Supermannnnn Posted December 1, 2007 Posted December 1, 2007 I been reading around on this site before i actually registered. I registered because i read a very motivating post by " HARPE " which was what i needed. But anyone else is welcome to reply. Heres my story. I am 26 dating a 19 year old. I know that seems kinda far but i was so attracted to her. Basically we met at a party once and exchanged numbers. She imed me one night and asked to hang out. We came to my house and ended up having sex... We started talking more after that and i really started liking her. I was her rebound from her previous relationship. [[[ As for all the guys she been with, her ex was the only one whom she never " GOT ". Meaning he never gave her his heart... And i guess thats what attracted her so much to him... The cat and mouse game. She always wanted to " GET " him yet he never let her. Also she said she just cant get her EX outta her mind because supposily he was the first one to take her out on a CINDERELLA DATE she could never forget. Which sparked the attraction she has for him that never died... He took her to the city on a horse and carriage ride then to a nice expensive resturant ]]] anyways..... So she ended up being with me. A few months later when we would argue, she ended up cheating on me with him. I forgave her because i was falling in love with her. We got back together for about 8 months and she was the best girlfriend. She always buys me whatever i wanted. She gave me money when i needed it. She would drive 1 hour and 30 minutes to come see me every week or more because we lived that far from eeachother. She spent half the week at my house and we were so close with eachother and knew EVERYTHING about eachother... we were Comfortable with eachother... She listened to everything i asked of her and i gave her whatever she wanted... I met her family. She even got my name tattooed on her back AND on her panty line which i know is pretty extreme. One day out of nowhere, she said she needed space. I was suffocating her. Which i admit.. Maybe we was seeing eachother too much. She wanted to be " SINGLE " and hang out with her friends... i let her have that.. She went to a club outta state one night without me... And what a COINSIDENCE! HER EX was at the club. She said they danced and kissed... Shortly after that we were together again doing the same ol things... But in my gut something was wrong... One night again out of nowhere she insisted that she wanted space. We broke up and the very next day she said she went to her EX house and had sex with him ... Her excuse is basically she says REVENGE is sweet and she wants to get him to fall in love with her before she DUMPS HIM... Because he cheated on her before and treated her like ****. She said she still wants to be with me and see me while she gets him to fall for her. She said shell get him in 1 month and dump him right before christmas. Im here and i dont know what to do... SHould i keep this girl around for just a booty call? How should i react? Isnt this a weird story?
Pyro Posted December 1, 2007 Posted December 1, 2007 I been reading around on this site before i actually registered. I registered because i read a very motivating post by " HARPE " which was what i needed. But anyone else is welcome to reply. Heres my story. I am 26 dating a 19 year old. I know that seems kinda far but i was so attracted to her. Basically we met at a party once and exchanged numbers. She imed me one night and asked to hang out. We came to my house and ended up having sex... We started talking more after that and i really started liking her. I was her rebound from her previous relationship. [[[ As for all the guys she been with, her ex was the only one whom she never " GOT ". Meaning he never gave her his heart... And i guess thats what attracted her so much to him... The cat and mouse game. She always wanted to " GET " him yet he never let her. Also she said she just cant get her EX outta her mind because supposily he was the first one to take her out on a CINDERELLA DATE she could never forget. Which sparked the attraction she has for him that never died... He took her to the city on a horse and carriage ride then to a nice expensive resturant ]]] anyways..... So she ended up being with me. A few months later when we would argue, she ended up cheating on me with him. I forgave her because i was falling in love with her. We got back together for about 8 months and she was the best girlfriend. She always buys me whatever i wanted. She gave me money when i needed it. She would drive 1 hour and 30 minutes to come see me every week or more because we lived that far from eeachother. She spent half the week at my house and we were so close with eachother and knew EVERYTHING about eachother... we were Comfortable with eachother... She listened to everything i asked of her and i gave her whatever she wanted... I met her family. She even got my name tattooed on her back AND on her panty line which i know is pretty extreme. One day out of nowhere, she said she needed space. I was suffocating her. Which i admit.. Maybe we was seeing eachother too much. She wanted to be " SINGLE " and hang out with her friends... i let her have that.. She went to a club outta state one night without me... And what a COINSIDENCE! HER EX was at the club. She said they danced and kissed... Shortly after that we were together again doing the same ol things... But in my gut something was wrong... One night again out of nowhere she insisted that she wanted space. We broke up and the very next day she said she went to her EX house and had sex with him ... Her excuse is basically she says REVENGE is sweet and she wants to get him to fall in love with her before she DUMPS HIM... Because he cheated on her before and treated her like ****. She said she still wants to be with me and see me while she gets him to fall for her. She said shell get him in 1 month and dump him right before christmas. Im here and i dont know what to do... SHould i keep this girl around for just a booty call? How should i react? Isnt this a weird story? She is a growing 19 year old who still is experiencing life and trying to figure out what she wants. There is nothing that can be done I'm afraid except for you to try and move on. Come on Superman, you can do it.
