ICS Posted December 1, 2007 Posted December 1, 2007 About two months ago, I began talking to a girl that I have met online. We are both 22 years old. Neither of us know how the other looks like, but we have had many conversations over msn every few days. That is, until a few weeks ago, when she stopped signing onto msn. I didn't think much of it, because I know she has a job to tend to every few days of the week. I, on the other hand, am still in school. A week after she dissappeared, she sent me an email telling me that she wasn't ignoring me, and that her dissappearance is because of her laptop recently breaking down on her. I emailed her back and said I was looking to talk to her soon when she gets her computer fixed. Today, about a week after our last email exchange, she emailed and asked if I was interested in coffee tomorrow, and apologized for the late notice, but that she had to know my answer tonight. Well, I missed the email until just now (1:20 am). I know I would love to meet her for coffee, but I am going to be busy because I have to start studying for my upcoming exams, which starts in 2 days. So, I told her that we should meet for coffee after my exams. However, even when I was typing the email, I began to wonder if this was all happening too fast. After all, we have only talked for a very brief period of time. Secondly, I am actually a little nervous about how it will turn out (but excited at the same time). So, if anyone has any experience meeting others from online for the first time and would like to share, I would be grateful.
littlepiggy1 Posted December 1, 2007 Posted December 1, 2007 A brief period of time? You've been talking to her online for two months. That's an eternity if you ask me. FWIW, I once met a girl for drinks after chatting online for 15 minutes. (The date was a bust, but that's another story). You've waited two freaking months. Meet the girl already. Oh, and it would probably be a good idea to send each other pictures first.
Magnatolia Posted December 1, 2007 Posted December 1, 2007 Yup, two months is overkill. Hell, if you push the boundary too soon, the worst that will happen is she will tell you she is not yet ready. I can't believe you said no because you had to study for your exams, what are they tomorrow or something? I know it's a stressful period, but I'm sure you could squeeze 30-60mins for her. Just let her know you can't spend too long. And get a picture. I know everybody says that beauty is under the skin, but the fact is if you're not attracted to the outer beauty, it doesn't really matter how attractive she is on the inside.
Author ICS Posted December 1, 2007 Author Posted December 1, 2007 Yup, two months is overkill. Hell, if you push the boundary too soon, the worst that will happen is she will tell you she is not yet ready. I can't believe you said no because you had to study for your exams, what are they tomorrow or something? I know it's a stressful period, but I'm sure you could squeeze 30-60mins for her. Just let her know you can't spend too long. And get a picture. I know everybody says that beauty is under the skin, but the fact is if you're not attracted to the outer beauty, it doesn't really matter how attractive she is on the inside. I know the coffee won't take very long, but I had a feeling that meeting with her might create a lasting impression (good or bad) that will divert my attention from my exams.. and I am already stressed as is. In fact, I was just thinking about meeting with her for the last hour and couldn't fall asleep as a result. I could only guess that actually meeting her now may not be the best idea. What you said about physical attraction makes sense, but I am beginning to wonder if the picture could work against me. To be humble, I know I am average looking, but in my experience, girls were attracted to my personality before they were attracted to my looks. Do you think the pic is a good idea?
Magnatolia Posted December 1, 2007 Posted December 1, 2007 Yeah the pic is important. You've done more than enough ground work to have her interested in 'you'. If she has a problem with the way you look, there's no hope for you, regardless of the amount of groundwork.
BeautifulMystique Posted December 1, 2007 Posted December 1, 2007 2 months is overkill, you're right Magnatolia. I wouldn't go on a date or even for just a cup of coffee without knowing how the guy looks like. I'm paranoid because a friend of mine chatted up with a guy online, they met up a few weeks later. He turned out to be her neighbor!
RecordProducer Posted December 1, 2007 Posted December 1, 2007 This is a joke, right? You live in the same area (apperently it's coffee distance) and you think you should talk for months before you meet her? Or is it for years? What do the exams have to do with meeting her? It's just coffee, not marriage. That might very well be the first and last time you will see her. How come you don't know how she looks like? Didn't you guys exchange pictures via Internet? OK, I just read your older post: My profile doesn't have a picture of me there, as I have found that putting my picture up didn't do any good. I don't think I am physically unattractive, as I have had a fair share of girls with crushes on me before in high school. I do, however, think that online dating is rather full of flaky people who seek out profiles with handsome guys. Well, after all, it's the picture that gets noticed and not the words in the profile, as we're all just little icons at someone's disposal in the online world. Ideally, pictures shouldn't be the highlight of a profile, because personality is ever-lasting and physical appearance isn't. In essence, I think that my lack of success with online dating is because I am not part of the racial majority, and those who had a crush on me before were people who knew me for both my personality and my physical appearance. Life can anger me so much sometimes. I get the picture. You know, people who are into looks, if you're not their type, you will not seduce them intellectually by talking to them for a long time without seeing you. I talked to a guy whom I SAW on the camera for four months; I fell in love with him; and when we met in person, it just wasn't IT. Not the looks - the chemistry.
