FearNoMore Posted December 1, 2007 Posted December 1, 2007 It has been a year and I need to get this off my chest. I was married for 5 years to a man I claimed to be one of the smartest, kindest and everything else. I fell in love with his good and bad. He loved me (or so I thought) for who and what I am. He cheated on me 3 years into our marriage. No one knew about it. Not even our parents, reason being I didn't want anyone to think I was a bad wife or him a bad husband. When I think about it, I was stupid for not telling anyone because now, here I am finding a place to vent or let out my frustrations that I have kept for a long time. We tried to work it out but it became too much for me to bear. We cried, talked and cried some more then it came to a decision where we both decided to go separate ways. I don't see him as the same man I fell in love with even though deep in my heart, I still love him. How is that? He hurt me and made me think I was not good enough of a wife and yet, I still love this man.
greenizs8 Posted December 1, 2007 Posted December 1, 2007 i think its perfectly normal what you are feeling i too same boat as you ive been divorced for about 6 months now and my x cheated on me too. I feel like i didnt really know who he was and although its taken time we were also seperated for almost 16 months i still sometimes miss the person i thought iwas in love with. Its almost like that person i once knew died and just like anyone who you care about when they die you still love them and miss them dearly and thats how i had to finally get closure with myself i didnt do anything wrong to make him cheat, that was all on him you werent a bad wife and it is very embarassing to have to tell people your husband is cheating especially your fiends, every thing you are feeling is perfectly normal. I had to one day just make an effort to myself that the person he really is now is not the person i once loved because although he hurt me with his cheating and lying and everything else, i was never attracted to that person or that side of him no one would be. but i still miss the person the side of him i use to love. so rest assured your feeling are not misplaced. and as time goes on and you meet someone else those feelings will subsided with time.
Author FearNoMore Posted December 1, 2007 Author Posted December 1, 2007 Yes I think it is perfectly normal but it has been a year now. I think I still feel as if it could have been better if I had put more effort into making it work but I just couldn't. Every bit of the affair that I know of keep playing in my mind. How did you find out about the affair your ex-hubby was having? Did you have any contact with the other woman? I hope you don't mind me asking you these questions. I haven't got friends to talk to except one whom I got to know just recently. It was embarrassing for me to tell my family and friends because we came across as the perfect couple and having a child just made us even more perfect to them. We lived in a big house that is so cozy, threw parties that would be the talk of the town, share so many passionate interests together, all the things only some could dream of. We had it all.... and then the affair. You're spot on there, I love the him I got to know. The man that I shared my life with for that few years until I found out about the affair.
Leia Posted December 1, 2007 Posted December 1, 2007 Your story is almost the same as my aunt's. She was married for almost 20 years and her ex cheated on her. It was devastating for all of us. I am deeply scarred by it because I used to live with them for 3 years. I remembered the happy times we had and for that to happened to her, it wasn't fair at all for any of us. Her kids were badly affected as well. I hope you will take one day at a time to get over this without having to think about it ever again.... or at least not so much as you are right now.
Author FearNoMore Posted December 1, 2007 Author Posted December 1, 2007 Thank you, Leia. I'm sorry for what your aunty went through. I can assure you, I know how she felt. I hope she's moving on now and having a better life. I hope you're doing better too, sweety. It isn't easy when you're around people that you think nothing like this would happen to them... I am still struggling but not so much now. Just need to let some steam off!
foreverchanged Posted December 7, 2007 Posted December 7, 2007 FNM- Did you and your husband go to Marriage Counseling? I am sorry you didn't have someone to talk to, this is one of the worst situations to be in, I know. Having a close friend or if you attend church maybe your minister? Where is your family, you should be able to talk to them? I have heard that the death of a cheating spouse would be easier to overcome then the betrayal by that spouse, and I believe it. If you both still love each other and are willing to work on yourselves and the relationship theres nothing saying you can't begin a "new" life together. Remember this, YOU had NOTHING to do with his choice to CHEAT. That is his to own 100%. He needs to find out why he made that choice and start from there. GOOD LUCK
Recommended Posts