mwbmtp Posted December 1, 2007 Posted December 1, 2007 man,,, I feel for you.. you should prob. just cut and run. At 19 she still has a lot of growing up to do..All this is as you said is a game to her.. even if she does care for you... just keep in the back of your head how much you emotionally grew from 18-26 and maybe that will help you gain some sainity!
Harpe Posted December 3, 2007 Posted December 3, 2007 Glad my post helped you out supermann. You have a very strange story indeed. Your ex/girlfriend, whatever you want to call her seems to be a little emotionally unstable/immature from what you have described. Getting two tattoo's of your name on her, and wanting 'revenge' on her ex in this manner...I'll reiterate what the other two posters have said...she is only 19 years old, she has a LOT of growing up to do. All people of this age do, though I will say that she seems to be more high strung than most women. Does she come from a good and stable family? My guess would be no... It seems to me that if you accept that arrangement that you are in effect settling, yet again...first settling for a girl who would cheat on you, and then later settling by almost getting back into a relationship that she had broken off. What I don't really understand is when guys say that they forgive their girlfriend for cheating on them. I have been there before and it never ended well. I believe that what you are in effect doing by forgiving your girlfriend is lessening yourself as a man, lessening your worth, both in her eyes and I believe subconsiously in your own mind. You HAVE TO look at her ACTIONS and not her WORDS. She has cheated on you with this other guy, she has broken up with you, she wants to see both of you at the same time after you two have been in a 'committed' relationship. What on earth are you getting out of this relationship??? You say you fell in love with her....do you not think you can get another girl, or do you not think you will EVER find another girl who you 'clicked' with on such a level....because I will tell you that you can...ANYONE can... WHY are you even considering staying with this girl? STAND UP FOR YOURSELF, and do not let people treat you this way. This is what lowers self esteem, this is what leads to depression....settling for less that you know you deserve. Do you have other potential women to hook up with (preferably closer to your own age)? If not, YOU NEED TO WORK ON THAT. are other areas in your life lagging? perhaps your work, your social life, fitness, spiritual side? If you are willing to accept this behavior from someone else, I imagine that you have self esteem issues, or issues of self worth that you might not even realize, I know that when I put up with that kind of behaviour from a woman I was not feeling my best, and sticking with it and trying to make it work only made matters worse. I realized that I was only doing it because of my own desparation, and because let my EGO get the better of me. I think deep down that every man knows that a woman who truly loved them or was truly interested in them would do NOTHING to jeapordize the realtionship. So when women start to show signs of lower interest level (always in their actions and sometimes in their words), his GUT knows what is happening, but his head and his EGO will not let him break things off. This girl 'loved' you before, she even had your name tattooed on you TWICE...and now she is doing THIS, what gives? The answer is that she is a woman, and she is young...until they mature (which many don't), their affections change with the wind, and they are allowed to get away with this and cheat and lie because people like you (and me at one point in my life) are putting up with it, and still kissing their *sses, and if you don't put up with it there will always be some other shmuck who will...(same thing goes for guys...I'm not just bashing women). ACTIONS NOT WORDS my friend. Right now she is feeding your ego, telling you that she REALLY wants to be with you, that she is just doing this out of revenge and that after Christmas you two will be together again. That story sounds like a load of ****, and even if it isn't (which it is), this guy is in her head, not you...if you stuck it out you would be settling for someone less committed to you than you are to them...and that will **** with your head... And if you sit passively by and let her treat you like this her respect for you will go down the drain. She (and every woman) wants a man with a backbone, a man who will stand up for himself, who will make life on his own terms and not play into her games. If you do what you KNOW is right, what will ultimately make you feel better in the long run, you will not 'get' the girl. You will not (nor probably ever), have a deep and loving committed relationship with