Heavenly55 Posted December 1, 2007 Posted December 1, 2007 For those of you who have met people off the internet, do you find meeting someone at a bar, lounge, going for a drink, a social type setting better for a first date verses something intimate like dinner or a movie. I met one other guy at a bar and thank god I did bc after one drink I knew it was time to go. I feel there's less pressure and especially since it's the first time meeting it's just easier. I've been talking to this guy for close to a month now on the phone. Now right away he wanted to get together that weekend, I didn't. The the following weekend and the next but I was sick so couldn't. He's nice, laid back, we do have things in common, is easy going but seems kinda needy, inexperienced with women, which I guess can be sorta cute, texting all the time, really wants a gf, dead end job stuff like that. I'm trying to lower my standards so to speak and give people more of a chance since I can be overly picky. So we had plans last Saturday for the movies. It never happened on his part and his texting and not knowing that I still wanted to go:rolleyes:. Then the next night he asks me if I want to drive to his area to meet him. He lives about 45 min away but is originally from my area and works here. I said no, bc I'm not driving to a guy I never met yets house to what sit with his parents. And plus I don't do plans last minute. So we make plans again for this fri the movies. So he tells me he'll pick me up, we'll go out to eat and I told him I rather just the movies. So he wants to get me an hr before so we can talk? So I woke up today and well just wasn't in the mood and the more I thought about it the more I would have rather me meet him there or just meet in more a casual setting. So I texted him today early saying how about we meet for drinks instead, he responds how about dinner next saturday totally disregarding what I said so I said why can't u do drinks which he didn't respond to so finally I gave in and said fine the movies call me when you get out of work. I was going to tell him anyway that I would just meet him there. So he did call but I missed the call so I called him back and oddly enough no answer. He also didn't want to drive home the 45 min and drive back and was supposedly just gonna stay in my area doing what I don't know for a few hrs until we hung out..talk about lazy. So after him not answering I sent him a text saying I can't do the movies we'll meet for drinks another time. I get no response, which has never happened, meanwhile he responds back and texts me to the point of annoying every day. What is wrong with meeting in a casual type setting?
curiousnycgirl Posted December 1, 2007 Posted December 1, 2007 I met a boatload of guys on internet dating sites for a couple of years before meeting my current b/f (3.5 years and still going strong) - and I had a few rules 1. no long drawn out im'ing, emailing and text messaging - meet as soon as possible after maybe one or two emails. otherwise you build the other person up in your mind, and I found then never meet the expectations. So in my opinion a month is way too long to be texting and communicating without meeting r/t 2. I never let them pick me up - EVER. They did not need to know where I lived. A man I was set up with by my mother's friend stalked me (hung out outside my building, staring at my windows, etc) a few years back - and I'll never let that happen again - creepy. 3. Never agree to anything more that a drink or coffee for a first meet. If things go well - then you can always revise/extend the plans through dinner. However you stated one things in your post that made me think you were really not being fair to this guy. His not wanting to drive home and then back to meet with you is perfectly understandable - not lazy. That would add 1.5 hours of commuting time to his day, which is ridiculous. You also gave me the impression that you make and change plans - again not fair. Make plans and stick with them - just don't make any plans that make you feel uncomfortable. Good luck
Author Heavenly55 Posted December 1, 2007 Author Posted December 1, 2007 Yes you are right about some of it but the thing is we had plans last Friday that he changed. I also must mention I didn't meet him from a dating site. Actually the few I have communicated with in past from those sites I could tell after one phone conversation that they were not anyone I would even be interested in meeting. I sorta like more that I know him better then just a brief email, or im and I know on my part I haven't built him up in my head. I did return his call and was going to still go to the movies but I wanted to tell him I would meet him there but he decided not to pick up. I defentially do regret waiting this long to meet but the thing is I wasn't able to meet sooner. My question is I guess why wouldn't he want to meet for drinks..why the dinner or movie thing. I mean yea that's fine for someone you already met in person, at least I feel like that.
curiousnycgirl Posted December 1, 2007 Posted December 1, 2007 I agree it's a great question - i'd be interested in seeing what the men here repsond with. Maybe his mother told him that to be a proper gentleman he must pick the girl up and buy her dinner? Who know?!
Sunblast Posted December 1, 2007 Posted December 1, 2007 I have met a good number of people off the internet. I have met them at/in: - city park - rock climbing - bar - liquor store - Borders book store - coffee shop - their house - my house - beach - school/university So really there isn't a perfect place. Realize it's another person there, you guys have a weak bond until you actually start hanging out. Some people we met at public places. Some people at my house. The last girl I met, I went straight to HER house, and I showed up, a guy she doesn't know, and she let me in and gave me a drink and showed me her pet fish and whatever. It's just the comfort level that you build and your date is open to. And I am speaking from a wealth of experience, far above average. So I've compiled some useful data.
Krytie TV Posted December 1, 2007 Posted December 1, 2007 I would be weary of anyone trying to initiate a meeting in any formal setting. For your own sake, always hold to your conviction of meeting in a neutral place (coffee shop, dog park, happy hour) for a short duration of time. This is in your best interest. You may want to plan the meeting early (4 or 5) so that if you are having a mutually good time, you can do something else after. - NEVER meet someone on their turf - NEVER let someone know where you live - NEVER meet in a private or dark place (a movie would be very uncomfortable in my book) - ALWAYS trust your gut if something doesn't feel right This guy sounds shady with how difficult he's being. I'd back off if I were you. First meetings should not be difficult and there should be compromise.
Recommended Posts