2007 Break-up's hurt, especially when it's your first boyfriend so all I can say is, everyone has gone through it and survived it. Take things one day at a time and do yourself a favour, change your routine, avoid places where you know he'll be - And, if by chance you do see him, ignore him. Expect nothing from him as he doesn't owe you anything anyway because you two are not together anymore...You need to get back into NC mode and stay that way.
KenzieAbsolutely Posted December 3, 2007 Posted December 3, 2007 i think you need to learn to stop letting another person, especially one who is no longer a part of you, rule every aspect of your life. it's not healthy. obviously. when you realize that, you will start feeling better.
Author Mylife Posted December 3, 2007 Author Posted December 3, 2007 hmm ok guys...i get it...i'll be strong...and try and control the over talking...although that never bothered him..he loved to talk too...and my friends and family whom i hve been with for years love to hear me talk...and he did too...but we'll see...thanks for all your help guys...take care
RecordProducer Posted December 3, 2007 Posted December 3, 2007 MyLife... this is not about IM talk style... I've had IM's with people... they were never confused like this... it's about a mess in your head... Do you get my message? I tried to read the part where you talk about how your relationship developed and I had to read it five times. I had enormous trouble concentrating and finally, I didn't understand much. I've read posts of confused and uneducated people here on LS. Sometimes they are dense or difficult to read, because they are pumped up with emotions, but I've always understood everything they were trying to convey and I've never read such confusion of thoughts like I've read in your posts. You sound really manic in your posts. I really, really think you should see a doctor. It's also not about talking too much. It's about repeating the same things and bringing new things without any connection. I think you need help. In your own world, all this makes sense, but in the mainstream world, it doesn't. People ignore your posts, because they can't read them. We responded to this one only because you begged to be heard. I feel so so rry for you, but I really think that medications could help you. Your thoughts are racing (ADHD was a god reference, but you're a bit too old for that to have such strong effect on you). Please, please, please, seek professional help.
vivrantflo Posted December 3, 2007 Posted December 3, 2007 Some of you people on here are rude, and waaay too judgemental.. She's a young lady, whom is obviously hurting, and she came to LOVESHACK, not her ENGLISH CLASS to seek advise. Give her advice, and stop calling her manic. She's young, and you can tell she was typing fast. This is a place for all of us to vent, and let things out. Quit putting her down, and making fun of her grammatical errors.. if you can't read it, click "back" and comment on another post.
RecordProducer Posted December 3, 2007 Posted December 3, 2007 Some of you people on here are rude, and waaay too judgemental.. She's a young lady, whom is obviously hurting, and she came to LOVESHACK, not her ENGLISH CLASS to seek advise. Give her advice, and stop calling her manic. She's young, and you can tell she was typing fast. This is a place for all of us to vent, and let things out. Quit putting her down, and making fun of her grammatical errors.. if you can't read it, click "back" and comment on another post. Excuse me, Viv, I wasn't making fun of her English. I wasn't making fun of her, period. I am concerned about a person who expresses her thoughts in such a chaotic way.
KenzieAbsolutely Posted December 3, 2007 Posted December 3, 2007 click "back" and comment on another post. yet you felt the need to comment and tell people they are rude for trying to help someone in an honest way. try following your own advice.
Author Mylife Posted December 3, 2007 Author Posted December 3, 2007 Ok everyone listen This is about me...and my craziness...yes I agree with viv that I just type really fast and just go on and on ranting when I am upset... Record I am not uneducated firstly, I am a good student in college and am getting good grades. I usually get very high marks on my essays and other writing assignments. I have also written poetry and short stories. There is nothing wrong with me and do not need to see a doctor. I was just really sad when i wrote all that and had a flood of emotions. The rest of you...as i said...this is about me...please don't cause arguments between fellow LS members because of me. People have different views about things, and just take it as a different view rather than a comment against you.
Author Mylife Posted December 3, 2007 Author Posted December 3, 2007 And to add..Record...thoughts when just written exactally as they are thought are usually chaotic. When I am upset...i dont think of anything else but that what is upsetting me. I use LS more like a journal where I just write what I think even if it may be chaotic. I understand that people read and respond to my entries and have trouble understanding them, but I personally dont think of all that when I am down. I just write and let it all out of my system which itself makes me feel alittle better.
KenzieAbsolutely Posted December 3, 2007 Posted December 3, 2007 There is nothing wrong with me and do not need to see a doctor. I was just really sad when i wrote all that and had a flood of emotions. People have different views about things, and just take it as a different view rather than a comment against you. yes people do have different views, and you should take them as such also. i think when people are telling you to see a doctor, it is because of your penchant for freaking out, for the outbursts, for the feelings you have that you cannot control, to the point of you really losing it. you can't deny that happens, and there are people out there who can help you--professionals, not those of us here on LS. there is only so much we can do, and it's not enough for you. i think you need actual help from someone who can provide it.
Author Mylife Posted December 4, 2007 Author Posted December 4, 2007 Kenzie... I am trying not to take it against me and I really understand and appreciate everyone's concern. I just don't think that my case is that bad that I need a doctor. As in, for the most part I am fine.. before the day I wrote my original post I was into 6 weeks of NC and was doing fine and felt happy for the most part, seeing him and his reaction just brought back emotions that caused me to react the way I did. Likfe for example right now, with what happened the other day, I am fine...i just needed time to get over what had happened. Its just certain days such as when i saw him after so long I felt the way I did, otherwise I am fine most of the time. I personally dont think that i need a doctor, but I'll monitor how I feel and what happens with me and if I feel i will benefit, I'll go and visit the doctor. Right now, my reaction is a once in 8 weeks thing and I dont think thats legitimate enought for a doctor...we all have bad days. But it surprises me how much strangers can care ...i really appriciate all your concerns and really feel loved and cared for like a little girl ...which i maybe considering I am only 18...
KenzieAbsolutely Posted December 4, 2007 Posted December 4, 2007 But it surprises me how much strangers can care ...i really appriciate all your concerns and really feel loved and cared for like a little girl ...which i maybe considering I am only 18... you're welcome, and good luck, honey.
sedgwick Posted December 4, 2007 Posted December 4, 2007 I want so much to read this but I can't deal with the spelling and punctuation! I know I always come off like the English professor around here, but please consider ending sentences with periods! Then I can get through the post!
Recommended Posts