her (though at her age and by her behaviour I doubt she is really capable of it, even if she seems to be...). But you will have stood up for yourself. You might feel like ****, but you will be more of a man, both in your and her mind. You will keep your dignity and self-respect, and you WILL save yourself months of additional heartache at the hands of a 19 year old girl.... My Advice: Supress your EGO and your 'feelings' for this girl, distance yourself from this girl physically/emotionally. Tell her that that arrangement does not work for you...Focus on yourself and doing the things that will improve your life....START DATING OTHER GIRLS/LET HER KNOW THIS.... You will now be the guy she cannot get, and it will probably drive her crazy even if she is still with her ex....If you keep her around as a fb, make sure that you are doing these other things and realize that she will more than likely 'break up' with you again when another guy catches her fancy... My life has improved dramatically once I took charge of my own life and included things in it that I wanted....and those things did not include a cheating girlfriend (no matter what we once had). I hope whatever you decide, that you are happy with it. Let us know what you have done, I'd be interested to know, even if you didn't take the advice in this thread. and sorry for the long and unfocused post...it's late here and I have had far too much coffee.
Author Supermannnnn Posted December 3, 2007 Author Posted December 3, 2007 HARPE... THanks for answering me... You hit all the points... I am feeling so low right now.. I have to come to this site everyday to get my mind off things and for support. All my guy friends arent any help at all.. All they do is joke around and smoke weed... I am talking to 2 other females right now, but im not even feeling like myself to really pursue it fully. =============================================== Basically she said she wants me as a backup to wait for her... But by the way she talks about her BF, she is fallin back in love with him. She said she wants HIM to fall in love with her before hurting him... That is her initial plan... But i think in the end she will fall for him again also... My gut telling me that... She said she cant eat and got jealous when i told her i got plans for christmas eve to take this other girl out. She got mad... I dont know what to do... I was reading other posts and decided to write her an email saying i am no longer in love with her and that i am moving on.. This got her mad.... She said she was gonna cover up the tattoos but then decided not to... and after the letter i wrote her, she said she already covered them up... but i dont believe her. She replied to my email with a poem she copied from somewhere and i dont even understand it... LOL.. ===================================================== [FONT=Comic Sans MS]People say forgive and forget however, we really never forget the moments when we've been wronged. to come to think of it, instead of trying to right the wrongs, we instead add fuel to the fire and hurt the person that wronged us with a rage of flame that burns in its own destruction. to forgive and forget is a far of cry from the myth that two wrongs make a right. all that we can do, is create new memories that mask the painful moments in ourlives. so if we could never forget do we really forgive? the answer? it depends on how you interpret to forgive and forget. to some, it means forgiveness has given them a second chance and has forgotten the wrongs and has placed both trials and tribulations behind them. The past is what it is, and the present is your chance to make a better future. to others, it means to forgive, one has to forget not only the wrongs, but the existence of the person. To forgive you is to forget you. There is no present nor future, no second chance at it. its just the past, and was the only chance you had. truth is that we truly never forget the memories that hurt.and the moment we get hurt, we want to make that person hurt as much as us, if not more. all we do is hide them underneath the happiness of new memories. so the question we ask ourselves, shouldn't be " do we forgive and forget", but instead ask " how do you handle the pain, do you stay and pick up the broken memories or do you leave putting everything behind you to the point as if it never existed" my answer? i would stay to pick up every shattered emotion and every memory on the ground, why? i know it hurts , but no one said it was gonna be easy, they only said it was gonna be worth it. the irony in pain is that its not meant to be ran away from, but meant to stay with you. its only when we face pain that we trully understand life's lessons and if you were to runaway from it, you'd be tripping on the same mistakes you failed to