Author ICS Posted December 1, 2007 Author Posted December 1, 2007 I suppose you guys are right, plus, in the spirit of sincerity I think it's only fair that we exhange pictures before seeing each other- for better or for worse. The reason I am a little neurotic about seeing her before I am done with my exams is because exactly one year ago, I failed my exams because of my ex. That was a long story which I had posted a long while back, but I'll give a brief summary of it. One year ago, I have been in a relationship with a girl for 5 years. Things weren't always perfect though, because she didn't cared much about what I wanted in our relationship. Essentially, she would tell me that if I had a problem, then I could leave her, because she is not going to do anything for "a guy". Most guys would have broke it off with her right away, but I didn't because she was my first girlfriend and I always tried to see if she might one day realize that I was serious about her. Anyway, after a suicidal attempt, we found out she had a mental disorder (borderline personality disorder) which affected her personality and behaviour. Since I learned about that, I tried my best to help her, but everything was going downhill, until one night she called the police to ask me to leave her house because I was "bothering her". The police believed her story more than mine, and told me to stay away until she tells me otherwise. After I told them of her recent suicidal attempt, they also made threats to take me to the police station if I did not cooperate and leave. I am not sure if anyone has experienced this, but the incident from that night had been imprinted in my mind forever, and I could not believe that my attempts to help her all went to hell, literally. That was a week from final exams, and I was felt so angry, sad, and betrayed that I had no way to take my mind off what happened. Well, in the end, I failed a year of college because of that. As extreme as it sounds, that experience really scarred me and I just don't want it to happen all over again when I still have some control over it.
RecordProducer Posted December 1, 2007 Posted December 1, 2007 ICS, you can't stay locked in your room forever just because there's a crazy world out there. The world is crazy and scary; you risk to get hurt every time you walk the street, drive your car, go out on a date, sleep with somebody's wife, and even when you fall in love. Don't let your fears control your behavior entirely. Many people suck. Rather than focusing on extreme cases, develop a gut mechanism to avoid possibly troublesome situations. For example, I never go to places where I don't feel safe; I never go with people whom I don't fully trust; I never leave my kids alone in the car, etc. There is only so much you can do. Don't beat yourself up about the police experience. They have to tell you to stay away, cuz they're just doing their job. I truly doubt that it went into your record. In America you can impose a RO on anybody, just like you can order flowers for anybody. And yours was just a warning. I know a person who called the cops on her ex, cuz he came to talk to his daughter who just moved from his house to hers (she just moved back to his house last year). He is a very peaceful man and she explained it as "Of course I didn't want her to go back to her father, I wanted her to stay with me!" The cops know that people call the police when it suits them, not only when it's really necessary.
maynicholas Posted December 1, 2007 Posted December 1, 2007 If your education is important to you than I am going against everyone else's advice and saying STUDY, then meet up with her after your exams. I know the distraction of meeting someone new makes your mind wander when studying. Just be honest and tell her that. Tell her your really excited to see her when your finals are over, let her know you won't be online more than once a day because your education is important to you. She should repect that. Check in with her briefly once every couple of days and STUDY!!!!
Dagny Posted December 1, 2007 Posted December 1, 2007 I agree with the last poster..its your exams..STUDY! There's not really room for distraction here. Even she's the love of your life (which is improbable), you are 22 and will meet other women. However, your grades will probably last you a lifetime. Anyways..if women are interested enough they still will go out after waiting another month....plus that if she does'nt understand you have exams she's probably not as considerate a person as you would like her to be.
EYECANDY000 Posted December 1, 2007 Posted December 1, 2007 I'm just curious to know y u guys have never exchanged pictures of one another. I feel like in this day and age u have a camera phone, digital cam, a picture with you and ur friend.. my point being, I Wouldn't meet someone until I at least know what they look like beforehand. kind of save my self the horror. But if you guys are just meeting up for coffee just as friends and its strictly platonic then I guess looks shouldn't matter..
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