learn. whether your the person who caused the pain, or the one who felt hurt, we all make mistakes and we take risks. Mistakes are what fuels the flame to sacrifice who we are to who we become. .. for some reason, you just somehow find strength in the presence of pain ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- At some point you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep other people out; they fence you in. Life is messy, that's how we're made. So you can waste your life drawing lines or you can live your life crossing them. But there are some lines that are way too dangerous to cross. There are moments in our lives when we find ourselves at a crossroad, afraid, confused, without a roadmap. The choices we make in those moments can define the rest of our days. Of course when faced with the unknown, most of us prefer to turn around and go back. But once in a while people push on to something better. Something found just beyond the pain of going it alone and just beyond the bravery and courage it takes to let someone in. Or to give someone a second chance. Something beyond the quite persistence of a dream. Because it´s only when you´re tested that you truly discover who you are. And it´s only when you´re tested that you discover who you can be. The person that you want to be does exist, somewhere in the other side of hard work and faith, and belief and beyond the HEARTACHE and fear of what life has Maybe we accept the dream has become a nightmare. We tell ourselves that reality is better. We convince ourselves it's better that we never dream at all. But, the strongest of us, the most determined of us, holds on to the dream or we find ourselves faced with a fresh dream we never considered. We wake to find ourselves, against all odds, feeling hopeful. And, if we're lucky, we realize in the face of everything, in the face of life the true dream is being able to dream at all. The important thing is not to be bitter over life's disappointments. Learn to let go of the past, and recognize that every day won't be sunny. And when you find yourself lost in the darkness of despair, remember, it's only in the black of night that you see the stars, and those stars lead you back home.[/FONT] ==================================================== To me it sounds like this poem means she wants to try again with her BF... Which totally contradicts her inital GOAL... Of getting him then dumping him... I asked her if she still planning to do that and she dodges the question. She just keeps saying how much fun shes having. I was trying NC and she called me last night and this morning and i didnt pick up... But then i called her back and she didnt pick up... i only called once. i dont know what to do.....
Harpe Posted December 3, 2007 Posted December 3, 2007 You are in a tough situation my friend. I know it is easy for other people to give advice and suggest that you move on, because we have no emotional investment in the situation. It extremely hard to go NC and just move on...it doesn't really work that way. The only thing that helps is time, though time with action, doing things that once made you happy and working to improve your life. It's good that you are talking to two other women. You don't neccessarily have to pursue anything with them, or any others that you meet, but their attention/affection whatever will help. The way things are going now, it seems like she is enjoying the power she has over you, she enjoys making you squirm when she tells you how much fun she is having. Even though she is being immature, responding to this in any other way than with emotional detachement (or at least making it seem like that), and in a mature way (no name calling, etc.) will just make things worse for you. By 26 surely you have had other break-ups, and you got over them did you not? It is hard to do at this time, but you must look at this situation as a good thing for you. Maybe not in the short run, but it will be in the long run, if you have the right attitude... I probably can't link to other sites in the message...but I will try and PM you a link to a forum with guys who know more and can write much better than I can, a site that has helped me improve my outlook on life and dating, and opened my eyes to the way women work...because right now this girl is playing you big time, and you are letting her... Edit: guess I can't PM you because I'm not an established member...you can email me if you want the link...trust me it will help you...
Author Supermannnnn Posted December 3, 2007 Author Posted December 3, 2007 How can i email you harpe?!!
Harpe Posted December 3, 2007 Posted December 3, 2007 oops, thought they had an email user button...guess I'll just put it here. It's [email protected]
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